1. The first question I have to ask myself is: what on Earth am I doing? The pattern I have is entitled "Doctor Who Scarf." What does that title refer to? A short, striped scarf with bells on the fringes, made famous by a comic book cat named Doctor Who A medium-length scarf with festive ribbons knitted into the stripes, made famous by the folk song "Doctor, Who?" A long, curled scarf with blue vertical stripes, made famous by the evil mastermind in the movie "Doctor Who" A very long scarf with multicolored horizontal stripes, made famous by the eponymous character on the "Doctor Who" television show

2. My first task will be to obtain appropriate knitting needles; mine are made of bamboo. Which of the following plants is most closely related to bamboo? Cattails Aspen Sycamore Rice

3. Next, I'll have to choose a yarn. Excellent! I love a good yarn! I think I'll pick the tale of an American folk hero, a man so fast and so strong with his hammer that he had a steel-driving contest with a steam-powered drill -- and won. Who was this railroad-laying man? The Flying Dutchman Paul Bunyan John Henry Iron John

4. Drat! It turns out that you need the *fibrous* kind of yarn to knit a scarf. After traveling the land in search of the softest, most colorful yarn, I finally settle on acrylic. Where does acrylic yarn come from? Synthetic polymers treated with solvents and solutions Genetically engineered cornsilk The wool of the specially bred acryll sheep The wool of a breed of mountain goats living in a small region northwest of Athens

5. I'm finally ready to start knitting, so I start casting on stitches. Arriving at the middle of the needle, I realize that I am now working on "central casting," which pleases me immensely. What does the phrase "central casting" actually refer to? A cadre of sinless people in charge of casting the first stones The wing of a hospital where bone fractures are treated The company that handles the casting of extras and stand-ins for most Hollywood studios A technique of casting fishing lines, favored by amateur bass fishermen

6. I'm knitting -- I'm really knitting! Not even my sense of accomplishment can restrain me from a good pun, though, so I call up my best friend and say, "I've got a knit to pick with you!" What is the meaning of the original expression? "I've got a nit to pick with you": Since we are both infested with head lice, let's go in together on the expensive prescription shampoo. "I've got a knit to pick with you": I've found a knitting project that we can both work on together! "I've got a gnit to pick with you": I'd like to get a small tropical bird as a pet, and I need your help to select the right one. "I've got a nit to pick with you": I'd like to criticize a trivial mistake you've made.

7. Knitting one row after another, I begin to be reminded of Madame Defarge, a literary revolutionary whose knitting-based codes cause major difficulties for our heroes. In what classic book does Mme Defarge appear? "A Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens "Les Miserables" by Victor Hugo "The Scarlet Pimpernel" by Baroness Emmuska Orczy "The Three Musketeers" by Alexandre Dumas

8. Time goes by; the knitting remains, row after row after row. It's enough to remind me of another friend of mine, who spends a great deal of his time rowing. He and his friends travel down the river in small boats called shells and compete with other teams at regattas around the region. What makes the sport of rowing (or crew, as it's sometimes called) distinct from canoeing and kayaking? In rowing, the boats are always wider so that rowers can sit two-by-two. In the first part of a rowing race, the boat travels under sail; actual rowing is done only when traveling in the opposite direction for the second leg. In rowing, an auxiliary motor is available for use in specially marked areas of the water. In rowing, the oars rotate about pivot points, where they are held in place.

9. After all this work, I think I've actually managed to learn something about knitting. My pattern can be described as "knit one, purl zero": I just use the knit stitch for every stitch of every row, knitting from the right side on odd rows and from the wrong side on even rows. The resulting fabric reminds me of a wedding tradition. What type of fabric is it? Stockinette stitch Garter stitch Crocheted Chantilly lace

10. At long last, the scarf is nearly complete. All I need to do now is to add a knotted fringe, which should be easy since I've only barely avoided tying myself in knots! I'm driving people batty by constantly referring to this stage of the project as "a fringe science." What does the phrase really refer to? Scientific research focusing on the edges of textile objects Scientific research that is left unfunded, metaphorically dangling like a fringe The science of making refrigerators more efficient Scientific research that is significantly outside the mainstream