Quotes from "Lean Mean Thirteen"

15 Points Per Correct Answer - No time limit  

1. "This is your Great-Aunt Ethel. Ethel was ninety-eight years old when she died. She was a pip. She loved a good cigar after dinner. And Ethel played the accordion. She could play 'Lady of Spain' by heart. Her sister Baby Jane is buried next to her. Baby Jane died young. She was only seventy-six when she died. She choked on a kielbasa. She didn't have no teeth. Used to gum all her food, but I guess you can't gum kielbasa so good. They didn't know the Heimlich in those days. And here's your Uncle Andy. He was the smart one. He could have gone to college, but there was no money for it. He died a bachelor. His brother Christian is next to him. Nobody really knows how Christian died. He just woke up dead one day. Probably it was his heart." Who says this? Frank Joe Morelli Grandma Mazur Ellen

2. [mystery person]: "Open this door. I know you're in there." [Stephanie]: "What do you want?" [?]: "I want to talk to you." [S]: "About what?" [?]: "About Dickie, you moron. I want to know where he is. You found out about the money and you somehow managed to snatch him, didn't you?" Who is the mystery person? Answer: (One Word - first name only)

3. [Lula]: "Smells like you had some Hawaii 5-0. Not that I'd know." [Stephanie]: "Maybe we should move back a little." [L]: "This is pretty funny. We burned down a house." [mystery person]: "Probably a million dollars' worth of grass in that house." [S]: "Look at me. I can make snow angels." [L]: "I'm getting wet. Is it raining?" Who is the mystery person? Frank Ranger Joe Hansen

4. [Stephanie]: "We'll start at the bottom and work our way to the top. It shouldn't take long." [mystery person]: "Just suppose we find this [guy], then what? It's not like he committed a crime. It's not like he's FTA and we can haul his bony [butt] to jail." [S]: "I guess we sit on him and call the Trenton Times to come over with a photographer." [?]: "I would have worn something different if I'd known that. I got a sweatshirt and [baggy] jeans on so I look handy. This isn't gonna show me off in a photograph. And look at my hair. Do I have time to change my hair color? I photograph much better when I'm blond." Who is the mystery person? Lula Courtney Ranger Sue

5. [mystery person]: "You're safe here." [Stephanie]: "Yes, but I can't stay here forever. In fact, I can't stay here tonight. I think my free pass has expired." [?]: "I don't want to force you to leave and put you in harm's way, but I have limits." [S]: "You need a larger apartment. You need a guest room." [?]: "I don't know why I put up with you. You're a real pain in the ass." [S]: "You put up with me because I'm amusing, and you love me, and I pose no threat to your lifestyle because I'm involved with Morelli." Who is the mystery person? Rex Ranger Lula Joyce

6. [Stephanie]: "Am I to assume you would rather not have us as clients?" [mystery person]: "Let me think about that for a nanosecond. Yes! Last time you were in my office you tried to kill me." [S]: "That's an exaggeration. Maim you, yes. Kill you, probably not." Who is the mystery person? Answer: (One Word - first name only)

7. "I was wondering if you would stop at Giovichinni's for me on your way home. Your father is out in the taxi all day, and my car won't start. I think I need a new battery. I want a half-pound of liverwurst, a half-pound of ham, a half-pound of olive loaf, and a half-pound of turkey. Then you can get me some Swiss cheese and some good rye. And a rump roast. And get an Entemann's. Your grandmother likes the raspberry coffee cake." Who says this? Frank Ellen Joe Ranger

8. [Stephanie]: "Joe! You've got company." [mystery person]: "[Oh]." [S]: "Hi." [?]: "I can explain." [S]: "Uh-hunh." [Dickie]: "Good luck on that one. There's no explaining to her. You make one slip up and that's it. Sayonara." [S]: "[Shut up.] And anyway, it wasn't one slip up. In the fifteen minutes we were married, you screwed half the women in Trenton." Who is the mystery person? Rex Dickie Morelli Lula

9. [mystery person]: "I'm not eating with a dead cat at the table." [Grandma Mazur]: "You'll hurt his feelings." [?]: "Just shoot me. Morelli, give me your gun." Who is the mystery person? Ellen Frank Stephanie Ranger

10. [Stephanie]: "I wanted to talk to you about your court appearance. When you didn't show up, you became a felon. And the original charge didn't look that bad. Destruction of property. The details aren't on the bond application. What sort of property did you destroy?" [mystery person]: "I went nuts and exploded an opossum in a cable company truck." Who is the mystery person? Kloughn Joe Ranger Coglin