Subject: Let's write a book...with a twist
Posted by: sectant
Date: Jun 22 18
A little clue in the title there. Shall we write a story using as many music related terms as we can, including band names and song titles? Use capital letters for the relevant words....
I got out of bed this morning, realising I was in Dire Straits. The Cars usually parked in the driveway had recently been stolen and The Police had told me the young thieves, if caught, would probably get away with little more than a Rap on the knuckles. A New Wave of crime had just begun and I had More Than A Feeling that it would only get worse unless these Punks were properly dealt with.
Okay people, it's your Turn, Turn, Turn .
Posted by: sectant
Date: Jun 22 18
A little clue in the title there. Shall we write a story using as many music related terms as we can, including band names and song titles? Use capital letters for the relevant words....
I got out of bed this morning, realising I was in Dire Straits. The Cars usually parked in the driveway had recently been stolen and The Police had told me the young thieves, if caught, would probably get away with little more than a Rap on the knuckles. A New Wave of crime had just begun and I had More Than A Feeling that it would only get worse unless these Punks were properly dealt with.
Okay people, it's your Turn, Turn, Turn .
122 replies. On page 2 of 7 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
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(It doesn't matter anymore, this is fabulous!) Reply #21. Jun 29 18, 8:04 PM |
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Meanwhile......And again at the other end of Funkytown... "Don't forget, that reporter from The Boston Rag will be here soon for that interview," Michelle remarked as she passed Bladderwort on The Staircase on her way to lunch." "Yes, good luck with that Michelle. It will be Perfect publicity for the 1910 Fruitgum Company. The readers will see just how we operate." "Actually, that's not what the interview's for. He's coming to interview you Bladderwort. It's the next installment of his popular series, People Are Strange." "Well what makes him think I'm strange?" "I rang and told him. So Don't Let Me Down, I need a good laugh, our sales have plummeted ever since you became second in charge. I'm only keeping you on as second in charge Because there's only The Two Of Us here anyway. At least until all my other employees recover from last week's incident." "I told you before, it wasn't my fault Michelle. I had no idea a hundred Manic Street Preachers, three hundred and twenty Wild Horses, ten Gorillaz and a UFO would be so traumatising. I mean the UFO was obviously fake for a start. You're The One who asked me to book the acts for that work picnic, remember? I did The Best I could. I honestly thought it would be Fun, Fun, Fun." "Let's just forget about it Bladderwort. See you when I get back from lunch." "But I was meant to be catching up with that girl I met. You know, Lily The Pink, the one I told you about. She's given me a lot of Help with information about those recent thefts." "Ah yes, the other nutcase. Sorry Bladderwort, you'll have to cancel." "But I promised Eleanor Rigby, my neighbour." Michelle looked at her underling and spoke one final Time before making her way to the exit. "You really Love The Beatles don't you?" Reply #22. Jun 30 18, 5:18 AM |
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" 'See you when I Get Back from lunch' huh? I Should Have Known Better than to think you were a nice Boss. And I bet you used lower case for Get Back. Did ya?... Well? Am I right Michelle?" But there was No Reply. Michelle had already walked out the door. Reply #23. Jun 30 18, 6:19 AM |
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An hour later, Bladderwort was in his office and he wasn't Feelin' Alright. In fact he was feeling Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered. Well maybe not bewitched but certainly bothered and bewildered. The reporter from The Boston Rag, a young, fast talking chap with a Slow Hand called Baba O'Reilly, half Russian, half Irish and half drunk, had been throwing one Question after another at him. In many different languages including French, Swahili and Inuit. Apparently the newspaper had a world wide readership. At first Bladderwort, aware of the reporter's drunken state, thought he was just slurring his Words. And now, having decided to end the interview solely in English, a problem had arisen. "Okay, Ladderblort, let's try again. Do you have a favourite band or not?" "Yes." "You keep saying Yes Bolderwarp but you won't tell me the name of the band." "Yes." "Agreeing with me isn't helping, Blabbernaught. Can you Please, Please Me and tell me the name of the band?!." "Yes." Bladderwort couldn't understand why O'Reilly couldn't understand his answer. Yes had been a well known band for quite a Long Time, and not just among fans of Progressive Rock. Baba tried a new approach. "Okay, forget that Question. We'll just Let It Be for now. Let's go back a bit. You mentioned at the beginning of this interview that you refuse to be interviewed. Since then, I've asked you 400 questions, in just as many languages, and you've answered each and every One of Them. Correctly. With no previous knowledge of foreign languages. And yet you wonder why our readers could possibly think you're a Perfect candidate for my People Are Strange installments. Why, why, why?" "Delilah?", Bladderwort answered, hesitantly but once again in the correct language. Reply #24. Jun 30 18, 10:49 AM |
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"I Can't Tell You Why but this story seems to be shifting, gradually but ever so noticeably, from Bladderwort's point of view to that of a mysterious third person", said Angie, a character making her first appearance in this terribly exciting, though rather weird narrative. "It's Not Unusual to see such Changes in the method of storytelling.", replied Arnold Layne, president of the Grand Funk Railroad and well known Syd Barrett era Pink Floyd Song. "It's a type of Post Modernist, Neo Dada, existential, make it up as you go along literary device." "Or it could be just a mistake", said Pavlov, Angie's main Squeeze and yet another debutant in this interesting though terribly confusing tale. "Did he say 'tale' or 'tail'?", Pavlov's Dog thought to himself, with a Hippy, Hippy, Shake of the latter. "Get on with the story!!", a Chorus of Banshees and a few other Wailers shrieked in a manner best described as Atonal A Capella. Reply #25. Jun 30 18, 5:51 PM |
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Bladderwort sat back in his chair and stared at O’Reilly. “I wish we could Talk about my favorite band again.” “You will just Laugh, Laugh at me for asking again,” the interviewer mumbled, crossing his arms and looking Down. “It hurts. Cuts Like a Knife. You have never known this kind of Pain, Bladderwort. I’m an Owner of a Lonely Heart, I am.” “Yes!” Bladderwort said excitedly. “So you’ve said!” O’Reilly yelled. Just then, the president of the Grand Funk Railroad entered the room. “I think Everybody wants to know where this is going.” “What are you doing here?” O’Reilly demanded. “You weren’t even in this section on Blue Sunday.” “I was on Monday, Monday,” Arnold Layne replied. “But it’s Tuesday Afternoon!” O’Reilly stated, rising from his Rockin’ Chair. Shaking his head, Bladderwort pointed out, “Tuesday’s Gone, O’Reilly. I’ve been Waiting for Wednesday and here it is!” “You May Be Right. I have a headache,” O’Reilly said softly. The CEO of the REO Speedwagon, Mr. Jones, entered the room. “I knew I’d find you here, Layne! We need to Move It On Over. Those Passengers aren’t gonna Move Along by themselves. We have a Long Distance Runaround now.” “Yes,” Bladderwort said simply. “I knew I shouldn’t have come to Funkytown,” O’Reilly growled. Reply #26. Jul 03 18, 10:15 AM |
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Michelle, meanwhile, had taken the Magic Bus, Magic because it amazingly arrived on Time, and sat happily Alone at lunch amongst Scenes From An Italian Restaurant. She had eaten a Small portion of Spaghetti Marinara, a larger helping of Veal Scallopini and was now on her dessert, a whoppingly huge vat of Cannoli. 100,000 Years worth, give or take a couple of thousand millennia. She had been on a diet but quickly realised diets weren't as much fun as wolfing down tons of Yummy Yummy Yummy Italian cakes. The owner of the restaurant, a Man In Black called Giovanni Cashi had always liked Michelle and would often throw in a special treat, free of charge. But this, Michelle gladly thought, was as special as it could ever get. "Giovanni, do you realise you had to Kick Out The Jams and the chairs and tables and the other diners, just so this vat of Cannoli would fit inside?", Michelle attempted to ask while still feasting on the tasty, scrumptious, never ending supply that was hers and hers Alone. "Whatta you say, Michelle? I coulda notta understanda you, too mucha Cannoli in you mouth!" "Fwwmppggghtthmmcchh", Michelle replied, her mouth completely full, her taste buds in a state of Cannoli Heaven. She had lost Total Control and was blissfully unaware of the Little Red Corvette resembling a Mercedes Benz which had parked out the front of the restaurant, and the Trio of occupants within. Reply #27. Jul 03 18, 1:41 PM |
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"That's The Way, Aha Aha, I Like It, Aha Aha," Lily The Pink/Judy Blue Eyes/Gretel/choose your preferred name said from the passenger seat. "It's more fun getting someone else to Drive My Car. And it makes it so much easier for me to put on my makeup. When I have both hands on the wheel it can get a bit messy. Thanks Harry. And Sorry for the Lipstick On Your Collar." "Nobody's Fault But Mine", Harry replied. "I guess it happened after I had to brake Suddenly and you sort of lurched sideways." "Yeah, and I ended up being Sat In Your Lap. See, told you it's more fun this way!" "Fun?.. Fun?.. Fun?.. You almost killed us!", came The Voice from the back seat. It was as much fun as..as...as..Something else that's not fun, can't think what exactly, I'm still recovering from the trauma." Lily laughed softly while Watching The Detectives. "You guys! Stop joking around, we're here now. La Villa Strangiato. This restaurant is being targeted by the same Punks who stole all the cars and sweets. They want Cannoli now. And look, see that lady inside with Cannoli Cream up her nose? That's Bladderwort's Boss! Come on, let's go inside. It's been So Long since I cracked a case this big." "Yep," said the still recovering detective in the back seat, with more than a trace of sarcasm. "Cars, chocolate and Cannoli. You can't get bigger than that!" Reply #28. Jul 04 18, 3:09 PM |
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When the detectives pulled Michelle away from her massive pile of Cannoli, she had to cry. “We need to know what you know!” Sue snapped. “Spill the Beans!” But Michelle kept crying and trying to get back to the wonderful Cannoli. “Well. It-a looks like-a the Boys Are Back in Town…a,” Giovanni Cachi declared. “You know this guy?” Lily wondered. She shook her head. “I’ll be in the bathroom.” Rolling her eyes, she left the scene. “Nice to Know You, old buddy,” Harry called out. “Hey, have you heard about these crimes? It’s Something to Talk About for sure. Word on the Street is, well, we heard from Lily… you’re next!” He didn’t care right then. Staring, Giovanni cried, “What a beauty! That black dress she is-a wearing makes her eyes a pop-a!” Harry looked upset at being ignored. “Stop Crying Your Heart Out, woman, and answer us,” Sue demanded, completely ignoring Michelle’s friend. Reply #29. Jul 05 18, 9:56 AM |
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Crying himself, Giovanni mumbled, “Where did L a go? She was just here!” Sadly, Sue mumbled, “L will be Gone for some time. No One Knows why but she left us a token… so we can say there is Always Something There to Remind Me.” He pointed at the vat of Cannoli. “She preordered us some American Pie; it’s supposed to be delicious with just a little Taste of Honey.” “Where’s the Catfish I ordered?” Michelle suddenly wondered. “I told-a you, we serve Italian here! We have-a some delicious entrees.” “Everybody FREEZE!” a man yelled, bursting into La Villa Strangiata. He and his group held 21 Guns and, for some reason, one Broken Arrow. Sue and Harry exchanged quick looks. Was this the group of Punks who’d stolen those Cars? And were now here for the Cannolis? “Hey, that girl’s been gone a long Time,” Michelle announced. She had used the Distractions to continue feasting upon the wonderful dessert. Sue gasped in shock. Lily was a Long Cool Woman and had been wearing a black dress… “I Can See Clearly Now!” “Hit Me With Your Best Shot!” Harry bravely yelled to the gang… Reply #30. Jul 05 18, 9:56 AM |
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"Hey, Nineteen people are trying to steal your car!!", shouted Lady Madonna, Giovanni Cashi's wife, who had never seen and heard such excitement as this since the day Frank Sinatra had made a surprise visit and, feeling terribly bored, had ordered his Bodyguard to go round and beat any diner up who looked like a member of the press." "How will I know it's a member of the press?", The Bodyguard had asked in Broken English. "Look for someone sitting with a photographer", Sinatra replied. "How do I know it's a photographer?" "Look for someone with a big camera around his neck." The Bodyguard paused for a moment and looked puzzled. And then he asked another Question: "What do cameras look like, Frank?" Sinatra, impatient and angry at The Best Of Times, uttered the only thing he could think of before knocking The Bodyguard out with a superbly timed punch: "Boy, you really are dumb, aren't you??!" That had been the greatest day of Lady Madonna's life, the great Frank himself, in her restaurant, doing what he did best. But that was just a Memory. Today, there was new excitement, new Kommotion, new Cannolis to make. She watched as Lily, appearing out of Nowhere, Man, singlehandedly flung each and every one of the nineteen car thieves through several plate glass windows of the building next door. They were no match for her. Tough, feisty and with black belts in every martial art on the planet. "I thinka I am in love!" Giovanni Cashi said softly, as he watched Lily Stomp on yet another Head. Reply #31. Jul 05 18, 1:50 PM |
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The Owner of 'The Lonely Heart', the clothes boutique with the now non existent plate glass windows, asked Lily why it had been necessary to Stomp on the heads of The Mannequins that, on a normal day, would have been on display at the front of the shop. Dealing with the car thieves was one thing, but the owner justifiably was a wee bit upset that Lily had to take her anger out on the poor, defenceless, uncomplaining dummies. "Sorry. A Rush of blood. How much is that little Blue dress the dummy with the missing Head is still wearing? I'll give you double the Money for it. It doesn't seem too damaged." Reply #32. Jul 05 18, 11:13 PM |
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(Should read 'A Lonely Heart'. "Yes", Bladderwort agreed) Reply #33. Jul 05 18, 11:54 PM |
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As Lily rummaged through the mess like a Refugee on Electric Avenue, the detectives set their sights back on Michelle. “Don’t You Forget About Me!” Lady Madonna yelled at Giovanni, holding a Rock Steady in her hand, ready to Fire. He cowered and begged for Mercy, Mercy, Mercy. “What a Bizarre Love Triangle,” Michelle observed with a mouth full of Cannoli. Then she began to Choke. As Harry attended to Michelle, Sue watched Lily sneak some Boots of Spanish Leather off of a Mannequin. “There’s a Hole in My Shoe,” Lily explained, realizing she’d been Caught in the Act. She ground her boot into a Mannequin’s face, making the threat easy to see On a Clear Day. “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’!” Reply #34. Jul 06 18, 10:48 AM |
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The Police eventually arrived, minus Sting, who had a previous engagement. They had been booked to play a lunchtime Gig in The Cavern, the downstairs music venue across the road from La Villa Strangiato. Stewart Copeland took one look at the chaos on The Sunny Side Of The Street and decided then and there to cancel the Gig. His Bandmate, Andy Summers, agreed. "Yeah, let's scarper Stewie. It was never gonna be a good Gig without our old mucker Sting out front anyway. That lunchtime crowd waitin' for us inside was never going to be happy. Especially when they got to see who the replacement Lead Singer is." The replacement Lead Singer overheard Andy and, picking up his Ukulele from one of the Roadies, smashed it over the Guitarist's Head. "You horrible, horrible man. How dare you say that about me!", Tiny Tim explained. "And you're paying for a new Ukulele, now that I've seen fit to Smash it over your ungrateful little Head!" "Hey look over there!", one of the crowd of bystanders standing on the footpath outside the clothes boutique shouted. "It's Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers. Looks like there's a brawl Happening. Come on everyone, let's join in!" And with that, 40 skinheads ran across the street, Comfortably Numb after just having scoffed eleven pints of lager each at the corner pub. Reply #35. Jul 06 18, 1:53 PM |
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Andy got in the first punch. Tiny had tried to avoid it but instead ducked into it. "You prat!", Andy said. "You're not even The Real Thing! Tiny Tim died in 1996, so what are you on about, you impostor!" "That's a lie! I'm hiding. If Elvis can pretend to be dead, so can I! And don't punch me again, it Hurts So Good!" Andy got in the second punch too. Tiny Tim protested in The Best way possible. He started sobbing. "Whoops, Too Late To Turn Back Now. I must have misheard you, I thought you said hit me again." "Do you need a hand, Andy?", a willing skinhead asked. "You've Got A Friend in me" Reply #36. Jul 06 18, 2:39 PM |
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Across The Universe, or across town at any rate, Bladderwort was at his desk. It was almost four o'clock and Michelle had still not returned from lunch. It was quiet in the 1910 Fruitgum Company. There were no other employees in sight. It was just Bladderwort. Baba O'Reilly had left two hours earlier, the interview for The Boston Rag having eventually been to his Satisfaction. "I'm All By Myself", Bladderwort said to No One There. And No One Heard At All, Not Even The Chair. Bladderwort, never a big Fan of Neil Diamond, Nevertheless started singing a Diamond Classic, to while away the Time. Unfortunately, as a result of his complete indifference to the Songs and his complete and utter lack of intelligence, he mangled up the Words. It was a Master Class in the art of misheard Lyrics, a series of Mondegreens worthy of inclusion in any book about Mondegreens, the art of misheard Lyrics. "Cackling Roses Getting Bored" he started singing. Loudly, Heart(ily), stupidly. Bladderwort stopped Suddenly. "Never really liked that Song, dumbest Lyrics I've ever heard", he said to himself. With a nod of his Head, himself agreed. Within seconds, he had a Eureka moment: "I know! I'll Sing some Yes Titles" "Yes, We Have No Bananas!" "Yes Sir, That's My Baby" "Yes Terday" It was a Eureka moment of Madness. Reply #37. Jul 06 18, 11:49 PM |
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“Stop!” Bladderwort suddenly heard. It caused him to Jump quite High in his seat. “We’re Not Gonna Take It anymore,” the voice called. Turning, Bladderwort saw two co-workers, Simon and Art. “Your singing is Bad… So Bad!” Bladderwort’s Heart was still pumping Fast so he took a Deep Breath to steady his nerves. “What’s Goin’ On?” he wondered. “Go Home!” “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” Simon admitted. “You too?” Art asked. Bladderwort laughed but the guys didn’t know Why. Both men were wearing many bandages and were limping. Looking around and Reminiscing, Bladderwort remembered Something. “Weren’t you attacked by those Gorillaz?” “We sure were! In fact, both of us needed to grab some stuff and Take it On The Run, they’re waiting for us,” Art explained. “God Only Knows how much longer we’ll last.” “I Want A New Drug,” Simon said. “I Don’t Need No Doctor!” Making a disgusted face, Art mumbled, “That’ll Be The Day.” Reply #38. Jul 09 18, 11:03 AM |
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"So how are the other employees getting on? Have they Forgiven me for the Gorillaz and the Wild Horses and the Manic Street Preachers and that UFO? Tell It Like It Is." "Well Mrs. Robinson says she'll never speak to you again.", Simon replied. "And neither will Miss Gradenko", Art iculated. "She never spoke to me anyway", Bladderwort reminded the Duo. "And neither did Mrs.Robinson come to think of it. There was that Time she called me a Pinhead as she walked by, but does that Count as conversation? And what about the others?" "Mr. Bojangles quit. He's found a job as a Song And Dance Man. Specialising in Tap. He'll start just as soon as the last bit of UFO is removed from his foot. It was Crazy how it landed and smashed into pieces so Close To Me and him. Just as well Candy and Cecilia and Rhiannon and the other girls from sales and marketing were there to warn us. It could have landed even closer.", Simon answered. "And Maggie May is taking you to court. Or she might get her husband Bad Bad Leroy Brown to pay you a visit One Of These Nights. She hasn't decided yet. She might even do both", Art iculated again. "I've never liked Maggie May, that Lady Is A Tramp. And she's all Talk, Talk, Talk. Nevermind, I'm just happy to see you two again. Simon and Art, the only two Friends I have at the 1910 Fruitgum Company", Bladderwort said with a Smile on his face. Art handed him a piece of paper. "What's this?", Bladderwort asked as he looked at the long list of Numbers on the piece of paper. "It's the Breakdown of the compensation figures we're seeking. You better get a lawyer, Bladderwort", Simon explained. As Bladderwort watched his only Friends at the 1910 Fruitgum Company make a hasty exit, he could only think of one thing to say to Them: "Let's do lunch sometime!" Reply #39. Jul 09 18, 4:35 PM |
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Eleanor Rigby, pleased to finally make another appearance in the story, was sitting in the vestry of the Church Of The Jack Of Sacred Hearts talking to Father Mackenzie, who was Darning His Socks and wondering if he made an error in inviting this Woman over to discuss her problems. Early In The Morning he had spoken to Eleanor on the phone and been moved by her plight. But now, after three hours of listening to her Crazy ramblings and her Bad Habit of constantly gushing forth one non sequitur after another, he wished She was the One who had been moved. Preferably to The Dark Side Of The Moon or at least Somewhere Over The Hills And Far Away. "Father Mackenzie do you like The Beatles? And The Animals? And Marlon Brando? And how do you remove chocolate stains from a Chicken Shack? Does the Queen Of Tonga go surfing? How do you make a Red Red Wine? Will they ever find these Punks who stole The Cars? Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour On The Bed Post Overnight? What Kind Of Fool Am I?" Father Mackenzie stopped Darning His Socks and answered Eleanor Rigby The Best way he knew how: "Could you Please Be Kind and go home immediately? I need to lie down. And please don't Call Me again." Reply #40. Jul 09 18, 5:35 PM |
122 replies. On page 2 of 7 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
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