Subject: Let's write a book...with a twist
Posted by: sectant
Date: Jun 22 18
A little clue in the title there. Shall we write a story using as many music related terms as we can, including band names and song titles? Use capital letters for the relevant words....
I got out of bed this morning, realising I was in Dire Straits. The Cars usually parked in the driveway had recently been stolen and The Police had told me the young thieves, if caught, would probably get away with little more than a Rap on the knuckles. A New Wave of crime had just begun and I had More Than A Feeling that it would only get worse unless these Punks were properly dealt with.
Okay people, it's your Turn, Turn, Turn .
Posted by: sectant
Date: Jun 22 18
A little clue in the title there. Shall we write a story using as many music related terms as we can, including band names and song titles? Use capital letters for the relevant words....
I got out of bed this morning, realising I was in Dire Straits. The Cars usually parked in the driveway had recently been stolen and The Police had told me the young thieves, if caught, would probably get away with little more than a Rap on the knuckles. A New Wave of crime had just begun and I had More Than A Feeling that it would only get worse unless these Punks were properly dealt with.
Okay people, it's your Turn, Turn, Turn .
122 replies. On page 4 of 7 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
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"Where's Deborah, Harry?", shouted a waiter from the kitchen door of La Villa Strangiato. "Why are you asking me? Touring with Blondie for all I know!", Harry shouted back. "I meant Deborah your wife?" "My wife's name is Candy, you idiot!" "Sorry. The names sound so alike. You can see why I got them All Mixed Up", the waiter explained. Bladderwort had been right. La Villa Strangiato did have dumb waiters. "Aha! So Harry, the waiter knows you and your wife? You've been here before, haven't you?", a Chorus of Voices piped up, adding yet another Twist to this, as they say, story. "No I haven't!", Harry quickly rejoindered. "That fool waiter must be thinking of someone else!. Harry Chapin maybe." "He's dead. Hasn't been here for years!", shouted another waiter, the only smart one there. "No, not Harry Chapin. I meant Harry Houdini", came the quick reply. Baubles, Bangles and Beads of sweat were forming on Harry's forehead, a sure sign that Something was being covered up. "Nice try Harry, but he's been dead even longer!", the smart waiter shot back. "Do you remember that trick Houdini did where he had to Escape from a Glass tank filled with water while wearing a straitjacket with a million locks on it? Or was that Tony Curtis, the Cracked Actor who played him in that movie?", Lady Madonna Suddenly asked. "You no talk Madonna. Thisa story isa getting very interesting!", Giovanni Cashi said, staring a very flustered Harry right between the eyes. Reply #61. Jul 18 18, 2:54 AM |
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Outside, the Madness continued. Andy Summer's headlock had reduced Tiny Tim to a quivering, sobbing, babbling wreck and, for the first Time in his life, and more recently, death, he truly did look tiny. Jammer, Against All Odds, had successfully managed to Jam all the skinheads, several clubgoers, and a Great Dane into the back of the van. The Great Dane was Peter Schmeichel, ex Manchester United and Denmark goalkeeper and an avid fan of The Police. The Police, meanwhile, were trying to gain access to the bodies scattered all over the floor of 'A Lonely Heart'. "Open up, it's The Police!" So too were the Fire brigade. "Open up, it's the Fire brigade!" And the ambulance drivers and paramedics. "Open up, it's the ambulance drivers!" "And the paramedics!" The Owner Of 'A Lonely Heart', startled by these sudden demands from outside the boutique, Nevertheless felt the need to explain a very salient point. "I don't need to open up. Just walk through the windows. There's no Glass left." Reply #62. Jul 18 18, 5:38 AM |
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Moments later, Officer Krupke, from The Westside Storey of the local police department building, was asking all sorts of questions, but to the wrong people. "Okay, which one of you Punks did all this damage?", he enquired of one of the prostrate and unresponsive shop dummies. Krupke seemed a tad annoyed about this lack of response and attempted to rouse the dummy with a well aimed but gentle Kick to the Head. He watched as the Head parted from the body and moved an inch or two across the floor. Unperturbed, Krupke tried asking another of the lifeless dummies. "Was it you, Punk?" The Owner Of 'A Lonely Heart' cleared his throat and then spoke. "I assure you officer, all The Mannequins are innocent of any crime committed here." "And Who Are You?", Krupke asked. Before the owner could answer, Lily appeared, holding up what was surely one of the most expensive dresses ever seen in a clothes boutique anywhere in the world. "How much is this one?", she asked. The owner, his eyes lit up with dollar signs, turned to answer Officer Krupke. "Who am I? Baby, I'm A Rich Man, that's who!" Reply #63. Jul 18 18, 6:44 AM |
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Actually, Baby You're A Rich Man", Lily corrected him. "I'll buy it, whatever it costs." Reply #64. Jul 18 18, 7:10 AM |
Skyflyerjen
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“You know what…” Officer Krupke started. “Those are some lovely Blue Suede Shoes. How much for those?” Before the owner got a chance to answer, the officer pulled out his .45 and aimed. “Stop giving me the stinkeye, you No Good Punk!” The mannequin to which to he was speaking was, of course, unresponsive. “This is Highly Suspect of you, you Hear Me?” The policeman was about the question his Witness when another cop decided to Run from Outside. “Sir! There’s a Punk Down on the Corner of Penny Lane!” “Aha!” the cop cried, forgetting all about his suspect who refused to cooperate. Soft Sobs could be heard from a corner of ‘A Lonely Heart’. One of the cops was clearly Breaking Down. “Look at all of these people… Victimized. Abandoned… How Will I Know who committed all of these murders?” “The cops in this Small Town!” Lily cried. “Why are they all so Dumb?” Reply #65. Jul 18 18, 12:27 PM |
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When Bladderwort and Ruby Tuesday reached the other end of Penny Lane, the first thing they noticed were the Goo Goo Dolls. With no supervisor at the 1910 Fruitgum Company to supervise, the inevitable had happened. The Goo Goo Doll machine had accidentally Switched To Overload and had been churning out thousands and thousands and thousands and millions and trillions of them, at great speed. It wasn't long before they had escaped through the wide open windows and The Doors as well. And now here they were, on Penny Lane, forming a vast, thick, very slow flowing River of Yummy, Yummy, Yummy chocolate. Children and The Mamas and The Papas of these children were gladly immersed in this River, scooping up Goo Goo Dolls by the hundreds, placing them in large buckets to take home with Them. "See how stupid I am Ruby?", Bladderwort said softly with a shake of his Head. "One Slip and look what happens." But Ruby Tuesday was no longer at the Driver's Seat. She had already joined the growing throng in what was to her, the River Of Dreams. Reply #66. Jul 18 18, 1:12 PM |
| Skyflyerjen
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Harry looked around, but Sue’s face was Lost In The Crowd. He’d been hoping his partner would Back him up. The dumb waiters surrounded him, accusing him of many things… the Wrong Things. “Time After Time you’ve just decided to Steal Away, haven’t you?” one of them asked. “He’s obviously one of The Supremes when it comes to stealing!” another added. “We can’t let him go, he’s Getting Away With Murder!” Aghast, Harry took a step back and almost slipped on Cannoli. “Hey, you People Are Crazy! I never Hurt anyone—Honest!” Finally, Harry found Sue and grabbed his collar. “I am Guilty, it’s true! That wasn’t my wife… it’s Diane, the secretary!” “Harry! You’re a Loser for cheating!” Sue declared. “At first she was Just A Girl, but she’s More Than That now. Life isn’t all Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows, okay? And anyway, these dumb waiters saw Diane, not Candy. We separated months ago. Sometime Around Midnight,” Harry explained. “Candy became a real Black-Hearted Woman. Let me tell you, she was Cold As Ice.” “Whoa, look at that Green River,” one of the dumb waiters cried, pointing Outside. “Are you Blind? That’s Hot Chocolate, You Sexy Thing!” a man yelled. Reply #67. Jul 19 18, 10:21 AM |
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Blissfully ignoring the Complicated chaos taking place in Funkytown, Angie and Pavlov sat opposite each other in a cosy little Bar in Rockaway Beach, sipping a large Black Cow through a Single straw, and professing their undying Love for each other. It was A Passion Play, an Unchained Melody of True Love. It was really quite sickening If you were the sort of person who found this type of lovestruck behaviour annoying. "Oh! Darling. You are Too Close For Comfort. I Want You To Want Me. I want you to Take Me In Your Arms....And Rock Me. P.S. I Love You.", Pavlov said as he gazed avidly into Angie's one good Eye, the one without the eyepatch. (She had a most unusual backstory) " Pavlov, You Give Me Fever. You are my Heart, my Soul, my Honey Child. I Need You Tonight. I need you Forever", Angie replied, staring, as best she could considering the eyepatch, into Pavlov's own eyes. They were the colour of the sky. A sort of drab grey. Obviously a winter sky. "Hey will you two shutup? The customers are complaining!", shouted the Bar owner. Reply #68. Jul 19 18, 1:33 PM |
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Nearby, at the veterinary clinic run by Doctor Robert, Pavlov's Dog was engaging in a running Battle with a feline who had wandered in. Doing the Stray Cat Strut from the moment it arrived and through constant use of sarcasm and cattiness, it had succeeded in upsetting the poor pooch. Pavlov's Dog was all Needles And Pins in fact, but that may have been the medical treatment and nothing to do with the cat. "So, dogbreath! I heard ya had a bit of grief with a few tons of Meatloaf. You look a bit seedy there pal. Bet ya wish you were me, hangin' around Lovecats and having Fun, Fun, Fun all year round. It's The Year Of The Cat, ya know. Actually, every year is The Year Of The Cat. We just go around having fun, Making Whoopee, and pretending to Love our owners. Look at you, strapped to that bed, stomach pumps all around. Well, if that's what being a dog's all about, I say you're barking up the wrong tree." The cat continued with The Stray Cat Strut, and continued its gloating. Pavlov's Dog responded in The Best possible way. The cat never knew what hit him. "I knew these stomach pumps would be good for Something. My Aim Is True. What's the matter Skimbleshanks, you've gone strangely silent." Reply #69. Jul 19 18, 5:34 PM |
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Back in Funkytown, another Battle had begun, this Time inside the 1910 Fruitgum Company. After failing to gather enough Goo Goo Dolls from the rapidly diminishing supply on Penny Lane, Ruby Tuesday had gone straight to the source. The Goo Goo Doll machine itself. "I demand you to switch that machine back on!", she shouted to Bladderwort who, in one of his rare moments of common sense, had left Ruby's car in a Rush to shut down the out of control machine. All the Goo Goo Dolls that hadn't made it outside had already been taken by swarms of ravenous children. And many equally ravenous chocolate loving adults. Not a Single Goo Goo Doll was left, on the floor or on the conveyor belt. Ruby's only hope, her only shot at Instant Karma, was for Bladderwort to reactivate the machine. "Switch it back on? But Ruby, I'm in enough Trouble as it is. When my Boss Michelle finds out what happened, she'll very likely make me Jump into the great big tub of chocolate syrup we have out back and order me to stay there Day After Day, Forever And Ever. Or at least until she calms down." Ruby looked calmly at Bladderwort for a few moments before replying. It was a look She only used when someone was just about to be threatened with violence "Okay, here's the thing Blads. You either turn that machine back on to whatever the wrong setting was or I'll have to throw you into the only elevator left on the trailer, close the elevator door, and make sure you're stuck between Level 17 and 18." "Level 17 and 18 of where? It's not even attached to a building, it's lying flat in your trailer." "It doesn't matter Bladdy boy. The Little Arrows on the front Still work and if I want you to get stuck between two floors, I can make it happen. And if you don't believe me, ask my brother. I did it to him when he refused to give me half his Crunchie Bar. I only let him out Because he shoved a Note under the elevator door promising to be less selfish next Time. Now, are you gonna switch the machine on or do you want to spend a bit of Time in a Metal closet?" "Don't be so silly Ruby. It's such a ridiculously implausible idea and it's obvious you're just kidding me. You must be The Joker of your Family." The last Time anyone used the words 'silly', 'ridiculously implausible idea' and 'you're just kidding me' in the same sentence while talking to Ruby Tuesday, they were never seen again. Reply #70. Jul 19 18, 9:32 PM |
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"Help"!, a tiny Voice called out half an hour later. Ruby Tuesday had been as good as her word and though Bladderwort wasn't stuck between Level 17 and 18, he was certainly stuck in the elevator. Ruby had forcibly stuck him in there. "Sorry Blads, but you're going Nowhere, Man. You're staying in there until you tell me how to get those Goo Goo Dolls churning out again." Bladderwort couldn't hear Ruby's Voice. Elevator Music was playing loudly inside what he realised, with no small degree of alarm, could very well be his new office, his new home, his new bathroom. And if that wasn't Bad enough, it was Elevator Music from Hell. A mixture of Mantovani, Liberace, Tiny Tim and The Chipmunks. On one gigantic Loop. "Did you hear what I said Jillie Bean Wadderblort or whatever your stupid name is?!" Ruby heard nothing in return except the Sounds Of Silence. Funnily enough the Sounds Of Silence was one of the Songs Mantovani and the 10,000 Strings in his Orchestra had totally ruined moments earlier. "I'm giving you one more chance Bladder. Tell me how to start the machine and I'll let you out!" More silence. "Okay then. I'll work it out myself. Have a nice stay!", said Ruby. She turned on her heels and made her way back inside. A minute later, Bladderwort finally spoke. "Help!", he called out again, meekly. "Is There Anybody Out There?" Reply #71. Jul 20 18, 5:53 AM |
| Skyflyerjen
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Sue and Harry’s bosses were looking through their work desks, looking for anything Suspicious. “Those two have been Gone for too long,” Smitty declared. “Their Whereabouts Unknown.” Nervously, Jolene threw down Useless papers. “You don’t think they’ve gone and gotten themselves Deep in some random side story, do you? You know they’ve got a Knack for doing that.” “Maybe,” Smitty mumbled. “I tell you, I can feel it In The Air Tonight… it’s China Grove all over again, they’re Up to something!” He began to pace. “If You Could Read My Mind, you’d be just as Mad! Where on Earth are they?” “Let’s Flip The Switch,” Jolene suggested. “Let’s go to them For Once. Let’s visit this so-called ‘Funkytown’.” Snickering, the secretary Diane said, “Enjoy The Silence, you two. When Sue is here, he talks Nonstop. I always wish he’d just Shut U_p.” “Shut U_p,” Smitty said. (sorry, I forgot we can't say shut u-p) Reply #72. Jul 20 18, 8:22 AM |
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'An Eminent Psychologist Discusses The Possible Reasons Why This Story May Never End.' by An Eminent Psychologist. Hello. I am an eminent psychologist. I have been asked by nobody in particular to discuss why this story May never end. This unfortunately is a topic I am not qualified to express my opinion about. My main area of interest in the field of psychology is the study and analysis of laboratory rats and chimpanzees. And the occasional Dog And Butterfly. Therefore, any opinion I proffer must be read with the knowledge that I am almost certainly guessing. In fact, my suggestion is you skip over this bit and go straight to the next installment of the story, to see if that man Bladderwort is able to Free himself from the confines of the 'Metal closet' as that Crazy but Sweet Child Of Mine, Ruby Tuesday, put it so succinctly. Sincerely Monday Monday, eminent psychologist and father of Ruby Tuesday. P.S. Hello, Ruby. It's your Mother here. Don't forget, dinner at Our House Tomorrow. Love and hugs, from daddypooh and mammapooh. Reply #73. Jul 20 18, 2:57 PM |
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"Please, Somebody Help! I Can't Stop The Music!", Bladderwort pleaded, three hours later. Reply #74. Jul 20 18, 3:14 PM |
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Monday Monday, the eminent psychologist and father of Ruby Tuesday, was in his study, Hanging On The Telephone. "Who's That Girl you're talking to Monday Monday?", his wife, Sunday Morning, called out from the White Room across the hall. "I'm not talking to a Girl Sunday Morning. I'm talking to Somebody called Doctor Robert. He's just put the phone down for a moment, one of his Flying Lizards has escaped from its Cage and is perched on a chandelier. He's gone to get a pea shooter and a large net." "So who's this Doctor Robert Monday Monday?", Sunday Morning asked. "He Sounds a bit strange to me." "He's a highly respected Animal doctor and he's just called me with a very interesting proposal." "A proposal? So it is a Girl! Tell her you're already married." "Not that kind of proposal. He read my posting in this story and was particularly interested in the fact I've dealt with the occasional Dog And Butterfly in my psychology experiments. Apparently he has a very depressed dog he's been looking after and he wants me to fly to Rockaway Beach and have a chat with him." "A chat with the dog?" "Umm...Yes." "Oh okay. When will you be Flying there?" "I'm not sure. I'll see what he suggests when he can Get Back to the phone. I wouldn't mind Flying there Tomorrow, it Sounds very interesting." "You can't possibly fly there Tomorrow. Ruby is coming round for dinner and besides, your Wings are Still at the dry cleaners." "I'm sure I have a spare set Somewhere. Ruby Tuesday will understand if I'm not able to be here for dinner, won't she Sunday Morning?" "I'm afraid not Monday Monday. Remember what happened the last Time you missed dinner? You've been avoiding buildings with elevators ever since. Does the Girl who proposed to you just now know why this dog is depressed?" I told you Sunday Morning, he's not a Girl. His name is Doctor Robert. And all I know is the dog is recovering from an over indulgence of Meatloaf and he's just found out his owner, someone called Pavlov, has proposed to his Lady friend Angie. It all seems to have resulted in a severe bout of depression for Pavlov's Dog" "And fair enough too. Imagine if you were a dog and your owner proposed to your Lady friend. It's not only immoral, it's unnatural." "Sunday Morning?", Monday Monday said after a few seconds of taking in what his wife had obviously misunderstood. "Yes, Monday Monday?" "Could you please go into another room and Stay there for a little while. Preferably the Cream and White Room at the other end of the house." "Oh okay. But you make sure Doctor Robert doesn't propose to you again while I'm gone. I'll have none of that nonsense here!" Reply #75. Jul 21 18, 12:25 AM |
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Ruby Tuesday eventually found the switch for the Goo Goo Dolls machine. She turned the dial to the maximum setting, the one reading, "This will churn out a hell of a lot of Goo Goo Dolls, please proceed with caution", and with a Flick Of The Wrist she pressed the switch from Off to On. There was a rumbling sound. Ruby watched and waited. Then there was another rumbling sound. But no Goo Goo Dolls came out. Another rumbling sound followed but Still no Goo Goo Dolls. It wasn't until the rumbling could be heard again that Ruby realised it was her stomach that was producing those Sounds. "Boy, am I hungry. Haven't eaten a thing Today. Come on, my lovely Goo Goos, Don't Be Cruel. Stop messing around, Let's Go! Move It" Seconds later, a phone could be heard ringing from Michelle's office. Ruby ignored the rings but couldn't ignore the recorded message left by the caller which was on some sort of Speaker system: "Hi Michelle. It's Jeff Lynne here from ELO, the Electric Light organisation. We've had to disconnect the power, your assistant Mister Bladderwort forgot to pay the bill again. Please Call Me so we can rectify this problem. Bye Bye Love." It was then that Ruby Tuesday noticed just how dark it was inside the 1910 Fruitgum Company. Reply #76. Jul 21 18, 5:33 AM |
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"And don't forget Saturday Night", Sunday Morning said to Monday Monday. "I've been thinking about Tomorrow constantly, ever since inviting Ruby Tuesday and her brother round for dinner. Saturday Night is a very important part of that dinner, you know Ruby Tuesday doesn't get to see him as often as she'd like." "Yes, Yes, Yes. I'll be there, okay? I'll tell Doctor Robert that Tomorrow is Friday and my daughter Ruby Tuesday and her brother Saturday Night are coming round for dinner and the earliest I can Fly to Rockaway Beach is Saturday. Or Saturday Night. Okay, Sunday Morning?" "You better tell him it will have to be Monday, Monday Monday. Saturday is Saturday Night's Birthday and Saturday Night is when we're taking both Saturday Night and Ruby Tuesday to the Thursday Club for his surprise party. Ash Wednesday, the owner of the Thursday Club, and Saturday Night's fellow members of the Wednesday Gang have arranged it. And don't start thinking you can go to Rockaway Beach on Sunday or Sunday Night either. Sunday is Ruby Tuesday's birthday and both myself and Saturday Night have planned a big surprise for her. Breakfast At Sweetheart's on Sunday Morning and then a party here at home on Sunday Night with her old school chum Taylor Swift. She hasn't seen her for years. Funny how She has the same name as that Singer, isn't it Monday Monday?" "Sorry Sunday Morning, could you repeat all that again, you've sort of lost me." Reply #77. Jul 21 18, 9:32 AM |
UmberWunFayun 
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Meanwhile, back at Penny Lane, suddenly someone new roared into the story on the back of a monster motorcycle. She hopped off the pillion, kissed the big, burly, bearded biker, and flicked a little wave of her hand as he rode away on a cloud of thunder. Having made her suitably dramatic and yet nonchalant entrance, she sauntered to the open doorway of the 1910 Fruitgum Company. As Bladderwort and Ruby Tuesday spun around to stare, she said............ .........."I Heard It On The Grapevine that you could use some Help." Reply #78. Jul 21 18, 2:01 PM |
| UmberWunFayun
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"Who Are You?" Ruby Tuesday demanded, "I usually like to Stay anonymous." The Stranger replied. "But I Guess It Doesn't Matter Anymore. Call Me........Jolene. I've come to Help, like I said. I Know What You Want. I Have What You Want." "Which is what?" Ruby Tuesday moved possessively in front of Bladderwort, scowling at this Mysterious Girl. Bladderwort tried to hide a Secret Smile, but inside, he was really Feelin Groovy. Ruby Tuesday liked him! Oh, What A Feeling! Unperturbed by Ruby's Bad Attitude, Jolene looked past her to the Simple Man behind her. "Information. The over-production of Goo Goo Dolls wasn't your fault, Bladderwort. It was sabotage, and by the same person who's part of the gang who's stealing Cars. I'm ashamed to admit it, but......it was my Twisted Sister, Lucille. See, she got in with some Bad Company, she was only Sweet Sixteen when she became a Runaway, getting into all kinds of Trouble, smoking and drinking whatever she could get her Stiff Little Fingers on. Lilac Wine, Red Red Wine, Tequila, Gin And Juice, she's not happy unless there's Whiskey In The Jar. But when she ran out of ways to make Money, she started stealing Cigarettes And Alcohol. So, she ends up doing 30 Days In The Hole, and if that doesn't Fix You, nothing will. And it didn't. She went further Off The Rails, got in with a bad crowd, and started Runnin' Moonshine for those Bad Boys from Copperhead Road. She met a lot of Crazy people, and finally ended up joining a bunch of Misfits who call themselves the Gang Of Four. They're the ones causing you all this Trouble. I know where you can find them, but I'll only tell you if you promise not to call The Police." Reply #79. Jul 21 18, 2:02 PM |
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Meanwhile, the real Bladderwort, the one who was Still stuck in the elevator, was Still stuck in the elevator. Not only did he not know a Bladderwort impostor and a biker chick on a (Steve) Harley Davidson She liked to call Helen Wheels had kibbitzed their way into the story but he discovered he didn't have such an aversion to Elevator Music after all. Shaking his Head slowly from side to side in Perfect Rhythm and gently tapping his feet , he sang along with Alvin and Theodore and the other Chipmunks, his Voice deliberately speeded up, like his fellow Chipmunks. For he thought of himself as an honorary Chipmunk now: "Oh Yeah I, Tell Ya Something, I Hope You'll Understand. Yeah You, Give Me Something. I Wanna Hold Your Hand", they all sung together, at 78 Revolutions Per Minute instead of the customary 45 RPM. The Beatles themselves would have approved. Reply #80. Jul 21 18, 4:28 PM |
122 replies. On page 4 of 7 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
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