Subject: Let's write a book...with a twist
Posted by: sectant
Date: Jun 22 18
A little clue in the title there. Shall we write a story using as many music related terms as we can, including band names and song titles? Use capital letters for the relevant words....
I got out of bed this morning, realising I was in Dire Straits. The Cars usually parked in the driveway had recently been stolen and The Police had told me the young thieves, if caught, would probably get away with little more than a Rap on the knuckles. A New Wave of crime had just begun and I had More Than A Feeling that it would only get worse unless these Punks were properly dealt with.
Okay people, it's your Turn, Turn, Turn .
Posted by: sectant
Date: Jun 22 18
A little clue in the title there. Shall we write a story using as many music related terms as we can, including band names and song titles? Use capital letters for the relevant words....
I got out of bed this morning, realising I was in Dire Straits. The Cars usually parked in the driveway had recently been stolen and The Police had told me the young thieves, if caught, would probably get away with little more than a Rap on the knuckles. A New Wave of crime had just begun and I had More Than A Feeling that it would only get worse unless these Punks were properly dealt with.
Okay people, it's your Turn, Turn, Turn .
122 replies. On page 5 of 7 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
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"Listen Jolene, I have no idea What's Going On here. All I know is I shoved Bladderwort in an elevator so that this guy here, the other Bladderwort who is Bladderwort's twin brother, though nowhere near as dumb as the elevator Bladderwort, could run off with me to a place I've always wanted to go, Rockaway Beach. It's sort of Complicated but elevator Bladderwort doesn't know he has a twin and doesn't know that I've been following him around to make sure he never finds out about his brother, the other Bladderwort. You see, elevator Bladderwort has always had a Crush on me, even though he thinks he's never met me until Today. That's how dumb he is. As I said, it's Complicated but that's okay, this story is a load of Tosh anyway. The person you really want to speak to is Lily The Pink, she's an old friend of mine, well not that old, late 20's, not old at all really. I have no idea where Lily The Pink is right now, but my guess is a clothes shop Somewhere, she's obsessed with them. And if nothing I've just said makes any sense, I apologise, but if you knew who my Parents were, you'd understand. I have no idea who you are Jolene, but please Don't Take My Man. You haven't got any Goo Goo Dolls on you, by any chance?" Reply #81. Jul 21 18, 6:43 PM |
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The Owner Of 'A Lonely Heart' had finally got around to adding up the cost of everything Lily The Pink had bought. The bodies of the car thieves had been placed in the ambulances parked on the footpath. The Deadhead car thieves themselves were all Alive And Kicking but not with any degree of energy. A few nights under observation at Funkytown's Lipps Inc.hospital, plus a glassectomy or two was, miraculously, all that was needed. And a blood transfusion, to ensure no Bad Blood was coursing through their veins. Officer Krupke had arrested all the shop store dummies. "You have the right to remain silent", he said to them all, rather needlessly. The Fire fighters, disappointed there had been no actual Fire, started one anyway, just so they had something to put out. It was a Blaze Of Glory, a Bonfire Of The Vanities which, admittedly, is a book and a film and not a Song. As far as I'm aware. "So, clothes shop guy. How much do I owe you?", Lily The Pink asked. All the items she had purchased, minus 8,000 of the hats, were lined up on the smashed counter and all along the floor except on certain parts of the bloodied carpet, the parts that were blood Free. The 8,000 hats were on Lily's Head, the Top 2,000 squashed against the ceiling. "Okay...that will be four million, two hundred and twenty nine thousand, eight hundred and sixty five dollars and eleven cents Lily." "Can you take off the eleven cents, I don't have any coins." "Certainly Lily. And May I say, it's a nice change dealing with a customer who pays in cash." Reply #82. Jul 21 18, 9:33 PM |
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"Dear Prudence", The Letter began. "It's your Little Sister Eleanor Rigby here. Who Are You? Sorry, I meant how are you? I haven't written to you since The Night Chicago Died. I know how much you loved Chicago but parrots can't live Forever. All Things Must Pass away and you have to admit, it had a long life. Until you accidentally poisoned it. I did try and tell you, didn't I, that birdseed mixed in with sulphuric acid and potassium permanganate might not be such a good idea but obviously you didn't take much Creedence in what I said. You never do. I guess it's Because I'm your Little Sister." "Some exciting things have been happening here, none of them involving me. Do you remember Father Mackenzie, that church minister who ministers in a church? If you do, could You Send Me his contact details, I can't find them in my phone book. This is Because I can't find my phone book. Or my glasses. Anyway, I need to speak to him again, last time I spoke to him, he asked me to leave because he needed to lie down. There are Still some things I have to ask him." "My next door neighbour, Bladderwort, apparently has a twin brother who looks exactly like him. He came knocking on my door about an hour ago, asking for somebody called Bladderwort. Of course, I thought it was my neighbour Bladderwort being his usual idiotic self but just to make sure, I read a very recent entry in this story and lo and behold, it's True, Love. It's terribly exciting isn't it? They look exactly alike, even The Faces are the same. Meanwhile The Police said it's highly unlikely I'll ever get my car back. I told you about all The Cars that were stolen, didn't I? Well, when The Police found out I don't Drive anymore and haven't owned a car for many years, that's when they told me I'd probably never get it back. Ain't That A Shame?" "So what have you been up to, Dear Prudence? Have You Ever Seen The Rain? Do You Believe In Love? Is There Anybody Out There? So many Questions to ask, just like the many I asked Father Mackenzie before he had to lie down." "Write soon. I'll send you a card for your Birthday. The Ace Of Spades maybe. Not long to go before you have the complete deck." Wish You Were Here Eleanor Reply #83. Jul 22 18, 11:34 AM |
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"Dear Eleanor. Rigby, my new parrot, passed away at the exact same Time The Letter you wrote was delivered to me by the postman. I said to him, "Please, Mr. Postman, will this be another one of those Return To Sender things?" Mr. Sender just won't stop proposing to me through the post, despite my telling him Years Ago he's wasting his Time. And he must have spent a fortune on stamps. And pens. And envelopes. Every now and then he includes Silly Love Songs with his letters. Do you remember him? He's the man who lives right up the top of that very steep Road To Nowhere, that Fool On The Hill who once proposed to you as well. "Face To Face, Cheek To Cheek" as Deborah Hurry, that singer in the Band Blandie, says in their song Rupture. You were both on the Dance floor at the Time, Dancing I think. Those Were The Days." "But to Get Back to The Letter you wrote. As I said Eleanor, Rigby passed away when it arrived, and it was too late for me to read your advice about the sulphuric acid and the potassium permanganate which killed poor old Chicago. Little Sister, I'll be more careful next Time and I certainly won't ignore your warnings again. Should I try Meatloaf perhaps for my next parrot? Oh by the way, you wrote "Who Are You?" in The Letter. Just in case you've forgotten, I am Dear Prudence, your big sister. I'll repeat that, just so you won't forget: "I Am", I Said, "Dear Prudence, your big sister." "No, I don't have Father Mackenzie's contact details, have you tried calling him so he can give them to you? As to your neighbour Bladderwort and his twin brother, I find it quite puzzling that a man born on New Year's Day could possibly have a twin. He's a Capricorn, not a Gemini. Strange Days in Funkytown obviously." "Must end The Letter now. Have to see The Pet Shop Boys and pick out another parrot. Maybe I should forestall any future grief by buying a parrot that's already dead. Like in that sketch by Minty Monty Python. What a Crazy comedian he was." Write as soon as ever you can't. Whoops, I meant Can. Eleanor Rigby, you're such a Dear. ....Prudence. xo P.S. It was Cold As Ice Yesterday. Three Degrees. P.P.S. When Will I See You Again? Reply #84. Jul 23 18, 12:43 AM |
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“The River has stopped!” one of La Villa Strangiato’s dumb waiters reported. “How Do You Know?” another asked. “I decided to Stand in it until it Quit so I could have Something To Talk About,” the waiter admitted, sounding Dumb again. Meanwhile, Sue was staring at the window, eyes squinting suspiciously. “There’s something going on out there,” he stated. “What’s Going On?” Harry asked. “You know what? This Cannoli goes great with Chocolate,” Michelle helpfully informed the entire room. Al was using the detective’s distracted state to attempt to Sneak out the Back. But he froze when the dumb waiter with chocolate pants screamed, “Look what I found! It’s a Message In A Bottle.” The gang all gathered in to see the contents of the bottle. It read: To Whom It May Concern I am being kept Under Lock And Key against my will! Well, technically I don’t think there’s a lock or a key, but I sure can’t Get Out. I suffer from Agoraphobia so I don’t want to Leave. But I wanted a pen pal and, as Luck would have it, a River appeared! I was sleeping and having some Sweet Dreams when my Mother came screaming about the River. Why Can’t We Be Friends? Call Me! 867-5309 Roxanne Reply #85. Jul 23 18, 2:54 PM |
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“This has gotta be The Worst Joke Ever,” Sue seethed. “This only serves as a Distraction!” Nodding, Harry had to admit, “That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore. We need to be Men At Work. Let’s interview Michelle again.” The two detectives agreed to Rush at Michelle, who was looking a little Green. “Tell us Everything!” Sue yelled. “You’re hiding something, I just know it!” “I’ve Heard That Song Before,” Michelle said in a low Voice. “I’m so sick of your Suspicious Minds! Get Over It already, in your Dreams you could never catch those car thieves!” She stood Up and belched Loudly. “The Cannoli tastes a little Funny.” “I knew it, I knew it! Beware! Criminal!” Sue bellowed. “Hands Up, Lady! You’re Doin’ Time!” Al had to step in. “It’s not a crime to think you guys aren’t Good Enough for your jobs,” the young man said. “I Fought The Law once and they didn’t dare Arrest Me.” “Uhh… Sue?” Harry asked. “You! Gal, was it? You’re Under Arrest too, Punk!” “Stop calling me Punk!” Al yelled. “Sue!” Harry yelled. But Sue was too distracted. He once again shoved the kid against a wall. “That was the Last Straw, Gal!” “SUE?” “My name is Al!” “SSSUUUEEE!!” Harry screeched as Michelle stumbled forward and became Sick As A Dog… All Over Sue’s back. Reply #86. Jul 23 18, 2:54 PM |
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And then everyone went home Sweet home and lived happily ever after. The End (Except for Ruby Tuesday and the Bladderwort twins. They ended up in the elevator and it was Ruby who got the last bit of dialogue in the story: "Well guys, it looks like I'm Stuck In The Middle With You two." (Sorry folks, this was getting a bit unwieldy. Let's start a new, less Complicated story.) Reply #87. Jul 23 18, 3:24 PM |
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The original story now lies buried in Funkytown’s local Cemetery Drive. Its last words were allegedly “I Just Died In Your Arms”. Now we all know the story is Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door, as it surely deserves A Place In Heaven. Was it truly Ready To Die? No. In truth, it will be crying Tears in Heaven. Maybe I just need to Let It Be, let it Fade To Black, but for now I will be Sad Sad Sad in the Sad Café trying to remind myself that Big Girls Don’t Cry. Reply #88. Jul 24 18, 9:37 AM |
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Umm...you could always do the Resurrection Shuffle and let the story Breathe again. It wasn't really Up To Me to demand it reach The End and to tell everybody to Pack It Up And Go. I mean it wasn't as if I was a One Man Band in contributing to those Tales Of Mystery And Imagination. I'd hate to think you were getting the Blues In The Night under that Northern Sky. The One Thing I can easily do is Change My Mind, for Suddenly I See it's The Right Thing To Do. So, I hope everything is All Right Now. You can feel Free to Rock On with the story. I'm With You....All The Way. Sincerely Paperback Writer Reply #89. Jul 24 18, 10:40 AM |
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Dear Prudence Funkytown has been very quiet for two days now. All The Young Dudes seem to have Gone, Gone, Gone. At the moment it's just Another Day. There are Rumours that The Chain of command abruptly decided to abruptly make a decision to abruptly do Something or other, but this is all Second Hand News and I Don't Want To Know anyway. Oh, and do you remember Rhiannon, that Welsh girl from Wales who we met in that Big Yellow Taxi at the Airport when we went on Holiday to America All Those Years Ago? I hope you do, Because I can't remember her at all, so you'll have to fill me in. It's funny you mentioned Minty Monty Python, she was interviewed on the Television news Tonight. She kept going On and On about some people called John Cleese and Eric Idle and Graham Chapman and Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam and Michael Palin. Whoever they are! So, not much to report from this end. Hope you've found a new parrot, and I hope it stays alive and keeps on Staying Alive. That's all Down To You of course. Your Little Sister, Eleanor Rigby. Reply #90. Jul 26 18, 12:22 PM |
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Dear Eleanor. Sad news to report. Parrot number three has, as Minty Monty would say, "ceased to be. Yes, it has shuffled off this mortal coil." It seems it had a Bad reaction to the diet I prescribed for it. I gave it A Spoonful Of Sugar and several spoonfuls of Meatloaf. I had an intuition this would happen, based solely on previous experience, which is why I decided not to give it a Name. Pointless really. And so parrot number three it will remain. Meanwhile, parrot number four seems to be Alive And Kicking for the moment. I'll wait and see if it survives the night before giving it a Name. I Wish You Were Here to see it, happily munching away on its birdseed mixed in with lots of horse radish and chicken Curry to add a bit of Taste. Beautiful plumage too! That's very odd news you told me about All The Young Dudes in Funkytown. I'm sure they'll reappear soon. Mind you, it must be very difficult for characters in a story to do or say anything without the gentle guidance of a man or Lady Writer. Let me know if there are any Changes in that situation. Yes I vaguely remember Rhiannon. I think we struck up a bit of a conversation with her in that Big Yellow Taxi. Wasn't she the Girl who loved Fleetwood Mac and Joni Mitchell? Or was that Albatross, the Girl who loved early Fleetwood Mac and who we met at Woodstock? I think if parrot number four shows no devastating side effects from its meal, I'll print up a little t-shirt for it with the words I Will Survive emblazoned on it. Write soon P.S. Birdseed is so expensive. It really is quite Dear... ....Prudence. xo Reply #91. Jul 26 18, 5:56 PM |
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The two detectives working the stolen Cars case met up with their bosses, Smitty and Jolene. “That Lady Writer got an Obsession or something,” Harry mumbled, shaking his head. “Maybe she loved it Too Much.” Rolling his eyes, Sue responded, “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” Waving it all away, Sue added, “Anyway, It’s All Over. It was Fun, we had some Good Times, but all in all…” “It’s just Another Brick In The Wall?” Harry supplied. “I’m glad to say I’m leaving the old 9 To 5,” Sue stated. Jolene laughed but he didn’t know why. “I am proud to say… I did it My Way…” he turned to his bosses. “So Take This Job And Shove It!” Then he softened. “Ten Years Gone, working here. I’ve decided to open up my own Cannoli shop! I already have an order for the largest Cannoli I can make!” “Let’s Hear It For The Boy!” Harry cried. The two bosses stood and marveled at the scene. “For some reason the buyer wants it delivered to the 1910 Fruitgum Company. No idea why, but I say, let the Good Times Roll!” Sue declared. He clapped his hands and left Penny Lane, whistling Takin’ Care Of Business. Reply #92. Jul 27 18, 10:19 AM |
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Bladderwort woke up from his Dream. Or was it a nightmare? He was stuck in an elevator with a twin brother he never knew he had. Another Bladderwort. And with Ruby Tuesday, the young lady who had forcibly stuck him in there. But when he awoke, the nightmare had vanished. It was just himself in the lift. He had been there for a few days now. He had no idea the other Bladderwort did in fact exist. And that Ruby Tuesday was not the person he thought she was. Then again, there were many things he had no idea about. Getting out of the elevator in the simplest way possible was one of Them. "I wonder what will happen if I press the door open button?", he thought to himself, several days after the thought should have first occurred to him. He pressed the button. The door opened. "So that's what it's for!", he said as he walked out and immediately began looking for a toilet and a place to eat. How he managed to control his bladder for So Long is anybody's guess. Reply #93. Jul 27 18, 2:40 PM |
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Harry was planning to head Home after his meeting with the big bosses, but was stopped by Lily. He couldn’t remember her entire Name, so he stuck with Lily. “Just Lost a partner, eh?” Lily began. “Why don’t you Shake It Up and get a new one?” “One Sweet Day,” Harry replied. “Until then, I’m heading Home to get some Sleep.” He yawned and began to hail a Cab. “You know What I Like About You? You’re willing to get some Help. I am here to announce I’m available to team up with you!” Lily said excitedly. Shocked, Harry spoke without thinking first. “In your Dreams, honey.” “Hey. Maybe, just maybe, You Make My Dreams Come True. Besides, so far I’ve been one of the smartest people in this story… Smarter Than You for sure,” the girl claimed. Angry, Harry folded his arms across his chest. “How’s It Going To Be when you have to really do some Work then?” “I’ll be Fine, silly!” Shaking his head, Harry just walked Way Away from Lily, who followed. “Listen, I owe this guy some Money. I’m not exactly a Rich Girl and am no Billionaire. What say you?” Harry’s answer to Lily’s Question was him Diving into the closest cab and paying the Driver what he had left in his wallet. Reply #94. Jul 30 18, 12:08 PM |
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A Note from Leonard Bernstein. Composer, Musician, Conductor. Hello. I'm Leonard Bernstein, speaking through the medium of a medium. A Note has been requested of me, and a Note I Will provide: C. ( C Sharp for the More adventurous) Enjoy the story, I especially like that Lily girl. I have a Concert to Rehearse here in the Pearly Gates Showroom for a small group of elite Composers, long dead and very long of tooth and Beard. It shall be an exciting, star studded lineup with guest appearances by a diverse assortment of once Earthly artists. Mozart will perform an Aria from his latest Opera, The Magic Flute (continued) and Beethoven will undoubtedly Pop in for a look see. He is Still unfortunately deaf, so a look see is The Best he can do by way of enjoyment. Sir Edward Elgar will give a talk during intermission on The Best way to trim a handlebar moustache and Duane Allman, guitar genius, will join his brother Gregg and bass guitarist extraordinaire Berry Oakley on a 33 minute Jam Session, featuring Jerry Garcia of the appropriately named Grateful Dead. This is what all you Still living mortals on Earth are currently missing out on as you go about your daily existence. It's a lot More fun up here than you think. Robin Williams has us all in stitches every night. Except Beethoven, understandably. He just sits there, hoping Marcel Marceau will perform. Mime, he understands. Hope you enjoyed my Note. A Nice 'N' Easy one to start off with. Yours A.D Leonard Bernstein Reply #95. Aug 12 18, 3:22 AM |
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Dear Prudence Won't You Come Out To Play? Dear Prudence. Greet The Brand New Day. Hello Love, It's Eleanor again. I thought I'd start The Letter with that little rhyme I used to Sing to you when we were young. The same one John Lennon heard when he passed Our House one morning and which he stole for that Song on The White Album. Funnily enough, he called it Dear Prudence. Shameless theft but of course nobody believed us. The nerve of that man, pretending he wrote it when he was in Marrakesh with the Maharajah Yogi Bear studying Transcendental Levitation. Not much to report. Not much happening in Funkytown. Nothing at all, to be perfectly honest. I even said as much to Sir Paul McCartney Yesterday, he moved in across the road and is living in the large house next to Kate Bush who moved in on the same day. Pity there's nothing exciting to report though. Oh, I did buy the entire publishing rights to the complete Capitol Recordings of Frank Sinatra but that's just business news and I know it bores you. I Will tell you though, his daughter Nancy strikes a hard bargain. But we got there in The End. Off to the bank now to write Nancy a cheque. She's coming around tomorrow for tea. And biscuits. And to meet Sir Paul and the lovely Kate Bush. Apologies for the lack of anything interesting to relate. Your Little Sister Eleanor Rigby. Reply #96. Aug 15 18, 3:36 AM |
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Dear Eleanor Maybe I'm Amazed but that's the seventh Time McCartney has ended up moving in across the road from you in the past 40 years. Perhaps Because these coincidences keep occuring so often, it's made you rather blase about the whole thing. It's so unexpectedly expected now that it just washes over you, like ducks off a backwater or however that saying goes. And Kate Bush too! How lucky you are to have a relative of a former United States president living nearby. I'm assuming that's who she is, I've never heard of her. Ooh, hang on Eleanor, I must turn the radio up, that lovely Song Wuthering Heights has just come on. Maybe they'll say who the Singer is, I've always wanted to know. And so you had to Do It Again, spend all your billions on Music Publishing Rights. First it was all the Bands from the 60's British Invasion, then the complete George and Ira Gershwin, Cole Porter, Irving Berlin catalogues and now it's Frank Sinatra, a Singer you never had any Time for in the first place. "Too much of a temper, too much of a womaniser, too friendly with Marlon Brando and the other Mafia figures, too this, too that", you always said. Eleanor, you must stop these willy nilly buyouts, it will only make you even more phenomenally wealthy and you don't want that now, do you? It will only lead to more Money and more begging letters from people you don't know. And several more from me and the rest of our Family. Thank you for the lifetime supply of birdseed, I had to buy Buckingham Palace to house it all. I knew that last lot of Money I asked you for would come in handy. The Queen was rather upset that I asked her to leave. She was so Adam Ant about staying, I ended up letting her share the corgi's space. I see nothing but problems with that Woman. Would you believe? Apparently, it's someone called Kate Bush who sings Wuthering Heights. Yet another coincidence. Send Money soon. With a letter if you must. Look after yourself Dear..... .....Prudence xo P.S. Parrot number four still going strong. Forty four, that should read. Reply #97. Aug 15 18, 2:49 PM |
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" Hi Mother, sorry I'm late for dinner, but Funkytown was a bit chaotic today. Plus I did some clothes shopping. Bought a few hats and Things." Lily smiled. And then frowned. "Mother, why are you staring at me open mouthed?" Lily's Mother, Ava Adore, eventually answered. "It's the hats Lily. You're wearing too many of them. You can't even get through the door. How many did you buy?" "8,000. Is there a really big ladder here? You might need to Help me remove them." Reply #98. Aug 25 18, 6:00 AM |
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It took a Long Time before Lily and Ava Adore were able to sit and enjoy their dinner. 8,000 hats is a lot of hats to remove plus Lily's Mother kept falling off the ladder a neighbour had kindly lent her. "Why don't you get dad to do it?", Lily had sensibly asked. "Now come on Lily, you know I have no idea who your dad is. Or where he is." "Oh that's right, I forgot. Sorry Mother, bit of a brain fade." "I'm not surprised Sweet Child Of Mine. Those hats seem to be a tight fit, your head's probably all squashed in by now." Lily couldn't think of a reply. Other than, "Yes of course it is, Mother." The dinner had been arranged earlier in the week when Funkytown had been just a little town of peace, quiet and ordinarinesslessness. Or whatever The Word is. "So tell me about your day Lily.", Ava the Mother asked Lily The Offspring as they ate their Food Glorious Food. "What, the whole day? From the beginning? Sorry Mother, I don't have enough Time." "That kind of a day, was it Lily?" "Yes Mother. Where do I start?" "The hats, Lily. Start with why you bought so many." "So many? Wait 'til you see how many dresses and skirts and blouses and shoes are stacked outside." Reply #99. Aug 25 18, 5:12 PM |
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Officer Krupke was having a few problems. He had known a lot of stubborn criminals over the years, criminals who refused to buckle under The Weight of hours of interrogation. But the shop store mannequins he had arrested were the most stubborn he had ever come across. "Okay, let's try again. For the thousandth time, what are your names?" He was met, for the thousandth time, with the Sound Of Silence. Not a peep came out of The Mannequin's mouths. Krupke looked at the mannequin with the missing Head. The Head was in its own chair in The Police cell, next to the Mannequin it was once attached to. Officer Krupke could only marvel at its refusal to ask to be reattached. This wasn't mere stubborness, it was sheer bloody mindedness. "Okay, I'll make a deal with the lot of you. If you answer just one Question, I'll let you all go. Please? Just one. Make a poor, tired old police officer happy. What are your names?" None of The Mannequins replied. None of them even moved. Not even slightly. They were as Still as they were when the interrogation began, five hours earlier. Officer Krupke, in a fit of anger at this constant refusal to cooperate, kicked the chair with the Head on it. It fell to the floor. And then it sneezed. Krupke, startled by this turn of events, uttered the first word that came to him. "Gesundheit", he said. Reply #100. Aug 26 18, 2:57 AM |
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