Special Sub-Topic: Confused Characters Click Here To Play: Confused Characters

“So there I was, washing my hands, when who should come traipsing in but that lovesick boy. Walking around pinning bad poetry to the columns in my house. Disgusting!”

Lady Macbeth talking about Orlando. Lady Macbeth, from “Macbeth” (or The Scottish Play), is famous for trying to wash bloodstains out of her hands, and Orlando, from “As You Like It,” writes bad love poetry to Rosalind, with whom he is head over heels in love. In the forest of Arden, Orlando pins his horrible poetry to the trees. Rosalind finds it and reads it to Touchstone, who comments, “Truly, the tree yields bad fruit” (3.2).

“Ack! What is that thing? I said that a man with a beard is less than a youth, and a man with no beard is less than a man, but his entire head is furry! It looks like a donkey!”

Beatrice talking about Bottom. In “Much Ado About Nothing,” Beatrice has a speech explaining why she could not marry a man with a beard or without, stating, “he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him” (2.1). In this question, she’s not sure what to do, however, as she’s spied Bottom, from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” whose head has been changed into that of an ass by Puck.

“I was gathering wood when I saw someone hobbling along the shore, hands outstretched as if to feel the way. I’ll not tell my master--perhaps danger will follow this figure and curse my master.”

Caliban talking about Gloucester. In “The Tempest,” Prospero has enslaved the island's native man-beast Caliban and often forces him to gather wood. Caliban hates Prospero and curses his name. Unfortunately for Caliban, however, he won’t find any relief with this visitor, as Gloucester, blinded by Cornwall in “King Lear,” will most likely not want to hurt Prospero.

"I was walking through Padua when I saw her, that unfaithful woman. At least I've heard she's unfaithful. I can't believe she's here in my city! And with no handkerchief, either. Disgraceful! I've called people young, budding virgins before, but not her!"

Katherina talking about Desdemona. "The Taming of the Shrew" takes place in Padua, where Katherina's family lives. At one point in the play, Petruchio tests her loyalty to him by asking her to call an older gentleman a "young budding virgin, fair and fresh and sweet" (5.5). Desdemona, from "Othello," has been accused of having an affair with Cassio because of a planted handkerchief, and Katherina has heard this story, even though it isn't true.

"Zounds! They dropped me in the river! I'll never get this chill out of my bones...but she must really love me! I'll--who is that? Walking around with that little man following him. Does he think he's the head of the watch? He's ridiculous!"

Falstaff talking about Dogberry. In "The Merry Wives of Windsor," Falstaff hides in Mistress Ford's laundry basket to escape her jealous husband. Mistress Ford has arranged for the basket carriers to dump him in the Thames. Dogberry is the head of the night watch in "Much Ado About Nothing." He's quite a fool and is always shadowed by his second in command, Verges. I wanted to write from Dogberry's point of view, but I couldn't think of any malapropisms clever enough.

"Who is that young hothead? Witty and clever, to be sure, but also ready to duel at the drop of a hat. Hmmm...maybe I can hire him to do some dirty work for me. I've got this poison for the ear, but a sword would be so much more...dramatic."

Claudius talking about Mercutio. Mercutio is a character from "Romeo and Juliet" who has found himself in "Hamlet." Mercutio is a very witty character (his Queen Mab speech comes to mind), but runs head first into a duel with Tybalt, by whom he is killed. In "Hamlet," Claudius kills Hamlet's father by poisoning him in the ear. This question takes place before this event, since Claudius is wondering if Mercutio will kill the king instead. If I were Mercutio, I'd steer clear. After all, we all know how "Hamlet" ends...

"Well you see, I'd just escaped from my father's house when I saw her. She looks like she has an over-protective father--I recognize the symptoms. But I think she's been much more sheltered than me. Well, I'll teach her how to find her own way, though she may regret it later."

Jessica talking about Miranda. Jessica is Shylock's daughter in "The Merchant of Venice," and views her father as very overbearing. She escapes to marry Lorenzo and steals some money and jewelry from her father as well. Miranda and her father Prospero come from "The Tempest," where, shipwrecked on an island, Miranda has never seen another man except Caliban, and the protective Prospero is a little wary of letting her get too close to one. The end of the question recalls the debate about Jessica's character at the end of "Merchant." Scholars cannot decide if she is happy to be free from her father, or if regrets forsaking him and her heritage.

"What's this, a shipwreck? And someone crawling out of it? Oh, what a pretty youth! Since that peevish boy would have nothing to do with me, this new youth is far better than the shepherd who is always chasing after me. I'll write him a letter."

Phebe talking about Viola. In "As You Like It," the shepherdess Phebe is loved by the shepherd Silvius, but Phebe has fallen in love with Ganymede, who is actually Rosalind disguised as a man. Rosalind, naturally, does not take kindly to these attentions, causing Phebe to call her a "peevish boy" (3.5) and write her a letter speaking her mind. Poor Phebe is doomed, however, for here she is focusing on another woman disguised as a man: Viola, disguised as Cesario, from "Twelfth Night." Viola and her brother Sebastian have shipwrecked on the shore of Illyria.

"Ooh! A young maiden! And daughter to a great king, I hear, though she appears a simple shepherd girl. Perhaps I can make her fall in love with me, then kill her father and take over her country. Well, I've done similar things before. It's worth a shot."

Richard III talking about Perdita. Richard III, the title character in his play, kills many, many people in his quest to the throne. Along the way, he convinces Anne Neville that he killed her family members out of love for her. Later, he marries her, and briefly becomes king until he himself is killed. Here he's come across Perdita, from "The Winter's Tale." She's the daughter of the king of Sicilia, but has been raised as a shepherdess in Bohemia. She should run away as fast as she can, since Richard killed Anne as well.

"Who is that? A ghost? No, it's not my father. I don't recognize that man, but he's holding a pillow. He's surely up to no good. I'll follow him--revenge never works out quite right."

Hamlet talking about Othello. Hamlet and Othello, from plays of the same names, both wreak revenge on others. The ghost of Hamlet's father tells him to avenge his death, which eventually results in the death of nearly every character. After this experience, he's wise to warn Othello away from revenge on Desdemona, whom Othello believes to be unfaithful. In the play, Othello smothers Desdemona in her bedchamber.