Affected Latin: Phrases For Contemporary Use

15 Points Per Correct Answer - No time limit  

1. Your son's story about the roving band of gypsies that steal his homework is no longer eliciting laughs from his classmates nor dissuading the teacher from entering a "0" into her grading book. You advise him that when Ms. Simms asks him what happened to his math homework next time, to reply with an air solemn, aggrieved, resignation, "Canis meus id comedit." What have you advised him to tell his teacher? (Hint: A well-turned Latin phrase can be man's best friend.) My dog ate it. I accept what will come to me. I love Gerbils. My acne made me do it.

2. You inform an overweight sedentary friend that they are a true "radix lecti". He seems pleased. According to the BBC's "Handy Latin Phrases", what have you called your indolent friend? A radical thinker A superb speaker A delectable fool A couch potato

3. A friend is in a tight spot and craves your wise council or at least your favorite gratuitous platitude. After a pause that refreshes, you decide on the latter. You express your sentiments in Latin. "Res melius evinissent cum coca," you aver confidently. Your friend realizes that when it comes to your advice, it's the real thing. Of what have you reminded him? Things go better with coke. Real men do eat quiche. Good things come to those who wait. Let it all hang out.

4. Knowing a few well-selected Latin phrases also allows one to speak out loud things one would normally have to mutter under one's breath. Which of the following indicates that you are finding a speaker odiously wearisome? Te odeo, interfice te cochleare! Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstione! Caesar si viveret, ad remum daresis! Qui vir odiosus!

5. Your son is starting to get the hang of inserting Latin phrases into everyday conversations. Facing your displeasure over the number of classes he's been cutting, he tells you philosophically, "Sic faciunt omnes." With what stereotypical rationalization are you being presented? Everybody's doing it. It's not like I'm going to college. Nobody really cares. Things aren't like when you were in school.

6. Although you're generally a timid soul, you feel confident and assertive as you briskly march through the crowd in your favorite Latin t-shirt that reads "Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!" Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business! My other chariot is a Porsche! Go ahead! Make my day! I'm cool! I speak Latin!

7. Before committing this pithy Latin phrase to memory, I often found myself sputtering a lame "Oh Yeah!" when a harsh critic impugned my parentage. Now I adopt a supercilious countenance, chuckle indulgently and respond haughtily, "Mater tua criceta fuit, et pater tuo redoluit bacarum sambucus." Which of the following translates my rejoinder? (Hint: Think Python, think "Holy Grail".) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Oh yeah! Your mother was foolish and your father lazy. Do you by chance happen to own a large, yellowish, very flat cat?

8. Which of the following bumper stickers expresses the driver's sentiments regarding proscribing ownership of weapons and criminal activity and is most likely to be found on the back of a pickup truck with a gun rack ? Frena pro feris teneo. Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis propinquus ades. Sona si latine loqueris. Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscripti catapultas habebunt.

9. When I feel the need to express my delight and astonishment at what I've just been told, I fear that in doing so I may lose my air of refinement and polish. That's why I'm inclined to exclaim, "Fac me cocleario vomere!". With what implement have I suggested retching be induced? A gerbil A spoon A feather A pitchfork

10. Latinization can even spruce up the title of a dopey sitcom about people marooned on an Island while out on a three hour tour. To which of the following shows do I refer? Insula Gilliganensis Zona Crepusculi Dies Felices Id Castori Concedite