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Really Just a Pretty Face
"At some point in my youth, I was really just a pretty face! Alas, I am quickly plummeting from angelic to crony. Now I wait for wisdom to kick in."
15 Points Per Correct Answer - No time limit
The first thing I noticed about getting older is that my thick, lustrous hair is becoming limp and very scarce. What is the common name for this unnecessary female condition?
The next clue my face was changing was when I tried to apply eyeshadow. I had trouble locating my eyelids! My eyebrows have dropped down so low that even if I could put on eyeshadow, nobody would be able to see it. Why have my eyebrows drooped down in front of my eyes?
I have seen too many ugly things and my body is reacting by trying to cover up my eyes.
I gained so much weight that the excess had no where to go but up.
As we age, our forehead skin lowers over the eyebrows and proceeds to sag over the upper eyelids.
The loss of hair takes weight off the top of our heads and causes the eyebrows to droop down.
Upon further inspection, my face looks like I have been sunbathing with a colander over my head. I have strange brown spots here and there that I absolutely cannot scrub off. What are these freckly-looking spots?
Aging causes skin color changes, and the increased skin pigmentation shows up as "age spots."
The spots are caused by too much sun with the colander on my face.
The grandchildren were bored while I napped and found some brown permanent markers.
My vision is not good, I see spots everywhere.
I've noticed lately that I have difficulty seeing clearly, but this morning I'm a little scared! I can't see well enough to notice if there are any other changes in my appearance. What is causing my foggy vision?
My eyebrows have drifted even further south.
I took a shower with my glasses on and they're all fogged up.
Cataracts are clouding my eyes' natural lenses.
Without eyeshadow on my eyelids, nothing looks the same.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered if your nose and your ears are getting bigger? It might look that way, but my doctor assures me they really aren't. They just look like they are. What is a good explanation for this phenomenon?
Noses grow when you lie, and ears grow when you eavesdrop.
Your nose and ears only look bigger because there's a lot less hair on your head.
Aging causes the collagen and elastin fibers to break down, which in turn causes the nose and ears to droop and appear larger.
Not being able to wear eyeshadow and mascara focuses more attention on the size of the nose and ears.
Winter's over, it's time to get out of the turtlenecks and into the tank tops. Wait a minute, what has happened to my neck? This must be what's referred to as a "turkey neck." What is a "turkey neck?"
Gobbledeegookotomy - excess ingestion of turkey causes neck muscles to relax and gives the appearance of loose skin about the neck area.
Torticollis of the neck, which causes your head to tilt at an odd angle and pulls on the skin around your neck.
A whole lot of loose skin under your chin and jaw which can hang down and sway.
An old whiplash injury which causes extra skin to accumulate around your lower neck.
I'm still vain about my teeth, the few I have left, and I'm thinking they need whitening. What is a possible side effect of having my teeth bleached?
Everyone will know where I am if I smile in a dark room.
My tongue will become as white as my teeth.
Bleach breath is the worst.
Bleaching gel may cause tooth sensitivity to hot or cold fluids.
Today my vision is a little better and guess what I've noticed now? That's right, my husband looks better than I do! Why is it that women seem to physically age faster than men?
Female skin starts to wrinkle sooner and faster than men's.
Wrinkles are caused by frowning too much.
Wearing makeup daily does not allow the skin to breathe.
If you can afford botox, wrinkles are optional and the question is moot.
Holy Moly, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I've found a huge dark mole on the side of my nose! If it had been a little tiny dark mole near my lip like Cindy Crawford or above my lip along the dimple line like Marilyn Monroe, then what would this facial distraction be called?
a beauty mark
a witch's mark
There are huge tears constantly rolling down my cheeks, even though I'm not even crying. My doctor advised it appears my tear ducts are "blocked." There are several different causes for this affliction, but lucky for me, I can be easily treated with antibiotics because I have a severe infection of what?
my nose piercing
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Compiled May 23 13