Absurd French 771

15 Points Per Correct Answer - No time limit  

1. Si les acheteurs de tableaux de Marcel de Simiane savaient qu’il était chimpanzé en réalité, ils seraient outrés. If the purchasers of paintings by Marcel de Simiane knew he was a really a chimpanzee, they’d be appalled. If the purchasers of paintings by Marcel de Simiane were chimpanzees, they’d be shocked to know they were out of a lot of money. If the clients at tables at Marcel de Simiane’s restaurant knew he was really serving fake champagne, they’d been appalled. If the purchasers of paintings by Marcel de Simiane knew he was out of his mind, they would ask more for them when they sold them.

2. Pour financer ses études, Maurice vendait de la barbe à papa au cirque. Becoming an international financier after his studies, Maurice left his father to join the circus. To pay for his studies, Maurice sold cotton candy at the circus. To pay for his studies, Maurice asked his father to grow a beard and become circus performer. To finance his artist’s studio, Maurice grew a beard and painted the circus performers.

3. Viens chez moi ce soir, j’habite chez mon caniche. Tonight tonight won’t be just any night. Come to my house tonight, I live with my boyfriend. Come to my place tonight, I live at my poodle’s. Vienna in the evening is lovely with its barges.

4. Veuillez m’excuser messieurs, mais vous allez abîmer vos baskets sur les sales bancs du Metro. I’m terribly sorry gentlemen, but you are going to damage your tennis shoes on the dirty Metro benches. I’m terribly sorry gentlemen, but you are going to damage your shopping baskets on the white benches of the Metro. I’m terribly sorry gentlemen, but your shopping baskets are full of dirty white laundry from the Metro. I’m terribly sorry gentlemen, but your tennis shoes are going to dirty the Metro benches.

5. Honnêtement, je préférerais nettoyer ma salle de bains et me laver les cheveux ce soir plutôt que de sortir avec lui. Honestly, I’d prefer cleaning my bathroom and washing my hair and gazing at Pluto rather than go out with him. Honestly, I’d prefer cleaning my bathroom and washing my hair tonight rather than going out with him. Honestly, I preferred netting goldfish in the bathtub and riding horses last night rather than going out with him. Honesty is what I’d prefer to pretending to clean my bathroom, washing my horse, and going out with him tonight.

6. « Dessine-moi un papillon », dit le Prince au mouton. « Sire, si seulement je pouvais. » “Draw me a sheep”, said the Prince to the butterfly. “Sire, if only I could.” “Draw a butterfly for me,” said the Prince to the sheep. “Sire, I only draw sheep.” “Guess which butterfly I am.”, said the Prince to the sheep. “Sire, I fear I cannot.” “Draw me a butterfly”, said the Prince to the sheep. “Sire, if only I could.”

7. Moi qui avais toujours rêvé devenir pompier, me voici pompiste. Me, the person who’d always dreamt of becoming a painter, here I am a firefighter. Me, the person who’d always dreamt of becoming a funeral director, here I am a painter. Me, the person who’d always loved high heels, here I am in flats. Me, the person who’d always dreamt of becoming a firefighter, here I am a service station attendant.

8. Pardon, mais saviez-vous qu’il y avait une abeille dans votre beau nez? Pardon me, but did you say there was an abbey here that kept bees? Pardon me, but did you know that there was a bee in your bonnet? Pardon me, but did you know that there was a bee in your beautiful nose? Pardon me, but did you know there was once an abbot with a beautiful nose here?

9. Un nuage de corbeaux s’est envolé de la corbeille à papiers. A crowd of crows flew out of the fruit basket. A cloud of papers flew out of the hearse. A cloud of crows flew out of the wastepaper basket. A cloud of crows stole the wastepaper basket.

10. Donc, si je vous comprends bien Giselle, vous voudriez me quitter pour aller vivre dans un couvent? C’était quelque chose que je vous ai dit ? Therefore I understand Giselle would like to leave me to join you in the convent? Is there anything I can say? So though I understood Giselle so well, she wished to leave me to go live in a convent. It must have been something I said. So, if I understand you correctly Giselle, you would like to leave me to go live in a convent? Was it something I said? Then, if I understand you correctly Giselle, you’d like to leave me to go become an undercover agent? Was I just another informant for you?