You vs. Smart Alec - At the Job Centre

15 Points Per Correct Answer - No time limit  

1. Oh no! You'd recognize that smug grin anywhere. Smart Alec is your career advisor! You'd better make sure you don't let him win this mental battle or else you could be unemployed forever! "So", he says, studying your file very closely, "I see you have some experience in the pedagogical field. Am I right?" What do you say? "Yes, that's right, I was the captain of the cycling club at school." "No, I wanted to be a librarian but I've never actually worked in a library." "No, you're wrong there, I have never studied medicine." "Yes, that's correct, I was a teaching assistant as part of my university course."

2. Smart Alec clears his throat. "A-hem. Right, so then, I have a position here that requires some thespianic talents. Would that suit you?" He fixes you with a beady stare. What should you say to put him back in his place? "Sounds good but I only studied French at University." "Perfect! I have played 'Hamlet', you know." "No thanks, my poor eyesight prevented me from being a pilot." "Wonderful! My clay pot exhibition was the most profitable stall at the village fair."

3. Smart Alec pulls out another folder full of notes and starts rifling through it, obviously annoyed. Suddenly, he gives you a sly, sideways look and pulls out an old, yellowing piece of paper. "Right, maybe we'll have more luck with this one. Have you ever considered becoming a Peeler?" You can tell he's trying to catch you out with this one! From what you can see of the piece of paper, this appears to be an old English term. What's the correct response? "Well, I was once compared to Placido Domingo but I don't quite have the range for opera." "Working for the postal service? Too many early mornings for me!" "My talent for investigative journalism hasn't really been recognized so I've given up on that dream." "Join the police? Not really for me, I'm afraid."

4. Smart Alec takes a sip of water and composes himself. He continues looking through the file and plucks out another, even older piece of paper. He turns it around and holds it up to you with a raised eyebrow. The heading says "Sawbones". How do you feel about this one? "A magician? I suppose I could give it a go." "Sorry, I have no medical experience at all." "Wow, I love dinosaurs!" "Er, a boat-builder? Not for me, sorry!"

5. Smart Alec is pulling at his collar even more now. Then he snaps his fingers and pulls out an ornate file from his cupboard. You'd better have your brain switched on for this one! "So, any other ideas?" you ask. "I was thinking about this one," he answers, "but I don't think campanology is really for you. What do you think?" "I haven't been camping since I was a child so let's try something else." "You're right, I hate fish!" "Of course it's for me! I won first prize in a landscape photography competition last year." "Bell-ringing? You're right, not really my bag."

6. Smart Alec excuses himself for a moment but you don't have much time to poke about his desk. When he comes back, the colour's back in his cheeks and he looks ready for another round. Don't get too cocky now, he'll definitely have some nasty tricks up his sleeve! "Let's look at the next job," he says. "There's a position here for a milliner's assistant. How would you feel about that?" "I do have very strong upper arms so helping to grind grain would be easy, if a bit boring." "Well, I look great in them so maybe making hats would be the thing for me." "Having a very flattering haircut at the moment, I would be the perfect person to work in a barber's." "I am quite slender, so dragging around heavy equipment for a camera-man may not be ideal."

7. You notice that Smart Alec is starting to tap his feet and fingers more and more and that his hand shakes quite a lot when he reaches for yet another sip of water. His voice sounds slightly higher than normal when he asks you if you have ever studied ichthyology. Whatever you say, you must answer confidently! "Nope, I hate fish!" "Why would anyone want to study worms?" "Why yes, I spent New Year in Lourdes but no miracle cure for my thick toe-nails!" "I have, and your handwriting is almost exactly the same as Hitler's!"

8. Scrabbling around for anything he can lay his perspiring hands on, Smart Alec desperately shouts out "You could be a hack! Ha ha! What do you say to that, eh?" Well, what DO you say to that? "Excuse me, my father was a dentist!" "I'm afraid my writing style is far too good to be labeled a mere 'hack'." "Mowing lawns was what I did to get pocket money. I'm after a real job!" "Well, although I love the stuff, I don't really want to brew beer. Too tempting."

9. It looks like Smart Alec is revving up for his final battle. Hold your nerve and you could come out of this unscathed. He doesn't even pretend to look through his files this time. He looks at you with wild eyes and asks if you would consider yourself a philatelist. Your answer is? "Excuse me! How rude!" "Calculus, easy. Algebra, not for me." "Why, I love the opera!" "Stamps? Boring!"

10. Smart Alec looks beaten. Maybe you can suggest something this time. "Did you know I was a champion pugilist at school?" You ask him. His eyes widen and he runs screaming from the room. What was your special talent that sent him packing? Fencing Shooting Wrestling Boxing