William McGonagall -The World's Best Bad Poet? Quiz

Answer: Topaz

McGonagall's place and date of birth are not known for certain, but Edinburgh, Scotland, in March 1825 is the generally accepted statistic. I have been unable to find any reason why 'Topaz' was selected for his middle name.
But it was in Dundee that his poetic genius truly flowered...

"Who was't that immortalised the old and the new railway bridges of the Silvery Tay?
Also the inauguration of the Hill of Balgay?
Likewise the Silvery Tay rolling on its way?
And the Newport Railway?"
- Lines in Protest to the Dundee Magistrates

Answer: Handloom Weaver

The weaving trade in Scotland at that time was seasonal and liable to periods of unemployment and the increasing proliferation of mechanised weaving mills boded ill for its future.
Perhaps that was a contributing factor in his decision to seek another source of income...

"Because God helps those that help themselves,
And those that don't try to do so are silly elves."
- The Collision in the English Channel

Answer: An Address to the Rev. George Gilfillan

Demonstrating the unique and unmistakable qualities that would establish his lasting fame, this poem was published in the "Weekly News" in Dundee.

"All hail to the Rev. George Gilfillan of Dundee,
He is the greatest preacher I did ever hear or see.
He is a man of genius bright,
And in him his congregation does delight..."

Answer: Macbeth

As might be expected of McGonagall, his first thespian outing was not without its unusual aspects... The theatre-owner refused to permit him to perform until his workmates held a collection to raise enough money to pay a sizeable deposit - and in the fight scene, McGonagall refused to 'die' until the actor playing Macduff was forced to wrestle him to the ground. Truly a fitting tribute to the one poet that McGonagall acknowledged as his equal.

"Immortal! Bard of Avon, your writings are divine,
And will live in the memories of your admirers until the end of time;
Your plays are read in family circles with wonder and delight,
While seated around the fireside on a cold winter's night..."
- An Address to Shakespeare

Answer: Alfred Austin

William Morris was offered the post, but declined. Swinburne was rejected from consideration due to 'inappropriate' personal behaviour. William Wordsworth was the Poet Laureate before Tennyson.
McGonagall's journey to Balmoral is extensively described in his rather rambling biographical writings, including a delightful description of the scenery in Glen Shee...

"As I chanced to see trouts louping in the River o' Glenshee,
It helped to fill my heart with glee,
And to anglers I would say without any doubt
There's plenty of trouts there for pulling out."

Answer: Walt Whitman

The actual published quote was; "Its construction is somewhat peculiar. It presents the appearance of having been written without a foot-rule, for the lines are very irregular. In this respect the style is somewhat Walt Whitmanesque."
And also; "To see McGonagall recite this poem is a liberal education in dramatic action. It is a performance necessitating a considerable vacant area, and precautionary measures for the safety of the furniture."
Perhaps not quite the reaction which the poet desired...

"Oh! it must have been a glorious sight
To see Sir Garnet Wolseley in the thickest of the fight!
In the midst of shot and shell, and the cannons roar,
Whilst the dead and the dying lay weltering in their gore"
- The Battle of Tel-el-Kebir

Answer: Knight of the White Elephant of Burmah

This arrived unexpectedly in the form of a long letter purporting to have been sent by order of the King of Burmah, together with a silver elephant. It has been strongly suggested that this may have been a prank perpetrated by local students - but surely no-one would try to take advantage of a poet of such genius?

"Adieu to all my enemies that want to mock me when passing by.
But I excuse them for their ignorance and leave them to the most high."
- The Farewell Address of William McGonagall at the Argyle Hall

Answer: 3 weeks

No music hall manager could be found willing to engage an unknown 'poet and tragedian' - which circumstance McGonagall ascribed to a "combination on foot against all British artists". He was also unable to sell any of the pamphlet copies of his poems as the locals objected to the Royal coat of arms on the top of the page - but the final straw for McGonagall appears to have been the lack of what he considered a proper respect for the Sabbath.

"With their songs and dancing on Sabbath night,
Which I witnessed with disgust, and fled from the sight.
And with regard to New York and the sights I did see--
Believe me, I never saw such sights in Dundee;
And the morning I sailed from the city of New York
My heart it felt as light as a cork."
- Jottings of New York

Answer: Edinburgh

South College Street still exists today, a short street beside University of Edinburgh's Old Quad, a small plaque over the entrance of No. 5 marking its most notable past resident. As most of the flats in the street have been converted into student accommodation, it may be hoped that his spirit can pass his genius on to future generations.

"And, in conclusion, I most earnestly pray,
That the people will erect a monument for him without delay,
To commemorate the good work he has done,
And his name in gold letters written thereon! "
- Death and Burial of Lord Tennyson

Answer: Peter Sellers

All these actresses have played Queen Victoria - Judi Dench in "Mrs. Brown" (1997), Miriam Margolyes in "Blackadder's Christmas Carol" (1988 TV), Patricia Routledge in Victoria Regina (1964 TV). But it was Spike Milligan's fellow Goon, Peter Sellers, who appeared as Victoria in this film.

"Long may she be spared to roam among the bonnie Highland floral,
And spend many a happy day in the palace of Balmoral."
- Attempted Assassination of the Queen