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He Shoots, He Scores! Trivia Quiz

Don't we all wish we'd said some of the most famous witty comebacks? This is a chance to explore some of the best, created by some of the best.

A multiple-choice quiz by GillianO. Estimated time: 5 mins.

Author
GillianO

Time
5 mins

Type
Multiple Choice

Quiz #
340,773

Updated
Jul 23 22

# Qns
10

Difficulty
Average

Avg Score
7 / 10

Plays
680

Awards
Top 35% Quiz

One at a Time - Single Page - Timed Game

Question 1 of 10

1. First, Winston Churchill, master of the brutal put-down.

Lady Astor said to him, "Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison."

Unabashed, he replied: Hint

"If you were my wife I would poison you."

"Let us both be glad I am not."

"If I were your husband I would take it."

"If I were your husband I would cut my throat."

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Question 2 of 10

2. Oscar Wilde was a superb language user who could usually put anyone in their place. Just occasionally, though, the boot was on the other foot. He was impressed by something said by his friend, James McNeill Whistler. He said, ""I wish I had said that"

Whistler replied: Hint

"In your dreams, sunshine."

"You did - I copied it from you."

"You will, Oscar, you will."

"No you don't. But thanks for saying it."

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Question 3 of 10

3. Let's move on to some of Oscar Wilde's own words. In "The Importance of Being Earnest" a character says "All women become like their mothers; that is their tragedy." How does he cap the line? Hint

"Why do you think married men turn to drink?"

"Old and raddled and talkative; best avoid them all."

"No man does; that is his."

"Men have to endure it; that is theirs."

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Question 4 of 10

4. It seems that Irish playwrights are particularly good at the pointed remark. Which Irish playwright wrote this, in the preface to "Pygmalion"?

"The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it." Hint

George Bernard Shaw

J M Synge

Oscar Wilde

Richard Brinsley Sheridan

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Question 5 of 10

5. This witty American created Walter Mitty, and gave some of the best advice, in my opinion, a would-be writer can have: "Don't get it right, just get it written." Who was this journalist, author of short stories and cartoonist? Hint

Charles Addams

Walter Benchley

James Thurber

Grouch Marx

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Question 6 of 10

6. Yet another witty Irish playwright! Richard Brinsley Sheridan, writer and impresario, once replied, 'A man may surely be allowed to take a glass of wine by his own fireside?' What event triggered this response? Hint

He was in a pub which was on fire

His coat, hat and wig had been set alight by street urchins

His own home was in flames

The theatre he owned was burning down

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Question 7 of 10

7. "When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him" said yet another Irish wit - not a playwright this time, but a poet, novelist and clergyman. He's most famous for a book about an adventurer who visits the lands of both giants and tiny people. Who was he? Hint

Alexander Pope

Jonathan Swift

Oscar Wilde

Bishop Ussher

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Question 8 of 10

8. Dr Johnson was another eighteenth century Englishman who was rarely at a loss. He loved London, yet went on a tour of the Hebrides and other parts of Scotland with his friend, James Boswell. He was not very impressed. Which of these cutting remarks did Boswell NOT record him as saying? Hint

"Seeing Scotland, Madam, is only seeing a worse England."

"What enemy would invade Scotland, where there is nothing to be got?"

"Scotland, Sir, would be infinitely better if there were no Scotsmen."

"The noblest prospect which a Scotchman ever sees, is the high road that leads him to England!"

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Question 9 of 10

9. Back to Churchill again. He enjoyed his brandy, did Winston, and his wine. When a lady at dinner objected, "Sir, you are drunk!", he replied, "I may be drunk ..."

How did he finish this riposte? Hint

"but at least I can hold my wine, which is more than you can."

"but I can still fight you and beat you."

"but at least I have enjoyed myself on the way."

"but you, Madam, are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober."

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Question 10 of 10

10. "He" shoots and scores? We need at least one woman to balance all this male wit. Which famous female writer, member of the Algonquin circle, said: "The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.' Hint

Dolly Parton

Lady Astor

Dorothy Parker

Katharine Hepburn

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Quiz Answer Key and Fun Facts

1. First, Winston Churchill, master of the brutal put-down. Lady Astor said to him, "Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison." Unabashed, he replied:

Answer: "If I were your husband I would take it."

Nancy, Lady Astor was the first woman to take a seat in Parliament. She and Winston did not get on!

Answer: "You will, Oscar, you will."

Whistler was the famous US-born artist who lived and worked in Britain. He and Wilde moved in the same social circles, in which wit was prized above everything.

3. Let's move on to some of Oscar Wilde's own words. In "The Importance of Being Earnest" a character says "All women become like their mothers; that is their tragedy." How does he cap the line?

Answer: "No man does; that is his."

Jack has a horrible realisation that Gwendolen might turn out to be like Lady Bracknell. Algy is not very reassuring!

4. It seems that Irish playwrights are particularly good at the pointed remark. Which Irish playwright wrote this, in the preface to "Pygmalion"? "The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it."

Answer: George Bernard Shaw

"Pygmalion" is about language, and what it can, and cannot, do for a person. In the same preface Shaw also wrote: "It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him."The two quotations are the basis of a splendid song in "My Fair Lady", the musical adaptation of the play.

Answer: James Thurber

Thurber contributed stories, cartoons and columns to the "New Yorker" magazine for several decades in the twentieth century. His character Walter Mitty lives a hen-pecked, miserable life, made bearable only by his fantasies. Thurber also considered that, "The most dangerous food is wedding cake."

Answer: The theatre he owned was burning down

Almost all Sheridan's money was invested in the Drury Lane Theatre, yet when it caught fire he was observed sitting quietly at a table in the nearby Covent Garden Piazza.

Answer: Jonathan Swift

Swift became Dean of Dublin Cathedral, but was also famous for clever, even waspish repartee and satirical writing. In his "Modest Proposal" he suggested that to deal with excess population, babies could be fattened up till the age of two, then cooked and eaten!

Answer: "Scotland, Sir, would be infinitely better if there were no Scotsmen."

Boswell adored copying out whatever the Doctor said, and his "Life of Dr Johnson" is full of biting wit. He was no supporter of women's rights either: "Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all."

9. Back to Churchill again. He enjoyed his brandy, did Winston, and his wine. When a lady at dinner objected, "Sir, you are drunk!", he replied, "I may be drunk ..." How did he finish this riposte?

Answer: "but you, Madam, are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober."

There are lots of versions of this story, and several different ladies are cited as the target of this brilliant rudeness. Bessie Braddock, Lady Astor and a "woman on the street" can all be quoted as having engaged in this exchange.

Churchill, Wilde and Shaw were all so witty that several sayings are quoted as being by each of them - perhaps a good example of everyone wishing he had said something and, in the end, getting the credit for it.

Answer: Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker was an extraordinarily talented woman, who held her own in the highly competitive group of witty men in New York publishing and journalism. One of my favourite of her wisecracks is, "I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."

Source: Author GillianO

This quiz was reviewed by FunTrivia editor bloomsby before going online.
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