Interesting Questions, Facts, and Information
Bottom: Series 2
Fish Poo. Eddie: "It's fish poo, Your Dukeness. It comes out of a very expensive...fishes... bottom." Richie: "[spitting it out] God, I knew the aristocracy were deprave but I didn't think things had got this far! What's for dessert - peacock's vomit?"
Umbrella. Eddie: "Would madam care for a hors-d'oeuvre?" Richie: "Eddie! Don't be so foul! Get back to your kitchen!"
Eddie's face. Richie: "Well come on, get on with it. Look, you haven't even mashed the potatoes. Where is the potato-masher?" Eddie: "Well, Harry "I'll do anything for half a pint" Grundy's still got it." Richie: "Has he, has he still got it?" Eddie: "Yeah, they couldn't get it out of him at the hospital, remember?"
Tizer. Richie: "Oh God, she's here! Hoh, oh oh oh oh, oh God I'm shaking like a leaf! Eddie, I need a stiff one!" Eddie: "There'll be plenty of time for that later. Do you want me to answer the door?" Richie: "No no, I mean a drink you fool!"
Harry Belefonte. Richie: "Wait a minute, you were in love with Harry Belefonte?" Eddie: "Well that's what she said her name was. Well, she sort of shouted it over her shoulder as she ran away into the night." Richie: "Oh look, let's just forget it shall we?" Eddie: "That's what she said!" Richie: "Look, let's just drop it." Eddie: "She said that as well!" Richie: "Edward Hitler, I'm really not interested!" Eddie: "This is uncanny! Were you there?"
Jives. Richie: "Right. And when she arrives you've got to take her coat, curtsey, and say "Charming evening, Ma-a-am" Eddie: "Why have I got to say Ma-a-a-am?" Richie: "Look Eddie, it's just a speech impediment that all butlers have."
Kidderminster. Richie: "He-l-o-o-o-oh. Hel-l-lo. Ah... eh, lovely weather...er... I, I can't see you, obviously, but I bet you've all got smashing blouses on. Er... um... my name's Richard, and, ah - ah-heeh - I'm looking for a, a friend. Eh - well, a lover really. But failing that a quick wriggle would do! Oh, and by the way, I am the Duke of Kiddiminster and extremely rich!"
Kim Basinger. Lily: "Now, what sort of woman are you looking for?" Eddie: "Erm, Kim Basinger." Lily: "A woman like Kim Basinger." Eddie: "No, Kim Basinger. The real one." Lily: "I'm afraid she's not on our books." Eddie: "Well it's not much of a love booreau, is it?"
Lily Linneker's Love Bureau. Lily: "Right. Gentlemen, I think we'll start with a little look at your videos, all right? Now, eh, can you see all right?" Eddie: "Erm... no, that's why I wear glasses."
1. Eddie's move of King's prawn to King's prawn four is the only legal move that is actually made. Richie did a bizarre and childish fight scene involving a tomato shaped ketchup bottle, a plastic skeleton and a sausage, whilst on Eddie's second move he seemed to be playing something resembling draughts.
Jam. As they didn't have any Vodka or Martini they used Pernod, Ouzo, Marmalade and a bit of salt around the rim.
A bottle of brown sauce. Richie's side of the chessboard is populated with a wild assortment of
objects: a plastic skeleton, a tomato-shaped sauce bottle, a sausage, a cactus wearing a crown, the brown sauce, a Cluedo piece, a bottle of food colouring, a plastic Spiderman. A row of frozen prawns serve as pawns for each player. Eddie completes his pieces with a mouldy pear and an apple pierced by a nail.
Noel Wilde. Again, I think Richie was a bit confused. I guess he meant Noel Coward. And according to Eddie looked like "a sad git with his raincoat on inside out".
The Chelsea boot. Richie: "Eddie! Where have all the pieces gone?" Eddie: "[clears his throat theatrically] Pardon?" Richie: "This is ridiculous! There's only five pieces left!" Eddie: "Well, are you sure Wellington put them all back when he'd finished?" Richie: "Well of course he did, he wasn't a stupid man, he invented the Chelsea boot."
Magic Beans. Richie: "Oh yes. And here... is the magic beanstalk. [holds up an empty flower-pot] Well I'm glad I've got a head for heights because it's a whopper, isn't it? We shall be needing oxygen masks before we get to the top of that one, won't we, Sir Edmund?"
Ironmonger. They were slightly confused with how to do a crossword. They thought if they could think of another word that means Ironmonger that it would be cheating.
Sue Carpenter. This was a very painfull looking trap the burglars had set for them.
Rozzers. His excuse for using these terms was that he was sleep slanging. He didn't get away with it though, as he was promptly whacked with a truncheon.
Colouring-In room. Eddie had never heard the Lounge being called the Drawing Room before. He then believed that it was a room just for drawing in.
Dirty Eddie. Eddie: "by the way, I don't want to called Eddie any more, okay? I want to be called Dirty Eddie. Okay? So out of the way, punk, while I shoot off the lock!"
Lemsip. Richie: "Eddie, these are hard men. They've been snowballing heroin all night! I don't think a hot lemony drink's gonna assuage their depraved cravings!"
Lounge. Eddie: "I don't think I've been in there. What, you mean we've got a room just for drawing in?"
Once. The trouble is it has lasted 17 years so far!
He had been to the pub. He was supposed to go to Neptune's pantry to get two fish suppers (with £1.75) instead he got drunk at the Lamb and Flag on the Old Spice that he had bought from the chemists for 25p a bottle.
Around his ankle. Eddie looks on one wrist, then the other. No watch. He shrugs his
shoulders and then remembers something important...Oh!...He pulls up his trouser leg, revealing his watch strapped around his ankle.
Mrs Potato. Mrs. Potato: "Get on with it, you filthy scum. Why don't you get a real job?"
500. Eddie: "Well listen Ted. I've still got a photograph of you, a Chippendale, and an industrial size drum of Swarfega."
Broker: "Have you?"
Broker: "Then I'll give you five hundred pound for the leg."
Chepstow. Eddie: "Five hundred quid, on the nose, on Sad Ken if you please."
Bookie: "Certainly. Would you like to pay tax?"
Eddie: "Well of course I wouldn't. What a ridiculous question!"
sad ken. Larry: "He's a hundred to one, but he's bound to come in. Only, you see, it's a bit of a secret. Only us bookies know about it so, don't tell anyone." [Larry looks around to see the rest of the pub behind him listening.]
10 years. Richie: "Ten years I was fighting in the Falklands, ten long years! We didn't have any toilets. We didn't have any telly. We didn't have any buses, we had to carry everything. Tents, equipment, ammo... whatever that is... Souvenirs... Shopping... Yeah, shopping. shopping. I liberated Port Stanley Tescos you know."
Harrison's Point. Veteran: "I took Harrison's Point single-handed."
Richie: "Oooh. That can be nasty. I shut Tucker's finger in the tank door, didn't I Eddie?"