Special Sub-Topic: B.S. Johnson Click Here To Play: B.S. Johnson

What does the B.S. really stand for anyway? (Careful now!)

Bergholt Stuttley. Just as "Capability" Brown (the Roundworld landscape gardener) was christened Lancelot, in "Hogfather" and "Carpe Jugulem" we learn that BS Johnson's actual name was Bergholt Stuttley Johnson - although he was of course universally known as "Bloody Stupid" Johnson.

What was BS Johnson's "Improved Manicure Device" actually used for?

Peeling potatoes. Ridcully felt that Johnson was much maligned and pointed out how useful the "thing they use down in the kitchens for peelin' the potatoes" was. The Lecturer in Recent Runes pointed out that it had a brass plate on it saying "Improved Manicure Device". - "Hogfather"

Why did BS Johnson have 2,000 tons of earth built into an artificial hillock in front of Quirm Manor?

To block the view of the mountains. He built it because "It'd drive me mad to have to look at a bunch of trees and mountains all day long". - "Men at Arms"

BS Johnson designed an ornamental cruet set for Mad Lord Snapcase. Unfortunately, due to a lack of measurements, it was unsuitable for its intended purpose. What was the Salt Shaker actually used for?

Apartment building. As Corporal Carrot pointed out to Angua: "Four families live in a salt shaker". - "Men at Arms"

In Maskerade, the Librarian rescored Doinov's romantic Prelude in G to take full advantage of the Unseen University's BS Johnson Organ. What special acoustic effects did he use?

Whoopee Cushion and Squashed Rabbits. The Librarian's lunchtime recitals in the Great Hall of Unseen University were extremely popular, especially since the University's organ had every single sound-effect that BS Johnson's inverted genius had been able to contrive. - "Maskerade"

If you wanted a small ground-to-air missile, what would you ask Johnson to design?

Ornamental Fountain. Everything he built worked, but it was usually a very good idea to find someone else to try it out first. (By the way - the Crazy Paving committed suicide) - "Hogfather"

Which feature of Johnson's Patent 'Typhoon' Superior Indoor Ablutorium with Automatic Soap Dish, finally caused Archchancellor Ridcully to nail up the door to the bathroom?

Organ Interlock. Old Faithful merely made him unsteady on his feet. He engaged the "Organ Interlock" just as the Librarian was reaching the finale of Bubble's Catastrophe Suite - with the added thrust of the afterburner and nitrous oxide. Although Wizards seldom pay any attention to warnings and closed doors are merely an encouragement, Ridcully had the bathroom nailed shut again and a sign placed on the door: "Not to be used in any circumstances. This is IMPORTANT." - "Hogfather"

Where would you look to find the famous BS Johnson architectural monument: The Ank Morpork Triumphal Arch?

Mr. Scant's pocket. Mr Scant holds the post of Official Keeper of the Monuments, for which he receives, according to ancient tradition, one dollar a year and a new vest every Hogswatchday. Given the absence of measurements for which BS Johnson was notorious, they often get lost in his pockets. - "Men at Arms"

In which BS Johnson construction was the Pointless Albatross housed when it visited the Patrician?

Beehive. In the absence of "bees ten feet long" the Patrician found other uses. - "Interesting Times"

How did BS Johnson meet his untimely end?

He was shot by Lord Ramkin. Like a library, a ghastly landscaping mistake by BS Johnson was something a noble house had to have, "don'tcherknow," but Lady Sybil's grandfather shot him before he could do any real damage. - "Jingo"