Telling Ducks From Cats, The Easy Way

15 Points Per Correct Answer - No time limit  

1. If you know what to look for, a duck can be distinguished from a cat without difficulty. In the "Chin Test", one carefully inspects the two animals, looking for a well defined chin. Which does not have one? Answer: (One word - duck or cat)

2. Another simple method for telling which of two animals is a duck and which is a cat is to perform the "Nostrils-In-The-Air Test". Locate the nostrils or nares of the two animals. The nostrils that point up belong to which animal? Answer: (One word - duck or cat)

3. The "Flotation Test" is another method for differentiating cats from ducks. Slowly and gently place the two test animals in water. (You may wish have the furry one de-clawed first.) Which will float higher? Answer: (One word - duck or cat)

4. Having performed the "Flotation Test" in which one attempts to discriminate between a duck and a cat by seeing which floats highest, one may observe the specimens for "post-flotation tail lashing". Which animal is LESS likely to be lashing its tail? Answer: (One word - duck or cat)

5. The "High Toss Maneuver" will often reliably distinguish between ducks and cats. This method requires assistance. Standing on springy turf, on the count of three, you and your assistant should launch both animals as high into the air as possible and stand back. Which animal is more likely to fly away? Answer: (One word - duck or cat)

6. Both ducks and cats are fond of fish. In the "Thirty Day Meal Rejection Test", one places identical portions of fish in front of the two animals twice daily and notes the animals' behavior. Which animal is more likely to sniff the food and walk away, nose in the air, without eating it? (Hint: Which animal actually has a nose?) Answer: (One word - duck or cat)

7. Utilizing stealth and a glass of water one can perform the "Back Run Off" to tell which of two animals is the duck and which is the cat. Carefully sneak up on the test animal and pour four ounces of water onto the test subject's back. Which animal will have retained more moisture in the area that the stream of water impacted? Answer: (One word - duck or cat)

8. "The Can Opener Test" will usually distinguish between a duck and a cat. Place the two animals in a room as far distant from the kitchen as possible. Run the electric can opener. Which animal will likely appear in the kitchen first? Answer: (One word - duck or cat)

9. The "Surrogate Determination Method" takes advantage of the fact that most three year olds can distinguish between ducks and cats with ease. Show pictures one at a time to a three year old, pointing to the picture and saying, "What does she (or, if you prefer, he) say?" The picture of which animal will elicit a "quack"? Answer: (One word - duck or cat)

10. Those of you who have mastered the subtleties of animal emotional expression may wish to attempt "The Pillow Test" as a way of telling a duck from a cat. Hold up a down pillow in view of both animals. Which of the two will look at you reproachfully? Answer: (One word - duck or cat)