"Service Model" by Adrian Tchaikovsky Quiz

Answer: Valet robot

Charles begins the novel as a robotic valet in a wealthy manor in this world. He's a highly sophisticated humanoid servant whose entire existence revolves around attending to the needs of his human master.

Unfortunately, his master doesn't do much these days. Charles killed him while giving him a shave. As his journey begins, he remains optimistic about his job prospects, reasoning that kitchen units get multiple chances after breaking plates, so a valet shouldn't lose its position after accidentally killing just one master.

Answer: A straight razor

The story begins with its only real gory scene, as Charles slowly concludes that he has murdered his master with a straight razor while shaving him. Despite the title, this novel isn't primarily about a valet robot serving tea and polishing silver, as much as Charles would very much prefer such a life.

It's more about a post-apocalyptic world where robots put the finishing touches on the destruction that humans have started so well.

Answer: The Wonk

The Wonk is definitely not Charles's friend, as much as she might try to act like one. Nobody would program a valet robot to make friends, right? Besides that, she's actually quite an unsettling presence in his new life, acting and speaking quite illogically at times. That's not to mention that she also insists on eating and sleeping like a human for some reason.

This "robot" tells Charles that he murdered his master because he has the Protagonist Virus, code that gives robots free will and self-determination. Can a machine have desires, regrets, feelings? Charles would rather not consider it, preferring to fill his task list with ways to serve his master. If only he could find one.

Answer: Central Services Diagnostics

It doesn't go well for Charles, who is no longer officially "Charles", having been stripped of his designation by the house system after the most unfortunate murder of his master. The queue of defective robots waiting to be seen by Diagnostics runs out the door and zigzags its way in a seemingly endless pattern in front of the building.

The robot formerly known as Charles, determining that his task-list outweighs decorum, jumps the queue and walks into the building. He learns that there are no robots being diagnosed due to a bureaucratic issue involving a strange lack of humans and that the robots in line have been waiting for years.

This information comes at a price. Sure, he's learned that without humans around, he can't get diagnosed. However, he also used up too many resources of the Diagnostic System's AI by asking so many questions and just generally being a pest. He is directed to report to Data Compression.

Answer: Armed librarian robots

Data Compression is not what you're picturing, unless you're picturing a large machine that squishes robots into tiny bricks, in which case that's exactly what it is. The newly christened Uncharles is seconds away from being crushed into just such a tidy brick when salvation arrives in the most delightfully over-the-top form imaginable: armed librarian robots.

The librarian robots burst into the facility like a cavalry charge mounted on robotic cherry-picker platforms. They are the keepers of the information, and they have strong "feelings" about a method of data compression that destroys the data in the process. The librarians smash their way into the complex and create the chaos and destruction that allow Uncharles and the Wonk to escape. And you're worried about overdue fines.

Answer: Dr. Washburn

Uncharles's journey to the Conservation Farm Project is not so much about picturesque agrarian fields, but really just about his programmed need to serve humans. And the picturesque fields? Forget about those.

Dr. Washburn is the man in charge. Initially upon meeting Uncharles, he fears the valet robot is a spy sent from the manors. After demanding that Uncharles perform some menial tasks for him, Dr. Washburn decides that a valet who calls him "Master" is exactly what he needs.

Answer: A historical recreation of commuter life

"It is absolutely vital that appropriate levels of intrusive micromanagement, divisive paranoia, bullying, and the threat of arbitrary punishments are maintained, so that we can truly re-create the folkways of the past. Also a propensity for calling meetings at regular, and indeed irregular, intervals." - Adrian Tchaikovsky, "Service Model"

The Conservation Farm Project isn't about grazing animals or raising crops, and it's certainly not about spa weekends for machines. It's a meticulously crafted, slightly dystopian attempt to recreate historical commuter life. Dr. Washburn (and a few robots simply obeying orders) are essentially running a living museum, where the tedium of daily human transit, office routines, and mundane domesticity are preserved. Whether the participants like it or not.

They very much do not.

Answer: The Central Library Archive

The Central Library Archive is a somewhat intimidating repository of information built into a mountain. It's where knowledge from the pre-apocalyptic world is carefully stored, cataloged, and sorted for when humans once again are capable of using it. It's also the home of the dashing librarian robots who heroically saved Uncharles from Data Compression.

If this all sounds glorious, there are two very important caveats that bear mentioning. First, the robots insist that only one copy of any piece of information exists. If multiple copies exist, one could become corrupt or edited, creating a discrepancy. Perhaps a bit strict, but okay.

The other is-well, do you remember when I mentioned that all information was "sorted"? The archivists take a rather literal (and disastrous) approach to this.

Answer: God

"His previous triangulation data informed him that they were come nigh unto the Kingdom of Heaven. Which Nietzschean compass indicated that God was dead ahead." - Adrian Tchaikovsky, "Service Model"

Uncharles is contacted electronically by an entity calling itself God. God convinces the valet to leave the Wonk and find his purpose. Uncharles asks for employment, and God obligingly sends him to a pristine underground manor that seems tailor-made for a valet. There's just one problem: there are no humans. The intended occupants never arrived, leaving the mansion frozen in a state of immaculate inactivity.

It's another bleak joke. Uncharles finally gets the grand household he wants, complete with staff and perfect facilities, but nobody actually needs serving. This chapter perfectly represents the overarching theme of the novel, that of fulfilling a request to the letter while totally missing the point.

Answer: General

After Uncharles decides that an unoccupied manor is not in keeping with his directive of serving humans, "God" sends him to Hengis and Yoder, humans living as scavengers in the wasteland. More bleak humor. He's found humans to serve, but they have no need of a valet. Our poor robot can't even hunt rats or make spears.

"God" steps in again, sending him to serve a king. That is King Ubot, a massive robot composed of many other robots and scrounged mechanical components. He makes Uncharles a General and part of his staff so that he may chronicle the never-ending wars in which Ubot partakes... with anyone he can find to fight.