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Subject: We are many

Posted by: Jazmee27
Date: Jun 20 20

Hey. We have DID, which stands4Dissociative Identity Disorder. our system name is now the sanctuary hope system. &we have a cluster group (mostly comprising infants&toddlers--an army of them) named Legion (a small portion of the group splintered off2become Rogue Legion... these are folks stuck in destructive ways&past beliefs detrimental2the whole. some people might consider how we live our lives2b detrimental, since we dont attend therapy or take medication (there is no treatment4DID, only the symptoms of comorbid disorders).

DID used2b called MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder); that's outdated, since DID isnt a personality disorder. &we dont care4the term alters, since we see ourselves as people (some systems say parts, &that's fine&good4them; however we prefer folks or Legion.

Hikarumichi is leader of sanctuary hope system, &Osanu is leader of Legion. if we sign a name at the bottom of the post, it indicates who wrote the post. if someone wants2call attention2a specific person in this head, simply write the name of that person. otherwise, whoever fronts next will try2answer any questions yu might have, or continue whatever convo was already started, etc.

sometimes, we get passionate about things, or carried away with emotion. we'r trying2do better, since this has cost us 2friendships with fellow DID/DDNOS systems.

- Legion
191 replies. On page 7 of 10 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
MiraJane star


player avatar 		Zarvon, thank you for feeling comfortable enough to introduce yourself. I'm glad you did.

When my tortoiseshell cat Princess doesn't like the food I've given her she will eat a little bit first. Then she comes to find me. She will get my attention first. Then she walks about ten feet away and throws up up the two or three bites she had. She then gives me that withering look cats are so good at giving and turns her back on me and wrinkles her fur. That is a fussy cat.

Quentin will eat anything I give him. If some of the dry food gets spilled on the floor, he will eat it off the floor first so I don't have to clean it up. He is not a fussy eater. That day we were both so sick Quentin kept throwing up. He would eat some food and throw up everything he ate about ten minutes later. He would drink water and throw that up too. He quit trying to eat or drink water and was throwing up bile. My poor boy. He looked so miserable. Even his fur was ruffled and not looking right.

Princess had a concerned but confused look on her face. She usually looks confused when Quentin isn't available to be her slave. She did go over and give his head a wash. That's their thing, they spend hours washing each others face, head, and neck every day. Princess even came over to lay down on my pillow and purred loudly to cheer me up.

On to bird talk! Yes, blue jays can be very aggressive and mean. I used to have a big fir tree by my front window. Squirrels would nest in it. I had two bird feeders in the tree for free kitty TV. One winter me & the cats were watching the squirrels at the feeder. It had snowed heavily a few days before so the branches were bent done and formed a small, safe cave for the squirrels. But not safe enough! I saw a blue jay dive bomb through the branches and attack the squirrels to get at the feeder. Soon all the squirrels were gone and a horde of blue jays were eating bird seed.

Reply #121. Sep 24 20, 12:11 PM
Jazmee27
Zarvon: you're very welcome, MiraJane :-)

That Princess sounds like a piece of work. Wow, your cats are definetly very different creatures. Poor Quentin :-( Hope that doesn't happen again. aw :-) that's so cute, how Princess did that.

I hear squirrels can be rather destructive, too. The body's mother, before she moved into her current house, had a lot of squirrels. They chattered all the time and chased her away from certain spots (or tried to). I think we heard once a story about a squirrel in someone's attic. Not sure if we ever learnexd what happened there. Was a while ago, I believe, and I wasn't here... I seem to have a lot of memories that aren't mine. Not sure any of my memories are mine, actually. I suppose we're trying to build personal memories... hard when they just drift away like water. Ah well.

Poor squirrels :-( I realize the blue jauys gotta eat, but do they have to be the "playground bullies"?

Reply #122. Sep 25 20, 10:31 AM

Jazmee27
September Reading

We got more reading material the other week. Among the Braille magazines were several issues of ‘Stone Soupp,’ the periodical with writing by and for young people. Stories include:

1. A Birthday Surprise by Bo-Violet Vig
2. Three poems by Sabrina Guo
3. Elana by Hannah Nami Gajcowski (part one)
4. Three poems by Isabel Goodey
5. Whales and cormorants by Leon Antonov
6. One hop at a time by Sara Heller
7. Why are friends like that? By Lydia Iliff
8. I am me by Lilly-June Gordon
9. Real-life checkmate by Harper Fortgang
10. Elana by Hannah Nami Gajcowski (part two)
11. To those in a cage by Naomi Angel Farkas
12. Finding home by Lena Donofrio
13. My journey in the curtain by Anya Geist
14. Three poems by Juliet Del Fabro
15. Elana by Hannah Nami Gajcowski (part three)
16. The asteroid attack by Julia Hershon
17. Mountain by Zeke Braman
18. The crow by Aiah Morris
19. Slaying monsters by Liam Hancock
20. In my liquid tourmaline by Lauren Giglia
21. William’s Journal by Eli Spaulding

Reply #123. Sep 25 20, 10:32 AM

Jazmee27
Life with D.I.D.

*We sit down and get frustrated when we notice the wheeled walker isn't right next to the desk where it should be, but more to the left, so we strain our arm reaching for it*

Me: *calm, "deadly" tone): move it again, and see what happens.

Voice: Uh oh... he's gone into elf mode.

We crack up, cause that sounds ridicdulous. And between giggles we keep repeating\

What does that even mean, "elf mode"?

OK, if we're to hazard a guess, it would be this...

"Elf mode" is an allusion to the trilogy we listened to about elves and other races, suggesting that elves are super serious creatures without a sense of humor, who cannot even tell when another creature has a sense of humor. They are also obsessed with politics, control, or both. Stereotypical BS.

We suppose it is also a reference to who we were when we still thought wars were OK (did we ever truly believe that? We doubt it. We had an unmet need, and latched onto the nearest excuese we thought could meet it).

M. stopped by to fill Tobi Parakeet's water dish (he likes to stick hiss face in it--and that's one of the two things he was banging--we accidently said food dish). She told us, and this made our day, she won't be coming over this weekend... we have an appointment and cleaning day scheduled Monday (doesn't that sound fun? OK, *that* is dry and serious like the stereotypes say elves are). Until then, the time is ours to do with as we wished (she put away dishes cleaning lady washed yesterday--she stacked them so high we couldn't put anything away without knocking everything down).

~ Zarvon

Reply #124. Sep 25 20, 4:49 PM

Jazmee27
We have sarcasm down to an art form here... particularly ojn days like today, when we eat lunch at 3:30 in the afternoon (hamburger macaroni), then walk around saying stuff like, "I think I'm me. Who the hell is "me," anyhow?" Today is just loads of fun."

That prompted by the fact that we were in this morning and played 50/50 (and made a rather silly mistake on one question), then promptly *forgot* what we were doing.

Someone was, I think, reading quotes... but who was it? "The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing." O. my. freaking. cardboard box.

| the varied legions (this is how we sign when we have no idea who it is typing)

Reply #125. Sep 26 20, 1:31 PM

Jazmee27
From today's jonal (journaling doesn't really help...)
======================================
Osanu’s really struggling. He’s had flashbacks (past life) of his half brothers (under their father’s orders0) beating him senseless, then stripping him and leaving him outside to freeze to death. Philippe later dragged his “errant boy” back inside, but not to tend to his health… rather, he watched the ten-year-old Osanu, Adelard back then, suffer frostbite/hypothermia. He watched his son’s skin wither and die… and did nothing, finally chopping off body parts (after using a hammer and nails on some areas). Horrors like this just should never happen (and it is understandable Osanu wants nothing to do with his father now).

It came out (during a bitter exchange) that Philippe “lost” a child when Osanu was between 3 and 4 years old. However he tried to forget, it didn’t work… and he savagely attacked qand killed Liliana in front of him (“to teach him a lesson? Who does that?” was how she later put it). Our only guess? The death of Osanu’s bio brother triggered memories of the loss of Philippe’s father, and maybe he never talked about it… certainly, he didn’t cdope at all with it. Who knows why he waited as long as he did to explode. We know it haunts Philippe that he acted so savagely. We fear it may not be possible to salvage that relationship or begin it anew, though we hope we are wrong. Certainly, so long as Osanu continues having flashbacks of all that, it cannot).

We don’t know how to help either of them, especially since we keep switching like there’s no tomorrow, so we don’t even know who is who.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++
*sigh* that entry is one of the reasons we usually don't bother writing in the journal.

we're a bunch of "pessimists" according to the world... so...

| the varied legions

Reply #126. Sep 26 20, 6:04 PM

Jazmee27
anxiety rising again :-(

Reply #127. Sep 26 20, 6:05 PM

Jazmee27
Cleaning this afternoon with M (the mother), who has a week off work.
Doctor appointment this evening.

Reply #128. Sep 28 20, 7:04 AM

Jazmee27
It should be noted that when date what we wrote, it's the date we posted it on Facebook

September 25:

=====================
A Monarch’s Way Through

Well done, Monarch. The path is strewn with obstacles, and humans who don’t care about your struggle. Just ignore all that, and stay focused on the road ahead. One step, then another. Such a shame… that you had to sacrifice your wing to reach your goal. Also, horrible about those who came before you not making it. That oriole’s a big meanie. You surpassed every roadblock thus far, and I’m so proud of you. Keep up the great job.

-- Inspired by a children’s story of the same name.

Reply #129. Sep 28 20, 7:08 AM

Jazmee27
9/25
=====================
A thunderstorm in Santa Monica

Waiting
For the rain,
For the plane,
For any change:
Always waiting for something.

Businessman waits,
Alone,
Silent,
Wondering if
Calling Nick
Was a mistake:
But something must be done so time goes faster.

--Inspired by a short story of the same name

Reply #130. Sep 28 20, 7:10 AM

Jazmee27
9/25
=========================================================
Awkward Hero

“Michael Soderholm,” huh? Well, I know anonymity is part of the job, something you need. However, you did a good thing, saving Timothy from a watery grave. It’s awkward being the center of attention when you don’t want to be, isn’t it? Then again, who would suspect someone who saved a preteen’s life of any malevolent intentions? It’s a balancing act, isn’t it? One could wish you’d chosen a different profession. Still… Well, you’re the best kind of actor, aren’t you? Is there anything like a human being underneath all that pretense and superficial charm? Why did it have to be you who noticed the kid needed help? Why did everyone else have to be wasted or otherwise preoccupied? Did alcohol screw them over that much all they could think to do was talk while he went under? Was there another, more sinister, reason behind it? Pardon the suspicious fool over here. Just seems to me you got yourself a sticky little situation. Rule 1 of the game—don’t get close to the target—broken because you rescued his grandson. He is no longer “a target” and inhuman. Naturally, he had to invite you to dinner out of gratitude for your heroic deed. How are you going to extricate yourself from this mess? He offered you a job. Are you going to go home and let someone else finish the job you bungled? Pretend you ddidn’t screw up, don’t have a heart in your chest, that everything’s the way it should be?

--Inspired by a short story entitled “In the Hot Seat”

Reply #131. Sep 28 20, 7:14 AM

Jazmee27
9/25
==================================================================
Bad Technology

I yell at technology
When it gets to be
Too frustrating
To remain silent,
When I cannot ignore
Petty annoyances,
When appliances and computers
Step out of line
On top of other
Silly things;
Like when it freezes
Or does something other
Than what I want:
I cannot help it…
For such frustration
Needs release
Or it builds
Into a volcano.

Reply #132. Sep 28 20, 7:15 AM

Jazmee27
10/15/2019
======================================================================================
Best friends

Grew up together,

Shared memories;

War tore them apart:

Now one can’t cope.

He gets drunk nights,

Days;

He cares not:

All he sees

Is his fallen friend.

“It’s all my fault

For not fighting myself,

I cannot live

Without my friend;”

He hurts himself:

Feels not that injury

Until the room spins

And he is gone.

~Inspired by online reading

Reply #133. Sep 28 20, 7:17 AM

Jazmee27
Another oe from October 15 of last year:
=======================================================
Bullies have no friends. Did you know that?

They think they do, but truth is:

People fear bullies. Which is different than befriending someone.

If you want friends, then quit acting so mean. Figure out why you behave like that, because bullying is a one-way trip to a very lonely existence.

----Inspired by something I read

Reply #134. Sep 28 20, 7:19 AM

Jazmee27
And yet another Oct 15:
===========================================================
Cruel older brother

I know he can be annoying, but being mean to your little brother because you have to babysit isn’t nice. He’s at that age where he accepts anything you say solely on the basis that yur his brother. Poor little guy… to have a half sibling who detests his very being.

~~~Inspired by something I read

Reply #135. Sep 28 20, 7:21 AM

Jazmee27
Oct 19 again...
===========================================================
Cute poodle,

Prancing around;

Snapping and playing.

Pranking like he used to

In another form,

Yet far cuter than ever doing so;

Woman tries to help

And finds herself…

Nursing a sore thumb.

---Inspired by something I read

Reply #136. Sep 28 20, 7:22 AM

Jazmee27
10/15/19
======================================
Darkness all around
People safe inside
But not the neighbor's cat.

Reply #137. Sep 28 20, 7:24 AM

Jazmee27
10/15/19
======================================================
Disgusting Excuse

You should be ashamed, sir. Your wife is not your servant. Marriage is supposed to make both parties happy, not be the means by which you get revenge on your rival. And, when you turn out to be unsuccessful at killing him that night, you decide to finish the job—in front of her, no less? No wonder she ran away with him. You’re just a disgusting excuse for a man.

--Inspired by something I read.

Reply #138. Sep 28 20, 7:26 AM

Jazmee27
9/25/20
========
Do not Invert

Step away from the well. Inverting the well will not result in the well being “fixed.” You cannot fix this. Try, and you will unleash the very thing you are trying to prevent—with even more dreadful consequences than you imagined. Your manticore friends will then assume that inverting wells causes madness and destruction… a misconception that will follow them to the Imperial City. They do not know what you now know. I am sorry… however, the damage has already been done. Your dwarven “friend” betrayed you all.

~~Inspired by Blood of the Emperor

Reply #139. Sep 28 20, 7:27 AM

Jazmee27
Another one from 9/25
=================================================
Edit: Chocolate Lemon is pronounced Choco-laht Leh-mon

Land of the giants

You bicker, you quarrel, you lost your home;
Chocolate Lemon, once great, belongs to zombie invaders:
Lush island scenery distorted, ruined, befouled.

Inspired by a short story of the same name

Reply #140. Sep 28 20, 7:29 AM

191 replies. On page 7 of 10 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
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