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Subject: We are many

Posted by: Jazmee27
Date: Jun 20 20

Hey. We have DID, which stands4Dissociative Identity Disorder. our system name is now the sanctuary hope system. &we have a cluster group (mostly comprising infants&toddlers--an army of them) named Legion (a small portion of the group splintered off2become Rogue Legion... these are folks stuck in destructive ways&past beliefs detrimental2the whole. some people might consider how we live our lives2b detrimental, since we dont attend therapy or take medication (there is no treatment4DID, only the symptoms of comorbid disorders).

DID used2b called MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder); that's outdated, since DID isnt a personality disorder. &we dont care4the term alters, since we see ourselves as people (some systems say parts, &that's fine&good4them; however we prefer folks or Legion.

Hikarumichi is leader of sanctuary hope system, &Osanu is leader of Legion. if we sign a name at the bottom of the post, it indicates who wrote the post. if someone wants2call attention2a specific person in this head, simply write the name of that person. otherwise, whoever fronts next will try2answer any questions yu might have, or continue whatever convo was already started, etc.

sometimes, we get passionate about things, or carried away with emotion. we'r trying2do better, since this has cost us 2friendships with fellow DID/DDNOS systems.

- Legion

191 replies. On page 2 of 10 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Jazmee27
body's mother coming Sunday2give us extra masks

tomorrow she havin company over2do some grillin

Rogue Legion break away from Legion a while ago, &they keep insistin on creatin head wars&hostage situations. they have our leader right now. they hurting him... we real upset. cant stop them, cos then they start grabbin littles. cant ignore them or they do mor stuf4atention. cant reason with 'em. "locking them up" just creates resentment, even doin somethin as simple as puttin them in DNA bubble.

they usin Chad as a puppet&forcin him2do stuf he doesnt want2do, tellin him his feelins dont mater.

some of us did join Legion from Rogue Legion, though: Thanados, Chad&his protector Draco, Salazar&Roman

there never a dull moment around here

breakfast was baked oatmeal. we think raspberry... it real good, even if we didnt have milk4it. we had it in the freezer, &have other stuff in the freezer we gotta eat up so we can get groceries delivered Wednesday. we lookin 4ward2that.

Reply #21. Jul 03 20, 12:02 PM

Jazmee27
we're just a bit disturbed, becus Covid-19 is still spiking. Pennsylvania new cases, 637; of those, 26 are in Lancaster County, 14 in Lebanon County&441 in Dauphin County.

we just heard on the news that there's a gathering somewhere (missed the place) with somewhere around 200 or more people. last time we checked, it still isnt safe4gatherings of that size.

heard this on the news: "MANY PUBLIC FIREWORKS DISPLAYS HAVE BEEN CANCELLED DUE TO Covid-19, so many people are doing their own." Colmans Park (Lebanon County)&New Holland (Lancaster County) are still doing theirs tomorrow, though.

~Thanados

Reply #22. Jul 03 20, 4:19 PM

Jazmee27
just read that social distancing was relaxed... Trump was at Mount Rushmore4the Fourth of July with crowds that werent required2practice distancing

this sort of thing is why our mind is disturbed...

as more people test positive4Covid-19 (MLB tested the whole team, &at least7tested positive.

people r actin like this health threat isnt real

Trump's oldest son's girlfriend tested positive

in other news, we trying2figure out how2rescue our leader innerworld without tipping off Rogue Legion

it real bad situation... going all the way back

whenever outer world is in turmoil, there chaos innerworld as well

we not even sure why we bother2update this... since it not like anyone cares2read this (it's how we feel, not saying it actually true)

Reply #23. Jul 04 20, 5:05 AM

Jazmee27
there's a small gathering being held30-45mins away

just a few body relatives grilling&having fun while maintaining social distancing

we were told, "I would have invited you, but I don't know how that would work without touching you."

we dont know either

Reply #24. Jul 04 20, 8:19 AM

terraorca star


player avatar
I read.

Reply #25. Jul 04 20, 2:38 PM
Jazmee27
hi terraorca

hope you OK

buddy bird chirpin&bein cute

aw, he just squeaked

bad bird behavior though was banging at his cage door (he can actually lift it slightly with his beak; the way the bars are designed, he not able2open it himself... dont mean he not try)

heard on the news that there chance of thunderstorms through 10PM but otherwise stay hot&dry (3rd day in a row of 90-degree weather, so officially a heat wave... yesterday, heat index was in tripple digits)

Reply #26. Jul 04 20, 5:28 PM

MiraJane star


player avatar
I still read.

Social distancing has not been relaxed. Medical professionals still recommended that people wear masks and social distance. Some people have decided they don't want to do either.

Reply #27. Jul 05 20, 12:25 AM
Jazmee27
yeah, MiraJane, that['s what we hear.

it's mandatory in Pennsylvania that you have2wear a mask in public... though it isnt enforced.

it shouldnt have2b either. it should just b... you know... common courtesy.

People are acting very selfish (not all, just... the ones exacerbating this health crisis).

we call2order groceries tomorrow&Tuesday. been so long we not know what2expect... life on hold virus changin everything.

visitor comin2give us more masks&pocket hand sanitizer. we need2b dressed&ready by no later than noon coz her boyfriend comin4bike ride this afternoon.

she. just had an asthma attack over the phone.

she called2ask if we like deviled eggs, coz she couldnt remember.

~Alyn

Reply #28. Jul 05 20, 7:51 AM

Jazmee27
we gonna eat well (not that we werent eating good or OK). we got2containers of peanut butter pie, 2containers of pasta salad, a container with deviled eggs (she forgot if we liked those so had2call... scary thing was, she had an asthma attack over the phone), 3burgers, &2containers of apple sausage&veggies. this food what we would have eaten yesterday had we gone2the get2gether (but our transportation didnt know how she could get me there without touching me at all, so that's why we werent invited... not that we minded. first 4th of July we could just lounge at home all day&do nothing¬ have2fight2do that. we would break away if we could... but there's so much chaos (inside&out) that we cant.

we not writing the name we call her, cos people would likely object. it not very family-friendly.

she offered2do a grocery run4us sometime this week2eliminate anxiety over us ordering. that... no. would b like slappin a band-aid over a wound. coz we gonna have2order sometime, &the anxiety gonna b even worse longer we wait.

1. we dont know if we still interactin with the same people due2what's happened.
2. we gonna have2stock up even more than we did already (we did a little, coz it's a bit pricey2order food from there--customer service was a main consideration in our decision2use that store).

store a had been Zweyer's Foodkart. we didnt really eat healthy there, &we ordered a lot of grocery items. Store b is called Dutchway Farm Market. they have more prepared meals, &(unlike Zweyer's) they dont yell at you if you happen2call on the "wrong" day (Zweyer's used2do that; they also closed suddenly, with no notice, then months later I received a phone call with the new phone number "inviting" me2call in again).

Reply #29. Jul 05 20, 1:50 PM

Jazmee27
system news:

we are Hope System. within Hope System there's a splinter group called Legion (the biblical1, not Roman... though we are that2). there used2b another splinter group, the Rogue Ones, but the leadership fell apart&the members assimilated into Legion. no1forced them2do this.
at some point, there was a difference in mindset among members. those who were inclined toward violence broke away2form Rogue Legion.
as of yesterday, there's been another fundamental shift. today, Alyn, their leader, changed their name2Lone Wolves.
sadly, there are still those who embrace the paths of darkness (head wars, etc). we cant force them2align their beliefs with ours. doing so just creates more conflict.
Legion&Lone Wolves r tired of fighting. we just wanna coexist. no hierarchy, no wars. just equals workyn through any differences&coming2aa mutually acceptable solution.

Reply #30. Jul 05 20, 4:22 PM

MiraJane star


player avatar
I love that "common courtesy" to wear a mask. :-).

If not common courtesy to others, common sense to protect yourself!

Reply #31. Jul 05 20, 6:03 PM
Jazmee27
It should b, MiraJane

some seem not2think so...

or they have odd ideas

like the one where the masks force people2breathe their own co2 (yet, somehow, let the particles of infectious virus in)

or the one about the mask elevating blood pressure

&the people sayin all one has2do is go outside (without the mask) &the body's natural healing will "cure" you or something

&then the ones who are saying it's all a political conspiracy

&meanwhile there are studies everywhere showing that the masks do work

those burgers are real good. body's uncle grilled them. &a cousin brought them (theyre the real big, fat juicy kind)

Reply #32. Jul 05 20, 8:08 PM

Jazmee27
one thing this st*pid virus did is create a world of anxiety that made it feel like we were back2the days when we first started ordering from this store

only difference is we know the departments we need&which days2call in2order what

irrational fears go up2the ceiling... literally

we had2remind ourselves2just call&get it over with before it got too late

I asked4the deli kitchen&waited... listening2whatever melody they had playing... surprisingly not objectionable (most times, thats the case, &Im wondering if its due2the kind of service they offer... I mean, they actually uphold customer service values; how many businesses do you know of that truly do that?)

the lady who used2take our order back in March&before is still working there, &she remembered us (well, bodys name, but its the same2those of us who call2order the groceries).

so we caught up a bit

she thought we were staying with family or something

Im like... no, still here, just taking precautions... waitin till we went2the green phase

ordered some of our favorites (mac n' cheese, sausage pot pie, chicken dinners, chicken salad, fruit salad)&they made this lime tapioca (sounds so good I said we'l take2); one of our favorites is also shepherds' pie but we never put it on our order cos we were never writing it on the list... wer getting 6 of those; we gonna get sausage gravy if they have it (if not, thats fine2).

now we get2do the anxiety dance again tomorrow (when we order the actual grocery portion)&Wednesday (when the stuff gets delivered) so that should be fun (heavy sarcasm)

that wasnt even anxiety... it was actually programming due2how extreme it was; almost as if there's a program called "unknown" &that1revs up whenever unexpected crap comes up

*shakes head vigorously* I feel crazy4even thinking there could b such a thing

weve had trouble with this before&sometimes find ourselves repeating, "expecct the unexpected" (thinking back on it... sounds like a program phrase, the way "we love you all. we love all you" is. cos that used2relax our muscles as well. &sometimes we would say, "light will find a way," "hope is here2stay," or even the entire hope philosophy: "hope will find a way2shine through the darkness" or "light will find a way2shine through every dark&dismal moment." funny how they now all sound/feel like program phrases).

glad2have that out of the way

- Hikarumichi

Reply #33. Jul 06 20, 8:46 AM

Jazmee27
It been a while since we post any of our story. BTW, this is the last stretch (cos we encountered a block&couldnt move forward):
=============================================================
He shook his head again. "They won't let mommy go without a fight. Don't you see how they're positioned?"
I inhaled sharply, noting how the goons had encircled us. Hands were reaching out for the little ones, their faces lit with sadistic pleasure. Cristina begged them to stop, and the kittens cried. I gazed around, gazing for a way out of this mess. The leader pointed to his men, leering at me. "You see, Osanu, we don't need your cooperation." He snapped his fingers. "Take the brats and restrain the mother. I'll take care of this one." I somehow found my limbs pinned to my sides. My mind filled with static, then the scene shifted to some sort of dwelling. Somewhere close, I heard a faint cry I recognized as Kenshin's. I coughed weakly, eyes closed and body aching. My nose and paws had been broken at some point, along with other things. Concentration proved difficult, yet I had to try. "Let him go. Yu wanted me... &yu have me. Let my son return to his family. Please." I cringed at how weak my voice sounded.
My captors cackled, and one yanked my tail. "You're in no position to be making demands." He squeezed, lifting me by the tail and shaking me.
I cried out, eyes watering and gasping for breath. Kenshin yowled again, and I struggled against my bindings. "Let. Him. Go."
"Your son chose to fight," a different goon remineded me, his eyes dancing. "We can't allow him to live any more than you. There's nothing you can do to stop us, so you best stopped trying." I screamed as pain overwhelmed my senses. "Say goodbye." I coughed, struggling feebly against the blackness.

Reply #34. Jul 06 20, 6:16 PM

Jazmee27
From the news:

"Tony-nominated Broadway actor Nick Cordero dies from Covid-19." He didn't suffer from any underlying conditions, and was in good health prior to infection. He languished for3months, 3weeks of which were in an induced coma. So very sad.

alarmingly, scientists are starting to think the pandemic is as bad as it is because coronavirus might be airborne (lingering longer in confined spaces, explaining why bars/restaurants, etc. are hit harder than public spaces). therefore, masks might b crucial in such indoor areas (not just outdoor spaces).

&there's a thunderstorm watch through 11 PM. Storms could come with hail, damaging winds, &risk of flash flooding... our kinda weather. NOT.

Reply #35. Jul 06 20, 6:24 PM

Jazmee27
Question:

have you ever had mineral water? if so, what flavor(s?

she. wants us2start ordering some since theyr healthier than soda&other sugary drinks

but of the two mineral water flavors, one we think is disgusting; the oer is slightly sweeter¬ as objectionable

she thinks that might b Dragonfruit

other one almost reminds us f Gatorade&we dont like that at all cos it reminds us of grape juice... &wer picky about grape juice
we can drink the sparkling grape, bt regular grape is disgustin2us

Reply #36. Jul 06 20, 7:40 PM

Jazmee27
1245 in Knocikout? not bad. we usually scoryn lower.

Reply #37. Jul 07 20, 4:58 PM

Jazmee27
canned goods b flyin off the shelves

we wanted canned corn; only kind they had was organic. we said yes2that.

wanted peas, but they didnt have any canned peas (not those with pull tops, which we use ever since we cut ourselves tryin2use a can opener. &I mean, it was a bad cut... she had2force us2get a tetanus shot coz it had been a while since we had one (if indeed we did... we just dont remember).

we gettin salad greens, baby carrots, clementines (if they still have some), bananas...

vitamin water 's $1 apiece. we gettin2blueberry, 1dragonfruit (cos we curious2see if that is the one we had before or not), 1mango, 1orange, &1strawberry lemonade.

pepsi on sale so we gettin the regular (4 6-pack bottles... forget how much each 4).

we gettin more toilet paper (&no sales on any of that right now; not surprising in the least).

gettin napkins coz we totally ran out

we gettin orange juice, chocolate milk&2% milk, regular iced tea&tea cooler.

we gettin, if they have them, spicy bbq pringles

gettin, if they have them, cheddar cheese pretzel pieces

gettin some candy (M&Ms&reese's pieces)

gettin individual applesauce (cinnamon if they have it)

we forgot2order cereal, &by the time we realized it was too late2order anything (after2PM).

stuff gets delivered tomorrow

gettin sliced cheese

we didnt need bread coz "lady" brought us bread (last time she got some, she put a loaf in the freezer&kept a loaf out).

we have strawberry preserves&peanut butter4sandwiches

we also have3sandwich rolls left

gotta figure out what we eatin (had a pbj sandwich this mornyn)

we do it right&we not have2order anything4a while

o... they didnt have ravioli, so we gonna get spaghetti&meatballs in can instead

Reply #38. Jul 07 20, 5:14 PM

Jazmee27
there's a hole in my pillow
stuffing leaks out
will I ever touch it again?
I miss it
it comforted me
I try substituting
the other pillows are all wrong
I try making due
muscles hurt from sleeping wrong.

Reply #39. Jul 07 20, 7:21 PM

Jazmee27
what does it mean
to be whole
free
happy?
we do not know
laugh for a minute and go back to serious
accused of not knowing how to relax
perhaps 'tis true
does not mean we not want those things
we feel cursed
like universe not want them for us
like we deserve none of that.
people carefree
not worrying about things
not obsessing
we know not how they do it
trauma changes brains you see
and so we try to "unwire" it
if that is indeed the word
and get frustrated when we cannot
coz this our life
and who will understand?

Reply #40. Jul 07 20, 8:33 PM


191 replies. On page 2 of 10 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
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