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Subject: Steve's blind jokes blog

Posted by: stevetastic
Date: Jun 27 18

Please note that this is NOT a blog for bashing blind people! I'm blind myself and I have a comedy page on facebook that I run with a bunch of other blind people. The page is designed to "make light out of a dark disability", so I thought I'd share some of that light here! I will post some of our best jokes below and hope I don't get too much hate for sharing my "dark" sense of humor! lol!

37 replies. On page 1 of 2 pages. 1 2
stevetastic star


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Q: Why do blind people love medicine?
A: Because it has sight effects!

Reply #1. Jun 27 18, 4:39 AM

stevetastic star


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Q: What kind of cat cannot see?
A: Cataract!

Reply #2. Jun 27 18, 4:39 AM

stevetastic star


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A blind man was visiting Texas. He felt the seats on the airplane and murmured, "Wow, these are big seats!"
The guy next to him replied, "Everything is big in Texas!"
When the man got to Texas, he visited a bar. He asked the bartender for a mug and he handed him one. The blind man exclaimed, "Wow, this is a big mug!" To which the bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas!"
The blind man got up to go to the bathroom. He walked into what he thought was the bathroom, and suddenly he fell into an indoor swimming pool! He could be heard for miles around as he shrieked, "Don't flush! Don't flush!"

Reply #3. Jun 27 18, 4:43 AM

stevetastic star


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Q: What would you call a sighted person who follows a blind person?
A: Eye shadow!

Reply #4. Jun 27 18, 4:44 AM

stevetastic star


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Q: What's a blind person's favorite movie?
A: Legally blind!

Reply #5. Jun 27 18, 4:44 AM

stevetastic star


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A blind man walked into a bar.
And a table, and a chair. Ouch, ouch, ouch!

Reply #6. Jun 27 18, 4:45 AM

stevetastic star


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Q: What would you call a blind person's best friend who can see?
A: Sight kick!

Reply #7. Jun 27 18, 4:46 AM

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Hey, did you see the blind man's guide dog?
Well, neither did he!

Reply #8. Jun 27 18, 4:46 AM

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Q: What's a blind person's favorite treat?
A: Candy canes!

Reply #9. Jun 27 18, 4:47 AM

stevetastic star


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Steve's cab prank
A friend of mine happens to be a cab driver. One day we decided to pull a prank on one of his regular customers, a grouchy lady who (as my friend told me) never smiled. My friend told me to go up to the door, cane in hand, and tell the lady I was there to give her a ride. (My friend, the real driver, was in the passenger's seat as this all went down.) I can only imagine the expression on that lady's face when she thought a blind person was driving the cab!

Reply #10. Jun 27 18, 5:05 AM

stevetastic star


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Steve's prank on landlord
A couple years back, on April Fool's Day, I got into a "fight" with my landlord. It went something like this:
Me: Hey (insert landlord's name), I can't pay my rent this month. I accidentally spent all the money and went over the budget.
Landlord: You can't pay this month?! (sounding a little ticked off)
Me: Nah, I went out and got a new car. A nice one too!
At this point we both cracked up!

Reply #11. Jun 27 18, 5:09 AM

stevetastic star


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Steve goes to the DMV
I had to go to the DMV to get my state ID a while back, and I have to say that (from my experiences going to the DMV at least), I have never "seen" anybody laugh or smile. So I had to have my fun, of course. I went up to the woman to get my ID, and when she asked me if there was anything else I needed, I said, (with as straight a face as I could manage), "Well, actually, since I'm here, I think I'll get my driver's license!" And get this, I actually got a laugh out of not only her but at least two of her colleagues as well. I made history that day at the DMV!

Reply #12. Jun 27 18, 5:13 AM

stevetastic star


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Steve gets his vision tested!
My sister had an appointment with the eye doctor, and Steve, the blind prankster, struck again, of course!!!! I made my sister write down the letters on the screen; then she read them to me and I quickly memorized them. Then when the doctor came back in, I blurted out all the numbers and letters from the test, and ended with, "Are you still sure I'm completely blind?" followed by a dramatic bow.

Reply #13. Jun 27 18, 5:24 AM

Jazmee27
Very funny


Reply #14. Jun 27 18, 7:57 AM
mpkitty star


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"Sense" of humor should be one o the major senses. It is with you, Steve!

Reply #15. Jun 29 18, 8:11 AM
stevetastic star


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The rules for interacting with a blind person (funny but also very very serious)
1. Never ask a blind person to make eye contact. It will most certainly end in disaster!
2. If a person on the phone clearly tells you they are blind, do not ask them what color their shirt is two seconds later. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Mr. Cab Driver!
3. If a blind person complains that "it's too dark in here!" just go along and don't argue.
4. Never underestimate a blind person's sense of direction. If you're my cab driver, keep in mind that I know where I'm supposed to go; just can't transport myself there. So none of that "How do you know it's a left and not a right? You can't see!" business.
And last but not least …
5. Don't ask a blind person to be your designated driver after the rest of you got drunk! At least, not this blind person!

P.S.: I've had all of the above scenarios happen to me and more!

Reply #16. Jul 05 18, 8:56 PM

mpkitty star


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Pardon, if this is too personal, but do you have a guide dog?
I have seen some and would surely want one if I was blind,
I like how devoted they are.

Reply #17. Jul 06 18, 9:10 PM
stevetastic star


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I do not have a guide dog and don't want one either. I went through the training process to get one but discovered it just wasn't for me, that I was more comfortable relying on a cane. Just a personal preference. I know many blind people who have guide dogs.

Reply #18. Jul 07 18, 12:05 AM

Jazmee27
Not for me either, Steve. First off, I'd fall on the dog due to my bad balance.


Reply #19. Jul 07 18, 5:38 AM
stevetastic star


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It's definitely not for everyone.

Reply #20. Jul 07 18, 8:01 PM


37 replies. On page 1 of 2 pages. 1 2
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