"Wanted" Trivia Quiz

Answer: Blossom

It has not been a very good night for Rodney. He leaves the Nags Head after having no luck with the opposite sex. Then he meets a singing middle-aged woman sitting on a fence who "stinks of booze". She tells Rodney, "Just waiting for the bus, my lovely." But Rodney points out that they discontinued buses on this road almost 10 years ago.

Then the laughing woman stumbles forward and Rodney catches her just in time. But then her manner turns really aggressive.

Answer: Trying to rape her

Rodney stops her from falling over, and he is only trying to help. But she shouts, "You touched me! I'll have the police on you." Poor Rodney makes matters worse by claiming to be a doctor. She doesn't believe him, and cries, "I've read about your sort!" (The next morning Del exclaims, "A doctor? You didn't give her a prescription or nothing, did you?")

Answer: True

The nutty woman Rodney is only trying to help screams, "Help! Rape! Rape!" and poor Rodney runs home. The next morning Del reveals over breakfast that the police, flying squad, dogs, panda cars, etc. were out in the whole area last night. Rodney turns even paler. But as it turns out, it was nothing to do with him.

Answer: True

Rodney acts so distracted and nervous at breakfast that Granddad and Del finally ask what the matter is. Rodney tells all, convinced the police are looking for him. He describes the woman, and Del frowns and asks, "Did you she call you 'my lovely'?" Rodney looks up hopefully. "Yeah. Do you know her?" Del lies, "Er, no no. You didn't catch her name or nothing, did you?" Then Rodney recalls seeing "Blossom" on the woman's identity necklace. Del resists the urge to laugh, and turns around with a straight face to reprimand Rodney for his behaviour. Del adds, "No wonder there were gangs of vigilantes roaming the streets saying 'Lynch him! Lynch him!'" Rodney moans how unfair it is and runs off to his bedroom.

But once he is out of earshot, Del cracks up in peals of laughter! He confides to Granddad that Blossom is well known around Peckham, especially to the police. And they are sick of her making silly accusations about men like this (Blossom spends literally half her time in a mental institution). Granddad asks, "Well why didn't you tell young Rodney?" Del stares at his Granddad. "What, and spoil all the fun? No way! I'm gonna wind him right up with this one!"

Answer: False

Granddad, of all people, well knows how Del's sense of humour can get out of hand. He snaps, "A joke's a joke, but you never know when to stop!" He reminds his grandson of the April Fools' Day when Del said the Football Pools rung up to tell Granddad he'd won 500,000 pounds. Del goes into hysterics as they reminisce, but Granddad is certainly not laughing.

He recalls dancing in the streets, running into pubs, blowing all his pension money on champagne. "And then I suddenly realised I didn't even DO the [deleted] pool!" Now Del is almost rolling round on the carpet. "Stop it!" he laughs uncontrollably.

Answer: Rodney runs away from home.

The next night Del is at the pub with Boycie and Trigger and all three have a good laugh at Rodney's expense. "How could he swallow that, eh?" sighs Trigger, "I thought everyone round here knew what old Blossom was like." Then the barmaid calls Del over - Granddad is on the phone. Del merrily goes over to pick up the receiver.

His face pales, he hangs up and goes back to his friends - suddenly sober. His brother Rodney has gone on the run! He left a note Granddad found saying he was "in the last place they'd ever think of looking."

Answer: False

When Del tells his friends Rodney has vanished, Boycie asks, "Have you tried under his bed?" But Del is not in the mood for jokes. Trigger reassures Del that Rodney will probably be home once he gets hungry. But no - according to Granddad, Rodney has taken all the tinned food. Poor Delboy is at a loss, he doesn't know what he's going to do. Boycie asks, laughing, "Ain't you got nothing in the freezer then?"

Answer: Johnny Cash - "Live At San Quentin"

Granddad angrily reminds Del of this when they're arguing at home the next morning. "I was gonna tell him this morning," grumbles Del bitterly. "Well you could have told him yesterday," snaps his grandfather "Instead of that, you sat there playing Johnny Cash!" Del has been driving around London all night looking for his brother. Alleyways, dosshouses, you name it.

He grumbles, "Alright, alright, don't go on at me. Don't go on at me! I feel bad enough as it is." His searching proves fruitless. He relates to Granddad, "I've been offered everything from 50 quid for me passport, to a plate of magic mushrooms."

Answer: Detect a strong smell of marijuana

While the two Trotters are worrying sick about Rodney, they notice a funny smell. Del thinks it's Granddad's cooking and Granddad thinks it's Del's aftershave (although he's actually the one using it). Then Granddad recalls all the other tenants smelt it last night, too. Del was driving round London trying to find his brother so he missed the excitement.

Then Granddad observes it seems to be coming from the flat's ventilation shaft. At that same moment, Del recognises the smell. "Granddad," he says with a wry smile, "Go and get them chicken legs out the 'fridge. I think I know where's Rodney's hiding." To Rodney's credit, he did have a hiding place no one would think of: his building's attic tank-room!

Answer: A cat

Del sticks his head into the tank-room and calls out, "Rodney? It's Delboy." He tells Rodney he's brought some scotch and chicken up, there's nothing to be frightened about. Del is wondering how to explain to his poor sibling that the whole thing was just a joke. Poor Rodney is bleary-eyed, unshaven and hiding on the other side of the water tank.

He accidentally knocks over a tin and goes, "Meow." Del sighs and adds, "Or if you prefer, I could get you a saucer of milk?". Then Rodney knocks something over, making a loud crash. Del scurries back. "It is you, innit Rodney?" A familiar voice grumbles, "No, it's that cat again."

Answer: Mr. Corby is a paraplegic.

Rodney does not believe his brother's insistence that the woman who shouted "Rape!" at him is a well-known lunatic. Del tells Rodney how she accused one of the elderly neighbours of the same thing a fortnight ago. "I mean he was so surprised, he nearly fell off his wheelchair!"

Answer: James Cagney

Del asks Rodney what he's playing at up here. Rodney takes the question literally, "Well Del, this is a little game called 'Not Going To Prison'. The rules are ever so easy, you know. All you gotta do is find yourself a place to 'ide. And stay there till you die!" Del replies, "Don't think it'll catch on, Rodney." They argue a little bit more and Rodney claims he's adjusting to this lifestyle. Del groans, "Oh come on! Don't give me all that James Cagney stuff. 'Look at me Ma! I'm on the toppa the world, Ma! Look, I'm in the Tankroom, Ma!" (Rodney mutters something impolite in response.)

Answer: Gangs had been fighting and started a fire.

Del still cannot convince his duped brother that he isn't a wanted fugitive after all. Rodney points out, "Alright, you explain this to me then. Why were all them police outside the pub that night?" Del confesses again. It was nothing to do with Rodney, it was the Skinheads and Mods fighting in the local kebab house.

It got so out of hand, a frying pan was knocked over and the place burned to the ground. Rodney still doesn't believe Del. But Del takes him over to the window and says, "Look, you see the Kebab House?" Rodney cannot see it. "Exactly - it ain't there no more!" Rodney's face collapses in utter disbelief.

He has been hiding up here, starving? For nothing? All this time?

Answer: He forgot the tin opener.

Del groans, "Well why didn't you pop down for it?" Rodney looks at his brother reproachfully. "Del, desperate men don't pop home to borrow a tin-opener! Anyway, going without food ain't so bad. People like us get used to it." That prompts Del to do that James Cagney impersonation mentioned earlier.

Answer: Claims he's been urinating in the water tank

Rodney asks his brother, "But then why did you tell me I'd go away for 10 years as a special category prisoner? That they'd nicknamed me 'The Peckham Pouncer'? That there were gangs of men roaming the streets looking to hang me from the nearest lamppost?" Del, pouring himself a drink from the nearest tap, shrugs helplessly. "For a laugh. Just a bit of a wind-up. That's all." Rodney stares at him. Surely Del wouldn't do that to his own brother? Then again, this is Del after all. Rodney turns to his brother in a vengeance. Goodness knows how he restrains himself from strangling Del! But Del feels so guilty he offers to take Rodney out for a big slap-up dinner, and buy him new clothes and shoes too. Rodney calms down. Del suggests coming downstairs for a shower, but Rodney smiles and says, "Oh, I don't fancy standing under our water Del.

Not after what I've been doing in it." We are not sure if Rodney is telling the truth or not. But when the full implications of that statement hit Del, he spits out his drink!