The Craiglang Crew Trivia Quiz

Answer:

The Craiglang Crew members are as follows:

Jack Jarvis:
A widower who lives in a flat in Osprey Heights (multi-story building). Jack wears a bonnet, smokes a pipe, is sharp as a tack and twice as grumpy. He's the kind of pensioner who'd haggle over a free biscuit and still walk away smug. His specs are for judging, not reading.

Victor McDade:
Lives in the same building as Jack and is his lifelong friend and fellow philosopher of the park bench. Victor's got a moral compass, but it's usually pointing toward the bookies or a bacon roll.

Winston Ingram:
One-legged, two-faced, and has drunk three pints of beer by noon. Winston's always scheming. His stunts are legendary, mostly for how badly they backfire.

Tam Mullen:
So tight he squeaks when he walks. Tam once returned a scratch card because it cost 50p and only won him 20p.

Isa Drennan:
Jack and Victor's nosey neighbour, who is Craiglang's answer to MI5. If gossip were an Olympic sport, Isa would've taken gold, silver, and bronze, then told everyone about who cheated.

Boabby the Barman:
Works at the Clansman, the local pub and is the owner of the worst patter in Scotland. Boabby's insults are as flat as his lager, but he pours a pint with just enough spite to keep customers coming back. He has a new nickname for Jack and Victor each time they pop into the pub.

Navid Harrid:
The Asian Shopkeeper, philosopher, and part-time agony uncle. Navid dispenses wisdom, Irn-Bru, and passive-aggressive jabs in equal measure.

Meena Harrid:
Meena is Navid's wife, who's heard but never seen. Meena's voice could strip paint and Navid's patience. She speaks mostly in her native language, insulting customers, unbeknownst to them! She's the unseen hurricane in the back shop.

Pete the Jakey:
A local tramp, who smelled before he's seen, Pete's a walking mystery wrapped in a trench coat of questionable origin. He might be mad or he might be MI6.

Shug McLaughlin:
Shug's hearing aid picks up signals from Radio Clyde and the occasional alien transmission. He's forgotten more than most folk ever knew, and he'll tell you all about it.

Eric Jones:
Quiet, kind, and always one step behind the banter. Eric's the human equivalent of a cardigan, being warm, soft, and slightly confused.

Methadone Mick:
Reformed alcoholic, sort of. Mick's clean now, but his brain's still buffering. He talks like a broken satnav and somehow makes it work.

Edith:
Victor's blind date from hell! She has a hunchback, numerous moles, buck teeth, smokes like a chimney, drinks pints of Guinness, laughs like a drain, and could wrestle a badger for the last sausage roll.

Big Innes:
Used to live in Craiglang, but moved to Elgin. He's a gentle giant - until he drinks some Midori! Then it's table-flipping time. Sorts out the local hooligans and is known to clear pubs faster than a fire alarm.

Manky Frankie:
Resident of Osprey Heights. He collects all sorts of junk and loves to dismantle old cars, which he leaves parts of lying around on the communal landing.

These are the characters I made up for fun:

Malky Bain, Moira McGroat, Big Aggie, Rabina Singh, Eddie the Envelope, Wullie the Bampot, Wee Peem, Shiela McSporran, Father McFleck and Dinah the Dancer