We're Knights of the Round Table Quiz

Answer: 932 AD

"England 932 A.D." appears straight after the opening credits, which contain subtitles in fake Swedish with lines like: "Wi nøt trei å høliday in Sweden this yër?" The subtitles then digress into a bizarre tale about a moose biting the sister of someone carving initials with an "interspace toothbrush" given by Svenge, an Oslo dentist.

The screen then announces that those responsible for the subtitles have been sacked, only for a new crew to take over and continue the moose references before being sacked in turn, leading to an eventual switch to Ecuadorian mountain llamas. And all this before the film has even started...

Answer: Patsy

King Arthur stood beneath the walls of a castle declaring that he was "Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!".

When the first guard disputed that, Arthur continued with the words "I am. And this my trusty servant Patsy".

Answer: Bedivere

The wise Sir Bedivere was the first to join King Arthur's knights, but according to the narrator, other illustrious names were soon "Sir Launcelot the Brave; Sir Galahad the Pure; and Sir Robin the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Launcelot who had nearly fought the Dragon of Agnor, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill; and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film."

Answer: Sir Robin

According to the narrator, "Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Arthur. The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise, and Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Arthur, having consulted his closest knights, decided that they should separate, and search for the Grail individually".

The minstrel sang the praises of his master thus:
"Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!"

Sir Robin, meanwhile, became increasingly concerned at references to the nasty ways he was about to die.

Answer: Graham Chapman

Michael Palin was the right head and Terry Jones the left head. The giant cannot do anything until all three heads agree, but they spend all their time arguing with each other.

The left head wants to pull out a sword and cut off Sir Robin's head, the middle head acts as a weary referee who bickers with the other two and the right head tells the left head to cut off its own head instead.

Answer: Castle Anthrax

Galahad sees what he thinks is a sign of the Holy Grail, but it is just a grail-shaped beacon lit by the inhabitants. He enters Castle Anthrax, populated by 160 young women led by identical twins Zoot and Dingo. The women welcome Galahad and promise to attend to his every need, trapping him in a cycle of temptation involving soft beds and extensive clothing changes.
Just as Galahad is on the verge of yielding to the temptation, Sir Lancelot bursts in and claims Galahad was in terrible peril, while Galahad insists he was not and begs to go back inside to face more of this "peril".
Dragged away by Lancelot, Galahad leaves the castle safely chaste, much to his disappointment.

Answer: Shrubbery

The Knights claimed that they were "The keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Pen, and Nee-wom" and also demanded a sacrifice. King Arthur replied that "Knights of Ni, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods" and asked what they wanted, to which they replied "We want... a shrubbery"!

Answer: Swamp Castle

The castle belonged to the king of the swamp and his son Prince Herbert. It was built on top of three other castles that had sunk during the king's earlier attempts. The king wanted to expand his kingdom by the marriage of his reluctant son. Lancelot learnt of this when his servant was hit by an arrow carrying a message.

He thought that Herbert was a lady, so he stormed the castle and massacred the wedding guests.

Answer: Three

After running away from the vicious rabbit, Arthur asked how many they had lost. The reply was "Gawain, Hector and Bors", to which Arthur said "five", only to be corrected by Galahad that the number was three. Arthur agreed saying "Three, three. And we'd better not risk another frontal assault, that rabbit's dynamite".

Answer: Brother Maynard

Arthur remembered that "Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade". After the brother consulted the Book of Armaments, he gave exact instructions to operate the hand grenade, which was then thrown at the rabbit killing it instantly.