A SAG Card Meeting (Boston Chapter) Quiz

Answer: The Little Rascals

Yes, they were all brought back to life: Spanky, Darla, Alfalfa, Buckwheat and the rest. In this incarnation the boys lost their clubhouse (or should I say The He-Man Woman-Haters Club, as they called themselves, lost it). The lesson here - especially after the young ladies saved the day - was that girls aren't so bad.

The novelty of that message is hardly staggering. James Cameron-Wilson of "Film Review" wrote: 'A brainless exercise in exploitation that boasts the worst ensemble acting I have ever seen.' Audiences pretty much agreed with him and stayed away by the hundreds. Or was it by the thousands?

Answer: An Indecent Proposal

What is there to say? The draw of this fiasco was to see Robert Redford up on screen again but the reality of it is that he should have saved himself the embarrassment and stayed home. That a young couple were in financial straits and could be bailed out of that when, and only when, Woody Harrelson might let his lovely wife Demi Moore sleep with creepy Redford sounded intriguing at first.

It wasn't. Philip French summed it up well in "The Observer": 'Unredeemably awful'. Yes, Mr. French. You are unrelentingly right.

Answer: A convict who becomes pregnant in jail

We'll give Perlman a break on this film - it really wasn't TOO bad. Not great, marginally good, preposterous title, hardly anything more than a "girl-in-prison" exploitation. A pregnant girl in prison, though, was supposed to be irresistable but proved to be the opposite. Amy Madigan, a fine actor overall, played the (supposedly) sympathetic mother-to-be and Beau Bridges played the prison guard who suffered from a sporty zipper.

But we liked his character, anyway. Even at his worst, Beau Bridges is as cuddly and likable as they get. I guess. Let's be honest - not always.

Answer: Troop Beverly Hills

Time for a collective shudder. "Troop Beverly Hills" was a-w-f-u-l! A rich Mom turns her daughter's flimsy Girl Scout cohorts into a pack of capitalistic and materialistically driven numb skulls? Long has really made an art out of bad choices, that has to ultimately be said.

A good start with "Night Shift" (1982) and a later redemption with those "Brady Bunch" movie spoofs, but the long and short of it is that the rest of her efforts have fed somewhere near the bottom of things. And to add: those Cruise and Hanks movies were significantly forgettable Cruise and Hanks movies. Wobbly laurels for Miss Long to rest on indeed!

Answer: Xanadu

The legend was Gene Kelly, the muse was Olivia Newton-John. The film, despite a whimsical and sugary cute soundtrack, was basically just pond water. The reviews were scathing (but luckily no one picked on Kelly - I'm sure it was assumed he had nothing better to do so did this feature). Odd that the most notable observation about "Xanadu" might be that the interest in 'roller skating disco' lasted much longer than did interest in this muddled up movie. Critic Roger Ebert said 'Mushy and limp, so insubstantial it melts before our very eyes!' Thumbs up to that, Mr. Ebert.

Answer: The Bitch

Puh-leez don't get this quiz author started about Jackie Collins novels or, worse, those novels becoming movies starring her sister Joan Collins. This movie was just drivel, from start to finish! It is true that Joan Collins was in her element as Alexis on "Dynasty" and that she played much the same role in "The Bitch".

The big difference, though, is that the TV program was camp. This movie actually tried to be serious! Also, giving a movie such a title is just asking for trouble in my opinion. If you pull up the cast list the only recognizable name in it is that of Ms. Collins. Imagine that? Movie House Commentary noticed Ratzenberger: 'Cliff Klaven from Cheers as a disco denizen in London? Cliffy is dancing his heart out (a sight to see), and is also a criminal! Norm is not to be seen, which is a shame, because Norm's dancing would have added a much-needed sense of humor to this film!'

Answer: Barbie of Swan Lake

Believe it or not this movie, for what it was and for where its target audience was supposed to sit, wasn't really awful. It really DID gather some praise for bringing dance to the fore for young girls to enjoy and learn from. The biggest roadblock is that nobody went to see it, little girls included! According to critic Richard Scheib: 'The two genres do seem somewhat incongruous - a girl's doll that has become synonymous parlance for a bimbo sitting alongside a classical ballet.' Aside from "The Nutcracker" I made up the other two titles. Too bad, really. That "Gidget" one has a promising premise, if I do say so myself.

Answer: For Richer For Poorer

What better an idea than a movie about being on the run and hiding out (and making every unthinkable joke possible) with the otherwise innocent Amish? Such gentle people didn't deserve such treatment. Lets face it, armed guerilla terrorists would hardly deserve such disrespect! Tim Allen, of "Home Improvement", played Alley's husband in this disaster. Journalist Jon A. Walz noted: 'Not since grown white men wore black-face and sang songs about life on the plantation has a movie been so blatantly insulting to an entire group of people.'

Answer: Lovely black girl discovers she has a Father out there. She is the product of a sperm bank donation. Daddy is white. Complications ensue.

First to say, all of these plots really are Ted Danson movies! Yes, even the 'marijuana' one. "Made In America", though, was just one in a short series of public spectacles that he and Goldberg indulged in during their fling together. It was dreadful.

It finally became less about the daughter and all about the romance between the two parents. The problem with that is that they were both so separately unpleasant that the idea of them getting together was not something the audience could hope for too happily. 'As far as comedies go, this one is distinctly mundane', said critic James Bernardinelli. And, I'd add, intrinsically stinky.

Answer: Why, yes it does! Addresses and zip codes have a great deal to do with it.

The Boston bar upon which "Cheers" is based sits at 84 Beacon Street, thus the 84B. 02108 is its zip code. The bar (the real one) is really nothing like the tavern on TV, except that there is a fancy restaurant above it. It is named the "Bull and Finch" and has, of course, become quite the tourist attraction in the last quarter century. A beer there costs (gasp!) ten dollars! But, it is commonly known, getting your picture taken amongst "Cheers" beers is an opportunity you can't pass up.

I hope you had some fun playing this quiz. I clearly had a blast writing it!