'Allo 'Allo? Francophilia; a Clandestine Love Quiz

Answer: Édouard Manet

Manet was no stranger to controversy having raised more than a few eyebrows with his "Le déjeuner sur l'herbe", exhibited in 1863 at the Salon des Refusés, alongside an equally shocking painting by James Whistler.

The modern viewer is more than likely bemused by the hullabaloo, and wonders what can have been so shocking about the painting, female nudes apparently being de rigueur in art history, but certain motifs have to be looked into to realize what upset the critics and public of the time. Manet more than hinted at Titian's "Venus" (which, by the way was equally controversial), who looks like a subservient woman waiting for her male admirer to woo (or possibly just take pleasure in) her, yet Manet's "Olympia" casts a powerful and self-confident glance at the spectator. She is clearly a prostitute, but a woman in the driving seat of her destiny.

Ingres was from a slightly different era, but might have seen "Olympia" as he died a couple of years later. Ingres' nemesis, Delacroix, would have missed it, having died a couple of years previously.

Answer: Jacques Brel

French-speaking Belgians are at pains to tell the world that one of the French language's greatest contributors to music was in fact Belgian.

Although Brel isn't exactly a household name in Anglophone countries, his influence is widespread and deep-rooted. Brel afficionados include David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, Bob Dylan and Scott Walker, whilst his songs have been covered by big name mainstream stars such as Ray Charles, Frank Sinatra and Nina Simone.

Whether you speak French or not, it doesn't take much listening to Brel to realize he was something really special, not just as a wordsmith, but also as a performer, his delivery conveying sadness and gloom, yet merging it with sophisticated charm, wit and zest.

Belgium has actually given the world of music quite a lot considering its small population; inventor of the saxophone Adolphe Sax, jazz guitarist Django Reinhardt, Charlie Parker's (amongst others) cohort Toots Thielemans, and my favourites, grindcore band Agathocles, are all from Belgium.

Answer: Zinedine Zidane

The match was Zinedine Zidane's last ever match. He was allegedly insulted by Italian defender Marco Materazzi, and decided to ram him like a goat. It livened up a dull game that Italy won on penalties despite the goalkeepers not saving a single shot. In fact it was French striker David Trezeguet's fluffing of his shot that won the game. Trezeguet played for Italian team Juventus at the time, as did Italy's keeper, Buffon.

The Italians are incredibly proud of winning the 2006 World Cup, but truth be told, it was one of the most lacklustre tournaments in recent history. The Italians were going through a period of football scandals involving referees being bribed, and see the victory as having cleared their name to some extent. However, the fact that they progressed to the later stages of the tournament thanks to a penalty given for a dive by Fabio Grosso in the closing moments of a game against Australia undermines the claim somewhat.

Eric Cantona played back in the day when if you were abused in a way that you felt was over the line, you dealt with it, and he certainly did when a Crystal Palace fan allegedly abused him verbally. Cantona launched into a kung-fu kick that smacked said fan in the face as the French star was leaving the pitch after being sent off. Despite playing for one of the most hated clubs in England at the time (Manchester United), he won the overwhelming respect of fans nationwide.

Answer: Fischer

Fischer comes from the Alsace region in the north-west of France, on the borders with Germany. The traditional language of the area is Alsatian, although these days French predominates. The Fischer brewery has been there since 1854. The beer Fischer "Tradition" comes in a swing-top bottle, meaning you can just pop one and don't need a bottle-opener.

Sans Souci is actually an Italian beer, which following Italian beer marketing practice has a foreign name (Dreher, Forst, Splügen), possibly due to the poor reputation of Italian beer.

Rochefort is a Belgian Trappist brewery. Paulaner is a Bavarian brewery.

Answer: Charles de Gaulle

Charles de Gaulle led the Free French Forces during World War II and broadcast invigorating speeches from London, urging the French to rise up against the occupying German forces.

He was highly-influential in the defeat of Nazi Germany, but has historically been given a back-seat by middlebrow war historians due to his caustic relations with both the UK and the USA following the war, possibly due to his fierce patriotism, displayed in his support of Quebec separatism and communist China.

Answer: Liberia

Liberia is in West Africa, bordered by Sierra Leone, Guinea and Côte d'Ivoire. English is the official language, but heaps of other languages are spoken.

It was colonized by freed American slaves (hence the name) in the early 19th century, a well-meaning yet rather hotchpotch project supported by the American Colonization Society. From the 1980s until the early 2000s the Liberia was blighted by civil wars, the effects of which the country is still burdened with.

Cameroon, Chad and Gabon all border one another. The Portuguese, French, English and Germans have all had a poke at Cameroon, the French and Portuguese at Gabon, but just the French at Chad.

Many people from ex-French colonies have settled in France, making it one of the most multicultural countries in Europe. How happily cosmopolitan the country is proves a hot potato, some pointing to the dissatisfaction amongst ethnic communities in the big cities as giving rise to strained relations with the authorities and rioting, but undoubtedly the huge contribution made by "newcomers" (horrible term) to contemporary French culture, society and sport is one of the things that has kept the country so dynamic.

Answer: Joan of Arc

Joan of Arc is said to have been a 15th century peasant girl who rose up against the English in a messed up and chaotic France, and who has somehow managed to capture the imagination of historians and folklorists ever since her death at the stake at the hand of the English who captured her.

Her adherence to Roman Catholicism has gained her Saint status and she has remained a popular cult figure and symbol of resistance, a theme for which she is acknowledged in a wide range of art forms. Significant references appear in Shakespeare (English literature), Tchaikovsky (Russian music), Mark Twain (American literature), Robert Bresson (French film) and Bertolt Brecht (German theatre).

Boudica/Boadicea is thought to have been a (Celtic) British Queen who fought against the Romans, and is a national hero to some.

Lady Godiva was an Anglo-Saxon queen who, according to legend, rode naked through the streets of Coventry, to oppose taxes imposed by her husband. The deal was that nobody would see her, but one bloke peeked. His name was Thomas, thus the term "Peeping Tom".

I have no idea who Lady Gaga is, what she does, or why people care.

Answer: Cider

Brittany is in the northwest of France, and is considered as one of the six Celtic nations. It has managed to retain some of the traditions, such as producing cider, traditional music, and to a certain extent the Breton and the Gallo languages.

Cider is local fare, and is served in weird little cups. Beer is traditional. Whisky-making has also taken off, becoming a flourishing industry, with some well-respected brews coming from the area.

Escargot is a French dish, which involves snails, usually cooked in a tasty garlic and butter sauce.

Answer: Robert Bresson

Robert Bresson only made thirteen full-length "proper" films, but his influence on French cinema is enormous. At his best ("A Man Escaped", "Pickpocket", "Au Hasard Balthazar" and " Mouchette"), he makes you never want to see any other films again as they will surely pale in comparison. At his worst ("The Devil Probably" and "L'Argent") he frustrates and disappoints, not so much because the films are bad, on the contrary they are excellent films, but rather because you end up to comparing them to his masterpieces and are left bewildered and confused as to why they don't live up to what you are used to from him.

Jean-Pierre Melville is a much over-looked filmmaker of gritty, yet highly stylized French film noir that blatantly overuse all the tropes of the genre whilst avoiding cliché. Warning: don't watch any of his films if you are trying to quit smoking.

Answer: Five Nations

The Home Nations Championship was the first ever international rugby union tournament in the northern hemisphere. It involved England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales and began in 1883. When France joined in 1910 it became the Five Nations.

The French didn't fare too well for many a year, only really blossoming in the 1950s, but since then they have been a force majeure winning many a title. They have also competed in all Rugby World Cups since it began in 1987, and despite not winning yet they've been runners-up several times.

The Five Nations became the Six Nations in 2000 when Italy joined. The Calcutta Cup is awarded to the winner of the Six Nations match between England and Scotland. The Triple Crown is awarded to any of the original Home Nations teams who beat all the other Home Nations teams.

Answer: Louis Pasteur

Louis Pasteur was born into a poor family in 1822 in Dole, eastern France. After graduating from the highly prestigious École Normale Supérieure Pasteur became a professor of Physics, and then Chemistry. Although he is principally remembered for pasteurization, to which he lends his name, he also developed vaccines for both rabies and anthrax.

The Pasteur Institute in Paris is a well-established and reputable organization dedicated to research into biomedical research. It was founded by all-round good guy Louis in 1887.

Compare the French runner-up with those of other nations in similar TV shows: the USA gave it to President Abraham Lincoln (beaten by President Ronald Reagan to the number one spot); Ireland to terrorist Michael Collins; Canada to Alexander Graham Bell (who was actually Scottish, and beaten by an international unknown, Wayne Gretzky).

Answer: Émile Zola

Zola is generally regarded as the quintessential naturalist writer, and "Les Rougon-Macquart" both contains his masterpieces, and is a masterpiece in itself. The full title is "Histoire Naturelle et Sociale d'une Famille sous le Second Empire (Natural and Social History of a Family under the Second Empire)", and it follows the fortunes and misdemeanors of five generations branching from the Rougons and Macquarts.

Zola seems to have been attempting to prove some kind of genetic theory through literature, but he abandoned that path fairly early on and concentrated on what he knew best; writing fiction.

Although the novels stand up alone as novels, one is eager to know how things develop, and the suggested (by Zola) reading order, if followed, is a marvel to behold.

Answer: A stew

Ragout is often a meat based stew, but can also just involve vegetable ingredients. It's a simple, but hearty and tasty delight.

It's said to be the origin of the Italian pasta sauce "ragù", which is almost always meat-based. The most common variant is what is known as Bolognese sauce in English-speaking countries.

Opinions vary, and of course personal taste is paramount, but I've always taken it as a given that French food is the best in the world, even from before I'd ever been and experienced it for myself. Whatever your favourite nosebag is, you'd have to be pretty stubborn not to tip your hat to French cooks and admit they are amongst the best in the world.

Answer: La Manche

And we call them chauvinistic! Le Manche means "the sleeve", as it's also called in some other languages.

The narrowest bit of the "sleeve" is just 21 miles. Many people have swum across, but it's not necessary as there is a frequent ferry service and since 1994 you have been able to go through the Channel Tunnel.

The "chunnel", as it's commonly known , has been voted as one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern World, but was also the butt of one of Mancunian comedian Bernard Manning's funniest anti-French jokes. "Why did the French agree to the building of the chunnel? So they can get to England shouting "Aidez! Aidez!" all the quicker if the Germans invade again." Sorry, after all this francophilia it just slipped out.

Answer: kitsch

Kitsch is from German and means "popular art or design that is lacking in good taste by being too bright, sentimental or pretentious in style".

Lexical borrowing is a fascinating, endless topic to investigate. The phenomena comes about for many a reason; it might be colonialism, cross-culture dialogue, immigration, or simply some fop using a phrase which he picked up on his travels, trying to impress the girls, and said phrase catching on.