Anatomy of a Song: "Dark Lady" Quiz

Answer: New Orleans

"The fortune queen of New Orleans
Was brushing her cat in her black limousine"

The New Orleans setting added to the song's narrative that the dark lady was a gypsy:

"Dark lady laughed and danced
And lit the candles one by one
Danced to her gypsy music
'Till her brew was done"

And of course, we know she is mysterious because we see her brushing her cat in the back of the limousine. Probably a black one as well (the cat, we already know the limo is black), to add to the sense of foreboding.

Released in 1973, "Dark Lady" was Cher's third #1 hit in the US. It was the lead single from her eleventh studio album of the same name.

Answer: Scratches

"On the back seat were scratches from
The marks of men, her fortune she had won"

These two lines are a bit of a standalone in the song. It could be that they are setting the scene that the dark lady was a bit of a shady lady...

"Dark Lady" was written by Johnny Durill, the keyboard player for The Ventures. It was produced by the unfortunately-named Snuff Garrett who also was responsible for "Half Breed" and "Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves".

Answer: James

"I couldn't see through the tinted glass
She said, "Home, James" and he hit the gas"

Poor James, he was just the hired help, a bit-part player, the salaried employee who gets a single mention and is never heard from again (however, that's probably for the best, he didn't want to be mixed up in all of this). Perhaps he could do something about those scratches on the back seat.

Cher was born in 1946 as Cheryl Sarkisian in El Centro, California, a child of American, Armenian, Irish, English, German and Cherokee descent. She first came to public attention as part of the duo Sonny & Cher.

Answer: Twelve

It is not stated in the song whether this is midday or midnight.

"Dark lady played black magic
Till the clock struck on the twelve
She told me more about me
Than I knew myself"

Nothing in the rest of the song sheds any more light on the subject either.

"The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour" (1971 to 74) and the "Sonny & Cher Show" (1976 to 77) were nighttime variety shows that were used as a vehicle to showcase their talents and those of other performers. Regular guests on the "Comedy Hour" included Terri Garr and Steve Martin.

Answer: A queen and a three

"She dealt two cards, a queen and a three
And mumbled some words that were so strange to me"

So, what is the relevance of the dark lady turning up a queen and a three? My theory for this is that making three the second card mentioned is because it is the only one that rhymes with the following line "...so strange to me".

Eights and aces are mentioned in Bob Seger's song "Fire Lake": "Who wants to play those eights and aces?" - this is a reference to the "Dead man's hand". Wild Bill Hickock was killed during a poker game whilst holding a hand of eights and aces. An ace and a jack (or any other face card) are the best two starting cards in Blackjack (an instant perfect hand). A queen and a king is what you want if playing Pinochle, as it gives you a marriage pair.

Answer: A jack

"And then she turned up a two-eyed jack
My eyes saw red but the card still stayed black"

A standard park of cards has two two-eyed jacks (clubs and diamonds), and two one-eyed jacks (spades and hearts). This is because the faces on the spades and hearts cards are shown in profile. Based on this, we can assume the card that the dark lady turned up was the jack of clubs.

Cher has been known by a number of different names during her career: her birth name, Cheryl LaPiere (from her stepfather, Gilbert LaPiere), Bonnie Jo Mason (a non-de-plume used for her first single), Cher Bono (from her marriage to Sonny) and Cher Allman (from her marriage to Gregg Allman).

Answer: The dark lady

"The man you love is secretly true
To someone else who is very close to you!"

What a sneaky way of saying it was he without saying so. I suspect this was a well-used line, which possibly has some genesis in the lyrics at the start of the song:

"On the back seat were scratches from
The marks of men, her fortune she had won"

Cher is not only a musical artist, but also an actor and author. Her well-known film credits include "Silkwood", "The Witches of Eastwick", "Moonstruck" and "Mermaids".

Answer: Hire an investigator

"The man you love is secretly true
To someone else who is very close to you!
My advice is that you leave this place
Never come back, and forget you ever saw my face!"

Now, this author has never been to, nor had the inclination to go to, a fortune teller. Call me pragmatic (and you would be right), but the first word, of many, that comes to my mind is bunkum. I have way better ways to waste my money.

However, for the sake of the song, if the above was the advice that I had paid for, I would consider it insufficient in the extreme. The second line is a tad vague, the third and the fourth line need way more explanation, or I want my money back.

And yet, the singer walks out. This can only be explained by the fact it is a three and a half minute song. No time for explanations!

As one half of Sonny & Cher, memorable hit songs included "I Got You Babe" and "The Beat Goes On" and "A Cowboy's Work Is Never Done". The latter song may be lesser known than the other two, it is a great short story about young unrequited affection.

Answer: Her perfume

"So I ran home and crawled in my bed
I couldn't sleep because of all the things she said
Then I remembered her strange perfume
And how I smelled it once in my own room"

Say, what's that odour? That's a co-incidence, it's the same perfume that the fortune teller uses. Wait on, I smell a rat, No! I smell a gypsy.

In a 1991 interview with Vox, Cher was quoted as saying: "It was a pain in the backside because there was no place to take a breath - there were so many words in that stupid song!"

Answer: They get shot

"So I snuck back and caught her with my man
Laughing and kissing 'til they saw the gun in my hand
The next thing I knew they were dead on the floor
Dark Lady would never turn a card up anymore"

Gotta love a good story song. If you didn't know the song, were you surprised at the identity of the partner's lover? I can't help feeling that the dark lady could have covered her tracks a little better under the circumstances. Pin the blame on James perhaps? She could always hire another limo driver...

Early in the song, it is revealed that the singer has paid the dark lady for her fortune telling advice:

"I followed her to some darkened room
She took my money, she said, "I'll be with you soon"

So, one burning question is therefore left unresolved. Did the singer get a refund? Given that the dark lady didn't disclose her conflict of interest, it would seem only fair!

"Dark Lady" was Cher's last top single in the US until "Believe" hit number one in 1998. "Believe" was the first commercial hit to use the Auto Tune, an audio processor - something for which this author will never forgive her, as it takes us further away from artists being able to re-produce live performances. I understand that my stance versus the song's success means that I am well in the minority, I just think that it sounds awful.