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Subject: Cat's Corner

Posted by: Catreona
Date: Nov 11 20

A virtual blog to post updates on my mother's illness and other thoughts

629 replies. On page 13 of 32 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

MiraJane

Oh Cat, I'm so sorry. I wish comfort to your family and to the cats that will miss her. Your family did all they could to make her last months as comfortable and as joyful as possible for your mother.

Reply #241. Jul 18 21, 2:45 PM

Catreona

My friends, thank you so much. ♥

Reply #242. Jul 18 21, 2:49 PM

Catreona

Mom's obituary:

https://obits.masslive.com/us/obituaries/masslive/name/barbara-ervin-obituary?pid=199496041

Reply #243. Jul 19 21, 6:51 PM

postcards2go

She was beautiful. I love that one of her hobbies was arguing politics. Must have been very lively around the dinner table, and at family gatherings :-)

Reply #244. Jul 19 21, 8:17 PM

Catreona

That is a good photo.

Reply #245. Jul 21 21, 9:37 PM

Catreona

All week, we've been receiving floral arrangements, cards and notes and, to a lesser extent, food.

The house feels terribly empty. Sis is particularly disturbed at having no sense of Mom's presence. So, today she started wearing her favorite of Mom's rings. She said it didn't help. But that got me thinking, and I told her the ring, bracelet and beads I wanted; she could have the rest of Mom's jewelry. She found the ring, as well as another Mom had specifically said she wanted me to have, along with the beads. Curiously, she has no recollection of the bracelet; but, she's bound to come across it at some point.

I didn't put on the beads, they not being appropriate with what I'm currently wearing, so Sis put them and the other ring away in my room. But I put on the ring I'd asked for. Wearing it currently. It's a very strange feeling, wearing a ring my mother habitually wore most of my life. I was afraid my hand would be too big, but the ring fits perfectly. Very strange feeling indeed.

On a totally unrelated topic: Olympic skateboarding? You've got to be kidding! Holy, er, sugar cubes! And I thought Tug of war was a weird Olympic sport. What happened to elegant, grownup Olympic sports like badminton? Guess I'm officially an old fart. /sigh/

Reply #246. Jul 25 21, 9:18 PM

Catreona

Just now, passing Sis' room, I noticed she was watching "Murder She Wrote", for I caught Mrs. Fletcher's voice. Apparently she was giving a talk on writing. Naturally, that caught my attention, so I paused to listen. She said something that didn't quite register, then her last line sank deep into my awareness. She said, to be a writer, you need four things: Patience, direction, determination and strength. I wanted to weep, to scream, to lash out as the realization broke over me, cold and final: I don't have these qualities, and never have had. No wonder I'm a failure, not only as a writer, but as a human being. I simply lack the requirements to succeed. I guess, then, there's no point in even trying. My whole life has been a fraud. I'm not a writer. I'm just a stupid, lazy clod with nothing to offer and nothing to do, and no point to my life.

Reply #247. Jul 26 21, 3:45 PM

postcards2go

Cat!!

Do not take advice from an actress playing a character on T.V.!

If you write, you are a writer. My brother died six months ago. When I spoke to the lawyer who is going through his apartment, I asked for any writings. The lawyer was puzzled. I replied that my brother had never published anything, but that he wrote all his life, and that I would like to have anything that he wrote. Because he took the time to write, it is worth my time to read it.

Anything you write is worthwhile.
Anything you do is worthwhile.

We each go through life in different ways. ALL of us touch others. It can be grand, like becoming the head of a country, or getting a famous award. It can be as simple as a child buying a piece of candy, or a "hello" to the mail carrier. It all makes a difference.

We are all part of the universe. Every breath, every touch, every sound has impact, and that impact has further impact, and so on. An ant, an elephant, a blade of grass, a ray of sun, a pea in the stew.... and Catreona, herself. She is just as important as every other part of the universe... no more, no less.

Reply #248. Jul 26 21, 4:39 PM

Catreona

Postie, you're a good friend. Thank you very much!

Reply #249. Jul 26 21, 8:46 PM

Dagny1

Postie is exactly right! Hang in there, Cat!

Reply #250. Jul 27 21, 11:58 AM

LadyNym

Hope you're feeling better now, Cat. Your post made me so sad. I don't know you personally, but from what I've seen here on FT I got the impression that you are a very good person. Don't put yourself down like that.

Reply #251. Jul 27 21, 2:32 PM

Catreona

Thank you Danny and LadyNym. I have bounced back from those particular depths, thank goodness. It helps having good friends.

Reply #252. Jul 27 21, 6:55 PM

MiraJane

Good, because I'm late to the party telling you ignore the words of Jessica Fletcher.

Cat, it is your writing that made us friends. It is your writing that let me know what an intelligent, caring person you are. You craft words of beauty. You let us see your soul when you write. Those are the signs of a an excellent writer.

Reply #253. Jul 28 21, 6:37 AM

Catreona

Mira, your comment brings a lump to my throat. Thank you, my friend. ♥

Reply #254. Jul 31 21, 8:38 PM

Catreona

We received Mom's ashes on Tuesday of last week. You would think that was pretty final, but I'm still having difficulty coming to grips with the fact that she's gone. Wearing the ring and some days also the bracelet is a comfort, if still a strange feeling. And yet, it still seems like she's just out and will walk back in the house any minute.

Reply #255. Aug 02 21, 6:47 PM

postcards2go

I've always disliked the term, 'closure'... as if going through the ritual of a funeral or wake or shiva will result in a door closing on a life... erasing all memory of the person, and all the pain of loss. The door never fully closes. There is always a sliver of the light that once was.

How are your father and sister coping?

Reply #256. Aug 02 21, 8:33 PM

Catreona

Sis isn't doing too well. She seems particularly distressed at not being able to sense Mom's presence, even though she has been wearing another (her favorite) of Mom's rings. Superficially
Dad is coping well, but he's sort of frenetic and Sis and I think underneath pretty lost. He seems frailer than he did this time last year and the tremor in his hands is much worse. Still, he is being brave and doing his best to be both Mom and Dad, especially to Sis.

Reply #257. Aug 02 21, 9:05 PM

Catreona

My Uncle Marty, Mom's older brother, died today. I don't have details yet, only the fact. We weren't close, but it's still something of a shock.

Reply #258. Aug 05 21, 9:39 PM

MiraJane

Oh, no, Cat! I can understand the shock even if you weren't close. It was your mom's brother. Another piece of her is gone from your life.

Reply #259. Aug 06 21, 2:12 AM

Catreona

You put your finger on it, as usual, Mira.

He had been rather poorly recently. Went into the hospital for surgery and caught Covid. So unnecessary! It makes me angry. It also reinforces my conviction that we did the right thing keeping Mom at home. Going into the hospital or a nursing home would have been a death sentence. Better that at least she was spared suffering from that terrible illness.

Reply #260. Aug 06 21, 8:45 PM

629 replies. On page 13 of 32 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

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