Mucus, the quiz you'd rather not take

Answer: Circulatory system

Of course the mucus we're most familiar with is respiratory mucus, especially from the nose and lungs. But without a mucus lining the stomach would digest itself, and it lubricates and protects all three systems. In the circulatory system it would simply block the flow.

Answer: Donkey (England)

A donkey is in your throat, the rest have left it. Talk about graphic... The more well known frog in one's throat is a dry cough normally causing hoarseness. Therefore a donkey has not yet been expectorated (spat out) whereas the other three are lovely terms, especially the descriptive oyster, of the end product before or after removal. There is also the originally Portsmouth (UK) local term 'Dockyard oyster' from the results in the local port after a product has been left on the pavement.

Sources: A dictionary of slang and unconventional English by Eric Partridge
Onlineslangdictionary.com

Answer: An adjective

Although it galls me every time someone spells the substance with an o, the o makes it a description rather than a substance. The commonest usage is in 'mucous membrane', the membranes in the body that are lubricated with and produce mucus.

Answer: Sputum is anything coughed up including phlegm

A doctor or nurse needs to know these differences. In respiratory diseases many clues can be gained from analysing the sputum coughed up, and it describes any substance ejected from the lungs, which is most frequently phlegm but you can probably imagine the alternatives.

Answer: No

It's rare but the two common colouring bacteria in mucus usually even out to green. But in the rare cases where the Pseudomonas aeruginosa/pyocyanaea (cyan meaning blue) outnumber enough Staphylococcus aureus which is yellow, the bogies produced are a cyan shade of blue. I've yet to actually see any though.

Answer: False

People assume the massive amount of mucus produced by the nose during a cold is what stops you breathing but in fact the nasal passages swell to narrow them almost to a halt. Decongestants reduce the inflammation but can become addictive if used too frequently.

Answer: False

Plants need their equivalent of mucus, and although similar, mucilage is not the same and is actually edible, should anyone want to bother. It's more likely to be used in adhesives although the commonest edible version is the main body of marshmallows, if that hasn't put anyone off now. They can also contain the same blue bacteria found in human mucus.

Answer: To stop people wiping their nose on them

The most accepted designer of this accessory was George Washington, whose army fought and caught colds, and were added to stop them using them to wipe their noses. They may now appear to be fashion accessories as they appear to have no other function, but will deter any attempt to be lazy and use the sleeve. I've also heard Napoleon may have been responsible but people like to blame most things on him!

Shirt cuffs use buttons to do them up, but jacket buttons normally have a few in a row which do nothing at all but are just sewn on. Although some do use interesting looking fancy buttons that is adding form to function; the accepted explanation was the function came first.

Answer: It is internal and produces mucus

There is a subtle but definite change between our skin and the mucous membrane, technical term mucosa. The mouth is a good example, all the smooth wet areas inside are mucosa, and secrete saliva in cells similar to mucus producing ones. The vagina and male foreskin are also internal surfaces, producing lubricating mucus rather than skin which always has a layer of epidermis and does not have any mucus producing capabilities.

They do produce sweat but this is wet not slimy and a different substance altogether.

Answer: Materials science

The amazing properties of slug mucus, which allows it to climb smooth surfaces, has been investigated as an ultra efficient water absorbing polymer. By studying the way it works scientists have put it to use as a possible solution in many applications "The researchers foresee many potential applications of slug slime technology in materials science and bioengineering: new drug delivery systems, pollutant traps for sewage treatment plants, and water-based lubricants, for example."

I hope none of you chose the pizza topping...